family

Karma for the Healing (day 178)

This is karma for the healing,

remembering to be proud of

everything I’ve learned to love,

remembering to be proud of

leaving someone behind when

they don’t choose this bond.

 

This is karma for the heartwrenching romantics,

knives in the sparks in his eyes,

ropes every time he talks to her like that.

 

But you cannot reverse me,

I will not take back the words that choose to plant their seeds outside my mouth

They’re heavy and hard to swallow

even when I build them on truth

 

A spoonful of sugar helps the lies go down

so I have opened this room myself and cemented the door

but the key locks love and we are all inmates-

I have learned to know this prison as a sanctuary.

 

This is karma for the healing,

knowing there will always be things in his head

my breath is too shallow

my voice too quick to steal seconds

my arms are too short

to reach.

 

This is karma for the healing,

remembering through the field of spikes in my chest

to be proud of everything I’ve learned to love.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 1/21/17

A spoonful of sugar helps the lies go down

In Songs (day 175)

Sometimes I measure the time passing in songs.

 

An especially long moment with you

is the Beatles’ Her Majesty.

 

A night I don’t want to let go of

mutters the power of Dream On

A breath I don’t want to set free

holds the haunting chords of Amber Run

and when everything seems shattered

I Set Fire to the Rain.

 

We’re making soup out of beginnings

and catastrophes out of finish lines

and along the way

there’s music behind the curtain.

 

A heartbeat is old pop songs

I can still sing as well as I can smile.

 

Free falling is

snippets of 500 Miles

sprinkled with Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds.

 

My screams crack your walls,

I’m OneRepublic’s Burning Bridges,

Lights lyrics on my stepping stones,

and when I carry a voice that doesn’t trust you

my throat is etched

Sara Bareilles’ Lie to Me.

 

I sprint and I can feel his heartbeat in my pounding heels,

Taylor Swift’s Sparks Fly,

it’s funny how now

runners and her voice

summon ghosts of his fingers to my face.

 

Pieces of Halsey and Sia and Florence & the Machine and Lost Frequencies,

invisible playlists,

you could call them my devotion

because I feel and feel and can’t speak,

maybe you should

learn the music filed under your name

to know what’s going on in my head.

 

Invisible playlists

spell out the names

of everyone I love,

each of them

messy and heartwrenching and incongruous

and yet somehow

they fit together,

just like you.

 

Half my life has sped by in colors

like the highway on these foggy mornings,

bass and chilling vocals echo

Sometimes I measure the time passing in songs.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 1/18/17

Devotion

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More Than I Say (day 172)

I love you.

More than I say.

Less than I should say.

 

I wake up with every bone rearranged,

I’m tripping over sentences we’ve never said.

 

I have been told we are titanium but still

I think you’re more breakable

than you say.

 

I think we might fall apart

so I’ll hold you like a champagne flute

until you tell me we’re colliding like a breaking wave.

 

They were all my training wheels

and now I have wings

but I don’t wear them like a symbol

I fly like it’s enough just to be untethered.

 

The colors crawl back behind my eyelids and still

I love you.

More than I say.

Less than I should say.

 

The universe crashes particles together that don’t fit and still

I love you.

More than I say.

Less than I should say.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 1/15/17

Training wheels

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A Daddy's Father

Folder: 
Tributes

by DaddyO 

 

I inherited from my Father some of the very best qualities. He also passed down some traits that I have had to work on daily to accept and come to terms with.

 

His personality spanned both ends of the spectrum. His vivid imagination as well as his unflinching stubborness is near legendary status. His unique flirtatious bravado was potent enough to land him my amazing Mother and set a twinkle in the eyes of nearly every woman he encountered.

 

His love for fun was so valuable as to endear my sister and I to him as a wonderful and entertaining Father.

 

Unfortunately his penchant for stubborness and unwillingness to change was dangerous enough to provoke estrangement from key members of his family, shorten his life (and argueably his quality of life), and was an influence in his divorce.

 

One thing's for sure, no one who met him ever forgot him. He is legacy personified. A person who influenced everyone he met.

 

And this is why he is my role model.

 

His miscues became lessons for me to learn by and his successes became qualities for me to emulate.

 

On the evening of September 24, 2012 he sustained a brain bleed. The cause is irrelevant; the doctors said something as minor as him sleeping on his pillow wrong may have caused it due to the high level of blood thinners in his system.

 

He started feeling bad (an almost daily occurance) and unknown to him, his head began filling with blood. After getting to the Veteran's Hospital ER, with help from his wonderful friend Eva, the brain bleed was determined. Due to the blood thinner medication he's on for his heart ailments, they had to wait for his blood to thicken in order to operate...we waited while his head filled with blood and threatened his brain functions.

 

At just after 4am this morning the operation began. The surgeons removed a portion of his skull to allow the blood to drain and give his brain room to move (they feared it was swollen). They were prepared to sew him back up with a third of his skull bone removed and kept on refrigeration for a later operation where they'd put it back in. Luckily his brain wasn't swollen bad enough and they were able to finish the operation just after 6:30am and reattach the bone plate to his skull. He is still recuperating and it is unknown to what degree he will recover...or if he will recover. It's a waiting game right now.

 

Keep him in your thoughts. And if my deist friends out there want to keep him in your prayers, that's okay too.

 

But whatever you do, please remember him as the clever and kind hearted man who, while sufferring through his own pain and loneliness, always had other people's laughter first on his mind.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

2012 

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tags:

"Death of Dad"

by Jeph Johnson

 

My father died
In the arms of my lover;
Something I
Will never do.
But when I die,
If not alone,
It'll be in the arms
Of a lover who
Just won't be her.
It'll likely be
Someone else's
Lover too.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

2017 

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And so I learned sunsets can't fix everything (day 166)

Cool metal on my fingers

but through my eyes this door handle is the swords of an army

and as I enter my blood goes from icy winter to a perfect clean cold,

my boots thunder or tiptoe on the pristine tile.

 

This is a hospital.

I have to keep reminding myself

this is a hospital,

and I don’t want to believe this is where you live

but it is where you exist.

 

I want so badly to go in

to keep walking

God knows you’ve faced this better than I ever will

but I am choking on your absence

and I don’t know if we will ever stop carrying this weight

if we will ever be the same once you’re home.

 

And no, nothing broke your bones

but that would make it easier to sleep at night

knowing without question you are healing.

 

And no, no one took a blade to your throat but

you might as well have

I can’t speak,

I want to write you a letter

but I don’t write in prose

and if I try I know all it will say is

this is just a broken link in your chain

zoom out and you’re the silver necklace someone has always wanted to wear

you are blind but we all have to watch as

you try to burn yourself down.

 

You have always been the perfect elixir when every piece of me is exhausted

but here

you are washing me out

like the walls

like the floor

what do they think, you’ll drag colors down your arm like a blade?

 

And just because the sunset is perfectly orange on the way home

does not mean my head is less tangled or

my heart has stopped boiling into steam-

I could tuck myself into a corner and not know the difference

because when you’re here you fill up the air all the way to the ceiling,

all I know is that you are only a seventh of the beating hearts in this house

but now that you’re gone I can hear the shadow of its sharp stab to your chest

like the silence could kill me.

 

People break so easily.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 1/9/17

Broken links

This has been a struggle lately.

Santa's Arrives

Folder: 
Childrens Poetry

Santa's merriment this coming Christmas will be something to behold!

The family's sentiment at this time of year a joy to see.

All ready with their attonement; however,none needed as they'd all been so good.

Santa notices the ammendments on the Christmas lists; left where they lay.

Santa's announcement that he had found the food,

Santa's ammusement with a mouth full of mince pie.

The reindeers ate to fullfillment, the carrotts left , as they too had. had a hard day.

Now to the arrangement of the presents piled high to the sky.

In contentment around the Christmas tree Santa carefully arranges the gifts.

Someone's up already, quickly time to leave and fly.

 

By Anita Griffiths 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I wish you all a very Merry Christmas for 2016, best wishes and regards, Happy Holidays.

My father´s radio

I remember when I was young I was with my dad in our ranch, and he had set up a contraption on the table. At the time I didn’t know what it was, I just knew that it was a big box with some knobs and needles to indicate something, and while I was looking at that contraption my dad was wrapping some copper wire to a slim but big square of wood. Afterwards, he told me what he was doing, he was making an antenna for the contraption, which was like a radio, at first I remember not understanding because I hadn´t seen that kind of radios in my life, he then told me how that was a long distance radio that could pick up signals from really far away. The next day I noticed how he always liked to listen to the radio, in total he has 3 high quality radios that he uses, although he used to have four, one of them was accidentally destroyed by me when I was a little kid, he usually uses his radio to hear some soccer games, but once in a while he uses part of his time to listen to other stations from around the world. He has told me that when he was a student, he heard the news from other countries and learned how radios work, it is quite fascinating. I believe that his love for radios started since he was a child and he bought a HAM radio kit and he assembled it, then when he was a teen he worked on summer break and what he decided to do during that vacation was to buy something for his dad. So he bought a radio that was expensive at the time, and that is when he really got a passion for them, at the beginning I didn’t understand why he liked to use them so much, but then I understood that it was because he has used them all his life and he does not need to see an image to imagine what is happening, that is why he can easily hear a soccer match or a college football game without losing focus. This love for radios made my dad a great listener, he can listen to people for hours, and that is something I was not aware until now.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

this was a prose poem created for a school project

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Before the rise of the morning sun

Blistering sunbeams made breathing sweltering

being in an underground bunker no side entrances allowed to be opened

purified air was not approved until seven in the new evening I in my mind 

wondered why ?

this was not the promise made six months ago by the new ones in charge.

I realize my thinking of this living world had been so foolish in the wait

It was a good thing i had planned back before the power grid was not everj

going to work again in this life

 

I had to make contact with my children right away,

each one knew something was going on in what was left

of the former life.

 

I had an old cell phone to connect to them

but I had to wait until night time when everyone was in the fresh air

break for an hour.

 

I was able to get inside an old phone booth still insulated from the old blast.

 

Randy answered on the first ring mom where are you ? I told him Im fine.

Now listen to me son and tell your sister too to get out of the house tonight 

with your children and hers. Tell her I said it was life if you left or your deaths if you

stayed there

.

I told them to meet me at the old mill place five miles into the woods

and ten miles where the fishing pond was located.

 

Randy I said tell her this is the end of days I was telling you and your sister about.

Tell her and her husband too not to take the mark. I know its hard but if they do 

they will never see God.

Tell your sister to pack all the food flashlights and candles

she can get into her car. Tell her husband just belevie what Im saying is the truth.

 

Son tell your children thier mother to come and pack food blankets heaters and clothing.

Bring your bible. This will explain the last days whats coming next and some decisions you all have to make

in the coming times.

 

Randy hung up told his kids to get moving no questions asked . Tara wanted to wait for more time. Randy told her

I called and to them to get out of the house or life would end for them. Randy yelled lets go why would Mom lie about this tara?

You have made no effort to contact mom.

Mom has nothing to lose by telling us the truth. You and I did not listen to her.

Its happening now ,Mom told me where we should meet her at a safe place. We have to move now.

 

Two hours later we were all there packages being put away in the hollowed cave. Cars were parked on the side of the cave

not seen from the outside . I walked over to my family said I am glad you are all here. I have missed you all. Listen to me

please  Tara and Randy these are the last days. The mark has been told to be placed on everyone that has not gotten it yet.

 

If you do you will lose your soul and never see God. Tara we need to work together to survive these last years.

I need you to help me fix up the storage site with all of the supplies you brought. All the rest have to go into the sleeping spaces I made in the last two years.

Randy and your Randy need to secure everything around this place. The kids will stay with all of us nor be away from us at anytime.

Before we do lets pray first Father I thank you for your words of ringing true. I thank you for your love mercy joy bestowed upon us this day. Father let hearts be mended for ever. Let salvation truly come to this household today. Father I ask for Godly wisdom, knowledge and discernment in the days to come.

May your coming be like a light signing in the darkest hour.

 

We love you and welcome you in our lives forever in Jesus name amen.

Lets go get this complete before the rise of the morning sun.

 

 




 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

For my children

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