family

All apologies

All apologies

By jfarrell

 

(Kurt Cobain, Nirvana - genius band - “what else should I be? All apologies)

 

I’m not like you; sorry; I so wish I was;

I can’t feel, think, look, act like you;

I can’t be what you want;

I can only be me.

My very humblest apologies.

 

I can explain precisely, in detail, why;

But, would it matter?

You need me to reflect something of you

But I can only reflect my own emptiness;

I am so very terribly sorry.

 

Mum; mother; mater; ma; Kathy;

I am so very sorry you carried for nine months;

Hoping for that baby girl you’d always dreamed of;

But, I was born a boy;

Please forgive me, I am so very sorry.

So very lonely.

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

whats sadder (or stupider) - i still want to hear my mum say 'i love you' - i haven't seen the bitch in 25 years, and i ain't starting now - so, she cant

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Silence, like a cancer grows

Silence, like a cancer grows

By jfarrell

 

(“sounds of silence” by simon and garfunkel, one of the best songs ever written)

 

You have one of them friends, don’t you?

No particular reason,

But you haven’t spoken to them in ages;

And you don’t have time now.

 

It could even be a family member;

But, you don’t have time now.

So, more time passes

And you still don’t speak, can’t find the time.

 

And now, so much time has passed

It feels an insult to speak to them;

It’s been weeks, months….. oh, wow, years;

Getting in touch now, would be a shock.

 

After all this time, though once so close,

You are now strangers;

Keep talking - now, today.

Don’t let cancerous silence keep you apart.

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

hello darkness, my old friend, i've come to talk to you again

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OLDER and YOUNGER

OLDER AND YOUNGER

I was at Costco

Just the other day

Went to the food court

And got a tray

 

Got my fries

And found a seat

Just sat down

Was about to eat

 

When this little old man

Came shuffling by

He’d shuffle a bit

Then give a sigh

 

Shuffle some more

Then look around

Like he was hiding

Something he’d found

 

His big, sparkly eyes

Would shift back and fro

As if unsure

Where he had to go

 

Shiny and bald

Was the top of his head

And it leaned down

As if heavy, like lead

 

His shoulders and back

Were bent over as well

His pants were too big

It was easy to tell

 

As he passed by each light

His head, would glow

And the hairs by his ear

Became white, like snow

 

One hand held the other

In front of his waist

And sometimes he’d rub them

Like he was, in haste

 

He’d shift his eyes quickly

And keep shuffling along

Then quickly look down

Like he’d done something wrong

 

He shuffled up

To an empty table

But didn’t sit down

He wasn’t able

 

Put his hands on the top

To hold himself up

And looked all around

Like a poor, lost, pup

 

He stood there and waited

Didn’t make a move

His eyes always shifting

As if, in a groove

 

His lower lip quivered

As his eyes, tried to find

Something he’d forgotten

Or just left behind

 

And then he perked up

As a young man came close

He lifted his hand

And tapped on his nose

 

Just like a little puppy

He seemed so excited

His face seemed aglow

He was delighted

 

The young man brought chicken

With fries, on the side

Set them down on the table

And then turned wide

 

With a wave of his hand

Showed the old man to sit

While he walked away

Something to get

 

With his eyes twinkling

The old man sat down

But didn’t touch the food

Just,  looked all around

 

The young man came back

With napkins in hand

The old man then smiled

It seemed just grand

 

He gazed at the young man

Then back to the food

But didn’t touch it, as if

Unsure he could

 

The young man gestured

For the old man to eat

The old man was tickled

It seemed quite the treat

 

He rubbed his hands together

And quickly reached out

But then couldn’t pick

Like he was in doubt

 

He looked at the food

Then back at the man

As if he was saying

Are you sure, that I can

 

So the young man reached over

A piece of chicken he picked

Showed it to the old man

And then he dipped

 

He took a big bite

And motioned to the old man

Nodded his head

As if saying, yes you can

 

The old man took some chicken

And then slowly dipped

Checking each time

So it wouldn’t drip

 

Such tiny bites

So carefully chewed

Always looking around

As not to be rude

 

He wiped his lips with a napkin

After each piece he ate

His eyes always dancing

As if he was late

 

He smiled at the young man

And nodded his head

I couldn’t hear them talking

So know not, what was said

 

Once they were done

As much, as he was able

He used his napkin

To clean off the table

 

Then he looked up

With such grateful eyes

It seemed as though

He’d won a big prize

 

The old man shuffled over

Gave the young man a hug

Then let him go

And gave a big shrug

 

The young man put his arm

On the old man’s shoulder

It was the younger

Holding the older

 

As they both

Shuffled their way out

I thought to myself

What was this, all about

 

An old man and his son?

Spending some time

Having something to eat

On the young man’s dime

 

And that’s how it was

How life, had progressed

Now the younger, helped the older

And who would have guessed

 

Once, the younger was childish

But the older, helped him mature

Now the older, seemed childish

Needed the younger, for sure

 

Just a few years before

It seems, somehow perverse

The older, helped the younger

And not, the reverse

DISCLAIMER – Any seniors portrayed are all fictitious

                      Any resemblance, is purely malicious

                      And for old people, living or dead

                      It’s plainly apparent, as I have said

 

                      The author took liberties, with the chronology

                      But for this, there is no apology

                      This story is based, purely on fact

                      Because it’s how, old people act

 

                      No elders were hurt, in its making

                      Most of them, were already aching

                      As for the oldie portrayed, we didn’t know em

                      At least in the case, of this here boem              

BOEMS by JA 92    

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tags:

Ungrateful

Folder: 
2017

It seems like no matter how many mistakes you make

they will always think you’re perfect.

They will bend and break and do anything to see you happy.

The world is at your feet and it is yours for the taking.

 

I can’t say the things I want to without sounding jealous

but if I acted the way you do

I wouldn’t get anything in return

and yet you get everything that you want.

 

Everyone wants to make it up to you

even though you don’t deserve a second look.

Everyone wants to give you the best

when you can’t be bothered to give anything, even your worst.

 

I don’t think you realize how good you have it.

People shouldn’t go out of their way to help you

when you only take and give nothing in return.

 

Why do the ungrateful always end up with the most?

It seems like no matter how many mistakes you make

they will always think you’re perfect.

I’m stuck trying to fit into this cookie cutter mold

that they have given to me.

 

I have to be perfect, I can never make mistakes

and I am still not good enough.

I can never stray from this path that has been laid for me

while you can do whatever you feel like.

 

You’re far from perfect you always make mistakes

and in their eyes you’re a shining star.

I can never be what they want me to be

no matter how much I bleed.

 

I’m still trying to do everything right

I follow the rules and don’t think twice about it.

You break the rules and do everything wrong

and they still choose you.

 

Why you?

Why not me?
Maybe if I acted like you they’d love me.

Maybe I should be ungrateful.

 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 6/20/17

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turn the tv up

Turn the TV Up

By JFarrell

 

You hear my dad shouting again, drunk;

You’ve heard it before;

You know what comes next;

And what do you do?

Turn the TV up.

 

You hear the first slap;

My mum screams,

Followed by 2 or 3 muffled thumps;

And what do you do?

Turn the bloody TV up.

 

You hear him start on the kids, shouts, slaps;

Muffled cries, screams…

Ah, finally, silence, they’ve stopped.

And what do you do?

Turn the f*cking TV up.

 

 

You see the bruises on my face the next day,

As you have many times before.

You smile and are polite, as if you don’t know what happened, you are complicit.

What you SHOULD have done, last night,

Was turn the f*cking TV off and call the police.

 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

a personal one that hurt a lot, but it NEEDS to be said

You're not welcome here.

You came about a month ago looking to stay the night

You just wanted a place for your kids to rest their head and you’d be gone in the morning light

A month has come and gone but your still here

Three extra mouth's to feed and you drank all the beer

We didn't have much, We gave you all we could 

You took it all and then asked for more 

No please

No thank you

No offer to help with the bills

My mother is afraid to tell you there's the door

As you have a bad temper that we don't want to appear 

Your kids are rambunctious and rude 

They have broken the cross my dearly departed Nan keep in her room 

My mother is in tears 

She doesn’t know what to do

My younger sister's won't leave their room

My mother has told me to shut my mouth and don't be rude

But soon that won't be enough 

You may be rough and tough 

But so am I

One more wrong move will be enough.

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Let me know about any spelling mistakes. 

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What Goes Around Comes Around

In a very small house in the meadow, lived a happy family of rabbits. The lovely family was made up of mother rabbit, father rabbit, the oldest sibling, Peter, and his younger siblings. During an ordinary evening, while the family was getting everything ready for dinner a tragic event took place. Mother rabbit and father rabbit were preparing a carrot based dinner and Peter and his siblings were waiting at the table when suddenly, two yellow bright eyes appeared on the window. “Go hide now and don’t make any noise”, yelled father rabbit. Every member of the family quickly went to hide, but for most of the family it was useless. A big, hungry coyote took down the door of their little house and without any trouble found and ate every rabbit except Peter, who the coyote didn’t manage to find. Suddenly, from one second to another, there was Peter, all alone in his hiding place, with no family left. He stayed there for weeks, without eating or sleeping, until one day he started thinking. “Why does it has to be this way?”, he wondered. “I refuse to keep being seen as the prey.”

One day, Peter reunited the whole rabbit community and explained to them that it was time for them to take action. Everyone agreed without thinking it twice. The problem was that they thought themselves as weak, and though they didn’t stand a chance against their predators. The words spoken that day by Peter started spreading around. All kinds of animals that were preys too started to hear about what Peter was trying to do and a desire to join this movement that started to grow in them. Birds, rabbits, deer, mice, elephants, zebras and many other kinds of animals started to gather now and then to discuss this topic. They gathered by the lake so that even fish could listen. They would work together and defend each other as if they were the same species. Every animal used their special skill to defend the rest. They realized that together they were stronger than they thought. Everything was going great, all types of animals working together to help and protect each other, but things started to get out of hand. They reached a point where they were doing too much damage. They did not only protect themselves, but also started to harm and even kill other animals that used to be their predators. Some animals even started to torture whole families of predator species without remorse. Suddenly they realized they had become exactly what they were fighting against in the first place. Things were out of control and even the lions, bears, coyotes and other strong animals were afraid of them and feared for their families. “We’ve become what we feared, we’ve become what we hate.” realized the animals that used to be preys. Peter, the same rabbit who had started the revolution, felt responsible. Finally, he decided to go talk to a coyote, which was the hardest decision of his life, since a coyote was actually responsible for what happened to his family and the reason he started the revolution in the first place. At first they both felt scared of each other, but then Peter had the courage to tell the coyote that he felt extremely sorry for what happened, but he also explained the reason why he started the revolution in the first place, so the coyote realized that he and the other predators were part of the problem, so he talked to them and they also agreed and understood their reasons, so then preys and predators got together to discuss the problem and agreed that the solution to the problem was mutual respect, so they made a pact where they would not harm each other and everything was solved.

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My Grandparents' House

When I think of my grandparents, I imagine them sitting in their dining room and talking about their day. Every day, almost without fail, when I was visiting my grandparents, we would sit down, drink coffee and eat bread at almost exactly 6 o’clock. My grandfather would make the coffee while I sat with my grandmother. They had a coffee maker that is old enough that makes me wonder how it is still working but not old enough to be considered trash and thrown out. When the coffee was ready my grandfather would sit and eat plain white bread with strawberry jelly. He liked to drink coffee with milk and a little bit of sugar. My grandmother, on the other hand, would just drink plain black coffee. She was always trying to cut down sugar. I liked to eat sweet bread and coffee with a lot milk. Without fail, they would always have a basket of fresh bread in the middle of their dining table, wrapped with a cloth so it would stay warm. They used to buy the bread from a bakery two blocks away. If you happened to walk in front of it while they were baking, it smelled like heaven. My grandmother would always make us use her old cups even though she had like a million of new ones in her cabinets. When I was younger I loved to take them out and play with them and my grandmother would get angry at me. I didn’t understand then but now that I’m older I realized that they were probably really expensive. She had gotten them piece by piece in all her trips to the United States when she was younger and some were gifts. They probably had a sentimental value to them. Thankfully I never broke one. Now I understand that her cool dishware was for displaying and her normal stuff was for everyone to use. My grandmother also used to have a shelf of neatly folded handkerchiefs, towels and other cloths that belonged to her parents. They all where embroidered by my great-grandmother with flowers, butterflies and other things she liked. My grandmother liked to take them out and show them to me. Our favorite was a tablecloth with a hundred sunflowers along the edges. When I saw it, I imagined my great-grandma sitting on her favorite chair, working on it for hours until she proudly showed it to her children and husband. The tablecloth was old but since it was made of a very thick fabric, it didn’t look worn out. Sometimes my grandmother would use it on the dining table and make the dining room a little bit like a sunflower field. 

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Chicago Skyline

Folder: 
2017

If we tear it apart and I hug you too hard

maybe we can go

back to that Chicago skyline

and not worry about all the monsters and mountains we’ve seen here.

 

I’m made of feathers when you breathe out

words I’ve never wanted to hear

so I am crying out the dust you’ve left in my chest

I want to catch what you want between my teeth and give it to you

I want to dance until I can build myself back into stone

but I have never been able to dance

when you’re not here.

 

Now I can see how we are so good at failing.

 

All I want is to go

back to Chicago

so we can be the girls standing where the earth meets the water,

so the tide will never rise if you stand so still,

close your eyes,

only open your mouth

to tell me this is where we belong

and I will clutch your pieces even if they draw blood from my hands,

make me believe we are surviving and

you will never fade again.

 

If I can’t take you with me

I will paint you into the Chicago skyline.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 2/7/17

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