family

I'm a Mess

 

Life is throwing curveballs,
My family is a mess, 
It's falling apart.
My love wants someone else,
He doesn't know, I know. 
So the pain goes on,
Never lets me go. 
No peace, no silence. 
My mind is constantly screaming. 
If it's not one thing, 
It's another. 
I love him more than I can say,
I would never put him through,
this kind of pain. 
I'm 6 months pregnant,
She's the only thing that makes me smile.  
I'm a mess,
I can't stop crying,
I can't stop saying "sorry",
I haven't done any of these things.
I haven't caused anyone pain,  
I have no reason to be sorry. 
I'm mad, 
I'm happy, 
I'm sad, 
I'm broken, 
Looking for the glue,
Gotta put myself together again, 
I've got 3 months to figure it out, 
So I can be the mommy I need to be, 
Wearing a mask everyday, 
Here's the smile, 
But my eyes don't smile, 
Like they once did. 
I'm a fake, 
I'm a sham, 
Really don't know who I am. 
I'm a mess, 
I'm a train wreck,
Bet you can't stop watching,
What will happen next? 
I'm a mess. 
I'm failing this test. 
Feeling like Humpty Dumpty, 
But there's no kings horses, 
And there's no kings men's. 
It's only me, 
To put myself together again. 
I'm a mess, 
It's all a wreck. 
 
©Unpublished work by Shanell M. March 26,2016
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My Grandfather's Cologne



 

My Grandfather’s Cologne



“How much cologne did you spray on yourself? I got the scent of cologne from the room across the hall.” A question to which I simply replied: “A lot!” My uncle then went on to tell me how much of a “Santos” I really was. “Santos” is my grandfather’s, my mother’s father, last name. My grandfather is a man who is always neatly combed and is always dressed up for every occasion, no matter how casual the circumstance be. Although my grandfather knows how to tidy up on a daily basis, his “secret weapon,” as he calls it, is ultimately his cologne. My grandfather to this very day keeps telling me that the key to a woman’s heart is always and will always be cologne. My grandfather taught me how to use cologne and all the certain characteristics about cologne, never too much, but not a small amount, either. For as long as I can remember, my grandfather always, but I mean always, has cologne on. Everyday of the week he has a different type of cologne and they all have their unique smell that allure people just like how the sirens allure sailors in myth. I remember that as a child the most exciting part of my vacation would always be walking into my grandfather’s closet. As soon as I go into his closet I get the same smell you get at one of the retail stores’ section where you sample cologne. It is a smell that I love and it keeps getting better. I finally come to the part of the closet, which is solely my grandfather’s, and there, sitting at the top of his shelf are about 150 different types of colognes. The first time I saw this as a young child, I was in a trans because of all the different colored bottles, the shapes, and especially by the different fragrance of every single cologne. My grandfather would occasionally catch me praising his masterful collection of colognes that he would even let me choose one for me especially. He has also taught me everything there is to know about cologne because one day I actually put on about ten different types of cologne, which led to smell awful. Nowadays I actually live with my grandparents and every day my grandmother says “You smell better than you did yesterday.” I also sometimes hear my grandmother tell my grandfather in a sarcastic way that he has wasted more money on cologne that what he has on her, which I think is honestly true.

 

 

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tags:

He thinks he's God

Folder: 
Personal World

His time will come

When he will learn

Life isn't given on a silver platter

 

His time will come

When he will learn

Not everyone wants to be part of him

 

His time will come

When he will learn

Not everyone will obey his command and whim

 

His own child

His time has come

He has learnt 

That the world doesn't revolve around him

 

His time will come

When he will learn

There is more to life than revenge

 

His time will come

When he will learn

There is peace beyond forgiveness

 

His time will come

When he will learn

I'm not as timid as he perceives... 

View moondial's Full Portfolio

perfect family

You sat and stared.

I was a child, did you even care?

Seeing him cause me pain, Quiet you stayed.

Abandond is how I felt, not sure what to do with the cards I was delt.

You were tired and had enough, so you let me take the brunt.

You say you love me, if that is true your idea of love is severly skewed.

Perfect family we play, but the memories still remain of my treament from day to day, and how you had nothing to say.

 

 

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Drift

" The Decline of Everything Collection ." Dark literature for a Diminishing World . "
Pendleton, Oregon   May 2015


Drift


The part of me under stress
drenched in urban , post traumatic duress.
Family`s death
wife left
life diminishes with every breath
now the cracked foundation
of the interstate holds less.


I am in search of a hearse ,
of death I am not averse.
Point the barrel at my brain ,
watch the temple topple
burst in pain .
In vain I search for a way out
of the dreams
of ashen
and polluted
rain ,
where others fall
as I climb
denying my gain .


The whole of me under stress
as I contemplate the terminal duress.
The hopeless drifter
highway litter
feet blistered
body shivers
I am a stranger
amid a twister

quiet as a whisper .

View sinisterbeast72's Full Portfolio

Drift

" The Decline of Everything Collection ." Dark literature for a Diminishing World . "
Pendleton, Oregon   May 2015


Drift


The part of me under stress
drenched in urban , post traumatic duress.
Family`s death
wife left
life diminishes with every breath
now the cracked foundation
of the interstate holds less.


I am in search of a hearse ,
of death I am not averse.
Point the barrel at my brain ,
watch the temple topple
burst in pain .
In vain I search for a way out
of the dreams
of ashen
and polluted
rain ,
where others fall
as I climb
denying my gain .


The whole of me under stress
as I contemplate the terminal duress.
The hopeless drifter
highway litter
feet blistered
body shivers
I am a stranger
amid a twister

quiet as a whisper .

View sinisterbeast72's Full Portfolio

Drift

" The Decline of Everything Collection ." Dark literature for a Diminishing World . "
Pendleton, Oregon   May 2015


Drift


The part of me under stress
drenched in urban , post traumatic duress.
Family`s death
wife left
life diminishes with every breath
now the cracked foundation
of the interstate holds less.


I am in search of a hearse ,
of death I am not averse.
Point the barrel at my brain ,
watch the temple topple
burst in pain .
In vain I search for a way out
of the dreams
of ashen
and polluted
rain ,
where others fall
as I climb
denying my gain .


The whole of me under stress
as I contemplate the terminal duress.
The hopeless drifter
highway litter
feet blistered
body shivers
I am a stranger
amid a twister

quiet as a whisper .

View sinisterbeast72's Full Portfolio

A Mother's Love (Haiku)

The world may leave you
but your Mom will always stand
by you. That's true love!

Author's Notes/Comments: 

A haiku I wrote for my Mom this Mother's Day. :)

Family of Love

              Family of Love

Families are there to guide and care.

And help us along the way.

To LOVE like "NO ONE" ELSE WILL.

Like God does in his way!

To know that Love that comes from above above,

While we're here on this earth for this stay.

It's like a soothing Balm...

When all else around Fades away.

This Bond we know as Family. 

By Blood, by Kin, by Heart.

Sometimes we felt so separate. 

But never in our Hearts.

For God puts Lives together.

They're pre-destined from the start.

He makes all types of Families. 

With a Love that Never Parts!

God shows us what True Family is.

By the Love...that Flows...From his Heart!


Written and Composed By:

Denise M. Hall

 

Romans 8:14  For all who are led by the spirit of God are Children of God. 15. You received God's Spirit when he adopted you as his own children.  Now we call him Abba,  Father. 16. For his spirit joins with our Spirit to affirm that we are God's Children. 17. And since we are his children, we are his heirs. In fact, together with Christ we are heirs of God's Glory.

Psalm 27:10  Even if my Father and Mother abandon me, the Lord will Hold me Close.

 
Author's Notes/Comments: 

I have learned that Family is who is there for you when it gets down to it.   The ones that stand behind you, who love you no matter and accept you.  Family can be your Church Family, people you meet along this journey of life.  Sometimes the people who aren't even our Blood can be much closer than our Biological Families.  Thank God for those special ones that we consider Family.