family

Because I Moved On

 

Is it as though I died,

And do they reminisce?

Or is my name forbidden,

To pass from their lips?

 

Do they think of me,

And wish I were there?

Do they miss my presence,

Am I even a passing care?

 

Does a tear ever drift down,

From within' their eye?

Are they aware how I miss them...

Of how much I cry?

 

Do they hold me in blame,

And such utter contempt?

Because I took control of me,

Or is my happiness exempt?

 

Will they ever accept me again,

And be involved in my life?

For I never stop being their mother,

...Just stopped being, the wife.

 

 

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Do you understand me?

I don’t understand you

Do you understand me?

Tears stream down my face

Screams rip from my throat

Bitter resentment claws through my chest

As I watch the liquor slide down your neck

Do you understand me then?

 

Blood flows from my temple

Mixing with the salt water

That has stained my cheeks

Pain and Agony pulls me to my knees

As you plunge the knife

Up through my ribs

Do you understand me then?

 

You do not.

I know that now

I am no longer four years old

So sweet beloved Father

Pick up the bottle

Take another swig

Throw another punch

Launch another kick

For now I know

You don’t understand me

But I understand you

 

My great-grandmother Rompope

"No matter when, no matter what, you can always see my great-grandma with her “rompope” glass. I don´t know if it was the taste of eggs or the feeling in your throat, but it was really weird seeing a 95 years-old lady getting drunk. Some aunts said she had always have that drinking problem, but I can´t find why they said that, she enjoyed that eggnog so much how could that be a problem for her! Maybe it was Christmas night, a birthday party or just a hot afternoon in her hot house with no air conditioner drinking her hot eggnog glass, but she always look happy and grateful with life. I met her in her late 80´s and 90´s, and I was fascinating of how much life could it be inside an old woman that taught her great-grand son how to play and bet on cards, or to enjoy a little of rompope, even though it tasted like scramble eggs.  And people says it was better when she could walk, in her younger years she was more than a party girl, making everybody pranks and making everybody laugh. Once she dressed up as a white widow, with the white dress and the white makeup, she waited outside my great-grand dad window, and scared him almost to death by no reason.  She used to say “better have the glass in hand, than having to look for one”, and that´s so true why would you stop doing what you like, just because someone else is embittered with life. You can see life like some people do, a period where you pass your time, pleasuring the others, working for them to achieve their goals and letting your time extinct, or you can live your life like good old great-grandma Rosa, enjoying the little moments, the little talks, the opportunities to be yourself and do whatever you like, as always with a glass of eggnog by your side. Yeah, she is one of my heroes, for one side I would like to see me drinking beer at the age of 95, and for the other side even though she lived almost a century she was never tired, she was full of happiness like a teenager drinking zips and zips from her glass of rompope. Now I finally understand, it wasn´t about the alcohol or getting drunk, it was only taking a break to enjoy the moment and having fun."

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Rompope = Eggnog

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tags:

The Family Pet

 

 

 

 

Fourteen years ago, I was with my family on a typical Sunday night
on the highway when a man made us move aside the road and told us that he was
giving away a dog. This dog was a puppy whose breed was Springer Spaniel and
obviously me and my sisters wanted a dog more than anything in the world so my
parents accepted it. We named our puppy Annie and on the first weeks she was in
our home she caused all kind of troubles. She destroy our bathroom door and she
cried all night long, but she needed to learn to be by her own because she was
going to be a big dog and someday she was going to be on the backyard the
house. That's why we give her a teddy bear, which made her tranquilize during
the night. Months passed by and she was getting bigger and bigger so we decided
it was time to take her out, so that
s what we did.

One day when my sister and I woke up, we went downstairs and Annie was asleep on the sofa, which was very funny to me but I guess it wasn't funny in my mom's opinion. Annie was a very playful dog, she
always wanted us to play with her and her toys, her favorite was a chicken leg
that made sounds. Every time we bought her a new toy, she never wanted it and
we understood that she wouldn't accept any other that wasn't her chicken leg. Annie
was also a very strong dog but sadly that strength started to diminish. Years
ago, my family and I found out that she was getting sick and the doctors told
us that it was nothing dangerous so we believed them but it turned out that it
was actually dangerous. Another period of time passed by and she began to get
really weak and then what we all fear about, happened. She died four weeks ago
and she was near her fourteen years of life. Even though she is not physically
with me and my family, we will always have her in our hearts and in our
memories and we will always be thankful for her life and the happiness and love
she bring us. Annie was a very special dog for us and we miss her like crazy
but that's how life is, sooner or later it was going to happen and we thank God
that she stayed with us the time that she needed to stay. 

 

 

 

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Family

I cut my blood with water,

As I have always done,

I disgrace my pedigree,

Screwing up my family tree,

Even though it has just begun,

I traded one mans soul,

For the fate of three,

But how can I make sense of myself,

When my hand are stained with the sins of my past,

How can I discover my identity,

 

When guilt is the only thing that defines me.

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tags:

Solace

When souls are dark as the night

When solace lies not in the stars

But in the dream kept by others

And in those tears not shed

For solace is forgotten

In all but the darkest of nightmares

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FAMILY HOPE

FATHER MOTHER SISTER  BROTHER

MY LOVE TO YOU ALL

MAY THE GOOD LORD BLESS YOU

NEVER LET YOU FALL

 

AFTER ALL WE WENT THROUGH

OVER MONTHS AND YEARS

I GIVE YOU MY  HEART NOW

SEAL IT WITH MY TEARS

 

ONE THING I MUST SAY NOW

I WANT YOU TO KNOW

I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU

ANY WHERE I GO

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tags:

Peace

Solitude is peace.

 

You don’t have to listen to others.

 

When you’re alone,

 

You can shut out humanity’s corruption.

 

 

 

Nightfall holds no meaning.

 

If you’re at peace, let be.

 

Sunlight holds no meaning.

 

If you’re at peace, let be.

 

 

 

How peaceful it is to be alone.

 

To be alone is to meditate.

 

To meditate is to see truth.

 

To see truth is to be at peace.

 

 

 

You don’t have to listen to others.

 

A family isn’t needed for peace.

 

The light that lives inside,

 

You’ll see it even better when alone.

 

 

 

Reside alone with only the light.

 

With the light by your side,

 

You will feel no loneliness,

 

Only solitude, only peace.

 

 

 

If you seek the light,

 

You won’t find it in people.

 

If you seek the dark,

 

Finding the light will be easy.

 

 

 

If you find the light,

 

You won’t need people.

 

You’ll have the light,

 

And you’ll know peace.

 

 

 

Should you forget about people?

 

No, even though you don’t need them,

 

Remember this,

 

They might need you.

 

 

 

Live for peace.

 

Live knowing death.

 

All life dies, yet lives on.

 

Death comes and peace remains.

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I hope people can make some sense of what I was saying. Sometimes I just spill my emotions onto a page and end up not sure if it's even logical.

 

I felt like writing this because in the past few years I've dwelled on the darkness I see in myself and other people - the corruption. I see so much of it that I tend to lose sight of what's good. For a while I dwelled on the darkness and felt content with hatred. I hated the human race. I wanted to watch it die because in my mind everyone, including myself, deserved it. But now I've found peace in solitude and prayer/meditation. Even though I still easily see bad things in myself and other people I've become a little more numb to them. I'm more able to highlight the good things in people. I've done this by turning not to people themselves, but to something higher, much higher. I crave solitude and time alone so that I can reflect on this, and so that I'm not so sickened by the world around me.

On Being Shunned

Folder: 
Emotional Emotions

 

Because I chose to continue life

over ending all of my pain

Because I chose the sunshine

over the torrents of rain

 

Because I finally took charge

took back my own being

Because I refused the chains

and directed my own freeing

 

Because I swiftly moved on

before life got too late

Because I found a good man

and refused any longer to wait

 

Because I love him madly

and he loves me intense

Because now I'm happy

and living makes sense

 

Because I didn't conform

and do things their way

Because I chose to listen to God

for the answers I'd pray

 

Because this life is too short

for such lifelong regret

Because my happiest years

are in front of me yet





 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Shunning by some family and friends...simply because I finally decided to leave and end a hurtful marriage...and found the love of my life and am blissfully happy for once...all because they believe lies.

 

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