I'm Just Human

I try my best to make things right;

every time I try  I fail miserably it just makes me scream, why can't I die?
So many problems all so quick,
So overwhelming I can't breathe.
I try to plan out what to do next,
then before you know it that problem turns into two.
I don't know what you want from me, 
I'm just a human can't you see? 
I'm not perfect, I screw up.
I'm just trying to figure out what to do without your condescending words in my mind flowing to the same hateful tune.
Why do you expect so much from me,
Perfect isn't my destiny.
I'm not meant to be flawless,
I just wish you would accept me regardless.
Don't pressure me, don't keep telling me what I already know.
I'm not stupid, maybe just a little slow.
That doesn't mean I can't fix my problems,
just trust me when I say I'll solve 'em.
I can't handle all this pressure,
my issues don't get better.
I'll try and pretend like they don't exist,
I'll try and forget about all of this.
No one left that I can trust, no one to count on, no such thing as love. 
I will runaway even if it's not right,
I'll deal with you and all my problems some other time. I just need to get some sleep and save what's left of my peace of mind.
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A choice made in passion and glee, will stay with you for eternity.

Stripped nude, no secretes left to bare, in awe you do not but stare.

With gentle hands, and gentle lips, you learn the secrets of my hips.

Ever gently our bodys intertwin, my hands in yours, and yours in mine.

In ever mounting bliss and glee, the night swiftly turns to day.

With gentle hands, and gentle heart, it has come time to depart.

You leave me here with a kiss and naught more, the morrow has something wonderful in store.

Our fantasies will soon come true, for me and mine, and yours in you.

For now we rest, until the night, with gentle souls, and gentle minds.  -2010


Author's Notes/Comments: 

This came to me after people watching one day.

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Where Do I Go?

 Where do I go from here?


I was so close,

So near.

I could see a happy ending in my head,

the vision was so clear,

But now I'm left incapacitated by this growing fear.

And it's not even that I don't know where to go,

I actually have an idea.


Well, a few options you could say.

The first few involve me going out of my way,

Working my ass off just to make ends meet each day,

But at least I can be around the only ones I call family.

And that would make it all worth it no matter how little the pay.


And the other choice?

I'd have to cast aside the voice telling me to stay.

Just to make a comfortable living with a few extra bucks,

But I just feel that isn’t my way.


How can I be comfortable or content without my family?

This is the end of college,

The start of life.

I'm suppose to feel free!

Yet, that feeling just won't come to me.


Because I know what I have to do.

I must leave.

I must say goodbye,

This is our end, and I cant even clearly justify why.

I'm so sorry.

I really am.

But know that I won't be happy.

Each day I will die,

little by little,

life escaping with each sigh,

And I still cant justify why...




- The Craziness

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The Crossroads

Volume Three

The Crossroads

Welcome to the crossroads of my life, That intersection between love and hate.
A constant struggle an endless fight, with it all on the line everything at stake.

I can see the pain trapped behind those eyes, the scars and tears you try to hide.
A tortured soul who has nowhere to go. A victim to this life who was tortured slow.
The desire to just be numb is something I know all to well,
for kindred spirits have often been dragged through hell.
With so many reasons to just give up, knowing when you're just fucked
Yet you still find the strength to stand, the sheer power of your will you command.

“Wasting time we still complain,
chasing dreams that some never obtain
when we lose hope we lose our desire
to try and reach any higher”

How much do you deserve to suffer? Can you watch the world explode?
Have you paid your dues to the coffers while your emotions implode?
Having been alone for so long the days blend into the night
Having been abandoned who is to say whats wrong and right.
Having been so long yet I remember, the pain that was caught within the fire's ember.
The whispers that drift my way, and the ugly things they say.
Looks that glance in my direction, disgust is in their intention.

I played with the fire as I attempted to reach higher
ran with my eyes closed and gave into what my heart chose.
Now I find myself at the crossroads of what is real,
listening to the heart beat of life and this illusion we feel.

So much pain and suffering infesting our reality
negativity manifesting misery.
This is the life you choose, with every roll of the dice you lose
and I laugh as you trip and fall even if you go down taking us all.
It's a sinking ship as you run for the life boat,
It's a twisted trip as you hang from your own rope.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I dont really have much to say about this piece. It turned out decent enough, However I've noticed since I am on the final draft of my book I am starting to get publishing fever hahaha hope you enjoy this piece.

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Not Just Another Country Life

Well I knew God since I was three
Side-line sitter was fine with me
But that’s not where He wanted me to be
So He gave me just another country life

Well, I forgot God
Went my own way
Didn’t think how much I’d pay
The route I traveled was plain to see
It was based on only me
Lost my family
Lost my friends
But that’s not where the story ends
Even my dog, and my girl
They were all gone in a whirl
And the only person left was me
And I’m not very good company
And it’s real hard to be filled with the Spirit
When I’m full of me
I can’t even hear it
So I left God for pain and strife
Just another country life…..

Just another country life
Lose the dog, lose the wife
Lose all you got just for yourself
Live your own little Hell
Never go back, never prayin’
Never admit the Good Lord’s savin’
Spend all I have just on me
Cry some, never being free

Then I changed route…

And I headed back
No more “Me”
Want to be back in God’s company
Want to be filled by the Spirit so sweet
Tellin’ good news gives you beautiful feet
God gave me back my dog and girl
My friends and family around me twirl
No longer gonna live for me
Cause how boring would that be?
I’m fully God’s and His to use
In any way that He’d choose
So full of life and now I’m free
To live more than just another country life

Not just another country life
I found God, love my wife
Give all you got and give yourself
Never gonna go to Hell
Never go back, Always prayin’
Never forget the Good Lord’s savin’
God’s given me eternity
Cry some, now I’m always free

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Another attempt at a Country song.... Enjoy!

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My Love

Alone again
Nobody near
Or are my eyes just closed?
Luminous strangeness
Shifting shadows
A world undiscovered
A life not yet lived
A new beginning
My own imagination
A torrent of light and shadow
Existence and demise
Agony and ecstasy
Heat and ice
A look into my heart
What am I?
Light or dark?
I am whichever I feed
I am whoever I want to be
But who is this?
A new picture
Someone else
Someone I love
A beautiful person
A beautiful dream
Then I wake
There she is
Still asleep
And I smile
Thinking about you
And hoping by some slim chance
That you’re thinking of me too.

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Your Decision

My Love

I know how you feel
Like being ripped apart
Lying on the rack
Two different answers
Two different ways
Two different lives
And I won’t give you the right answer
Because I’m one of them
But, this is your life
Are you who you want to be?
Which way does God want for you?
Which answer do you really want?

This is your decision
But even if you don’t choose me
Know this:
I’ve got your back
I am with you
I won’t leave you
I’ll catch you when you fall
I’ll rejoice when you fly
And be there when you cry
Even though I may want to die
I’ll smile for you, hidden tears in my eye

Yet, should you choose me,
I’ll never love another
I won’t be concerned with me but each other
You’ll never have to run
You’ll never have to fear
I’ll love you till my dying day
Even when memory fades away
God and us, love never ending
You’ll always be cared for, loved from the heart
And you’ll never have to look for love somewhere else

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The Clearing

Shafts of sunlight strike the forest floor
to the music of the woodland core
sunlight beams move like a light show
to the music of the wind that blows
causing a sussuration of the leaves, the wind flows
over the tops of the trees rustling until it meats a clearing
in the clearing is a standing stone
covered in moss and dead leaves
sitting against the stone is a man in a floppy felt hat
some of the leaves have fallen down his back
but he sits, still and at ease.
There is a hickory staff balanced across his knees
he sits and waits and barely breathes
watching, waiting, barely breathing little more than a statue

She runs through the forest hear beating, fearful,
trapped, disorientated and begging to get tearful

She stumbles across the clearing
She doesnt notice how wonderful it is
this haven of nature
She slides to her knees in despair
but out of the corner of her eye, she notices a figure
At first with all of the grey and stillness she is sure
he is a statue but as she shuffles closer
She hears the sound of breathing
she falls backwards in surpirse as the statuesque figure
opens his eyes
she looks ito circles of green so birght
and deep as a mind
seemingly growing like forest vines

Into the deep silences of the wild he speaks

"I am the gaurdian of this place
and can see from the tears on your face
that you are lost
no doubt you tried to trace your steps back
but the forest is alive
and ever changes like the human heart, alive
so i would not be surprised
if you were trapped here for the rest of your life"

At this she broke down,
she seemed so lost
she said "i will pay anything
whatever the cost
just help me leave this cursed forest"

With that he stood up
His eyes grew till she felt enveloped
"Then i take my payment: Your troubles
The depression you have developed
I take it all
Every negative issue you have
For all i give, my payment is your laugh"

Ending his strange invocation he picked up his staff
and leveled it above the pulse of her heart
what he did next was not a physical blow
rather it was a shock straight to her soul
from behind her a new presence arose

It was menacing, pulsating
hovering behind her and feeding
off of all her insecurities, shaking
with the pleasure of her pain

The gaurdian stepped to her side
in a burst of speed
And clove into the demon on her shoulder
With that blow
She fell to the floor senseless in a pile of leaves
And awoke believing it had all been a dream
She felt a tear of relief
and gratitude trickle down her cheek
She shook her head, gave a short laugh
because now she could see the path
and left the clearing with a lighter heart
ignoring the statue of a man with a staff

Back in the clearing the Gaurdian smiles
as shafts of sunlight strike the forest florr
to the music of the woodland core
Beams of sunlight move into a light show
to the music of the wind that blows
causing a sussuration of the leaves the wind flows
Over, over the top of the trees rustling till it meets
the clearing and a standing stone covered in dead leaves
Sitting leaning against the stone is a man in a floppy felt hat
some of the leaves have fallen down hi back

yet he sits at ease

There is a hickory staff resting across hi knees
he sits and waits and barely breathes
watching, waiting, smiling satisfied
for the next person with all taht evil inside
for the next time a person gets lost in his forest

Waypoint in the Desert

Sandy jaws to swallow,
emphatic noise to follow.
The swivel of the molten air,
The link on third - try not to care;
and beg for turn in right direction
from the waypoint in the desert, there ...

Cast from drowning oceans,
I bottled self in sand.
My newest skin encased in grains,
I withstood and will withstand.

Winds came with their beating;
my blood just wouldn't clot.
The only sting that woke me up
was lost as I'd forgot

to keep my head on level
and know which way to merge.
The desert lay enraptured
upon the day its dirge

rang to scare the buzzards;
rang to stir the rocks.
I saw a waypoint standing far
with every angle locked.

I took a step to face it;
it threw away a glance.
Chances are at elsewhere,
somewhere left to chance.

It told me this way, that,
spat at both my shoes;
all along alluring by
all the paths to choose.

It took on filling curves;
turned from wood to bone.
Making flesh from drying leaves,
it offered me its throne.

And the harshness dropped to dollops,
with sun intensified -
as the post was human,
I swept the thought aside.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This was written as a song at first, which is why it has the random introduction, but it just works much better as a straight poem.

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