Suicide isn't a Thank You - Collaboration Work

Suicide isn't a Thank You


SachikoMochiko & SinisterPotatoe (Jack)


“Jack!” my heart falls into a deep, dark, cold abyss as saltwater crystals rush like a waterfall down my cheeks. He ended it. Officers held me back, refraining me from attending his bloody body…his soul has left.


Three months’ post-Jack’s departure, I scuffle his belongings. The old apartment was dewy and rusty at the same time. My calloused fingertips hover past a dusty paper. Hidden. Hidden behind his mirror. I carefully unfold the dust-magnet flat. A poem:


From the hollow pit of my emotions, I’ve reached the end


The end, that determines my fate…


I’ve reached the end, my only friend


The end, that leaves me bent



Around the bend, regards have been sent


The very bend left the very dent


As I fend off the reality…I’m bent




O’ since the blood drips to my fingertips


We struggle…I struggle


I know it’s hard, we’ve come so far, but everything will eventually be over


Like a story…all stories end, eh?


So, I’ll be the one to end it




What goes up must come down…it’s the law


But the law isn’t any determinant…


We protect the law, right?







Before my empty shell is found dead


Before my empty shell, where my soul left, morphs back to the Earth…where I belong


 I promise not to frown


 If you’re still in town, I beg you visit my grave,


 but I’m sorry my sadness wasn’t a faze


And if your soul is more than grazed by my departure


Know that through all the torture and the pain,


Through all the blood, the tears and the wails…


 you were the one who kept me sane




Surely, this is an excuse


Well, my only friend…


I am mistaken, I am not bent


I am not dented


But I am broken…unable to function anymore,


in this beautifully rotten world




Sunshine or rain, I beg you to refrain from crying,


 because at least, I am healed through death


I’m biding my holy time, with every new rhyme it’s a struggle. I can’t smuggle happiness back into my life…


It’s against the law…the laws that I wrote inside my young, naïve mind


The very laws that kept me in this cage


With all this baggage and luggage, I act like I’m at peace


At heart, I’m being weighed down by myself


I pound at the barrier between me and others, my prison,


I’m chained and bound, pulled down, buried in the mud, I was forgotten


But I’ve risen above it


I love it, life, and every knife in the back has brought me a crack in the wall,


however small, someday I’ll break free


I’ve brought forth emotions that have sought to honor the ones who never run from my side


I don’t abide by reasons to cry unless they are tears of joy or a new way to get stronger


When I rot, when my body is nothing but issue


a goner north of my goals, dead in my hole at least I’ll know my soul was honorable


And if your sad, don’t be


I know you think suicide isn’t a thank you, but it’s a sign of escape


Escape from this prison that binds me…


Twists me…


Bends me…


Breaks me…


Have faith, my honors always been a stake, don’t worry, fake words, tongues that lie will eventually break



After all, what goes up must come down



And when that happens you will no longer frown, stick around and keep your mouth shut until you have the right to speak


Because suicide may kill me, and weak freaks are fodder for lies, and propaganda flies its flag until the target dies, but words won’t kill the truth


And even though I’ll never know it, you will, write the story, and don’t worry about me


I’m already free




Once again, saltwater crystals flow down my cheeks. By not like a harsh waterfall, but like little fairy steps, tickling down my sullen flesh.


“May your soul be free”





This is an extended version of SinisterPotatoes (Jack) original poem Suicide isn't a Thank You. See it here:

Hope you like it! (especially you sir, SinisterPotatoe (Jack))

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This is an extended version of SinisterPotatoes (Jack) original poem Suicide isn't a Thank You. See it here:
Hope you like it! (especially you sir, SinisterPotatoe (Jack))

Just added a little tang to it...that's all - SachikoMochiko

How I can improve: Quote from JayG

• “Jack!” my heart falls into a deep, dark, cold abyss as saltwater crystals rush like a waterfall down my cheeks. He ended it. Officers held me back, refraining me from attending his bloody body…his soul has left. 

This has emotional impact when you read it because you know who "Jack" is. You know who's speaking, who's bloody, and what they are to each other. You know where they are in time and space, and what's going on.

In short, you supply the emotion content as you read, because the words act as pointers to images, information, memories and more, all stored in your mind.

But the reader has only what the words suggest to them, based on the words they've read to any given point. So for them, your words act as pointers to images, information, memories and more, all stored in YOUR mind.

You either need to point to triggers in the reader's mind, or include them in the narrative.

Because of that missing context, when you reach the poem section, it's someone we know nothing about lamenting a situation that's unknown.

The voice "telling" this to the reader knows what's going on because they have context. You know for the same reason. The writer of the poem—that bloody unknown who's quoted knows. Even the officers holding this person of unknown age, gender, and situation back know. But you wrote this for the reader.Shouldn't they know, too? How can it hold emotional content for that reader if they don't view the events as you do?

In writing, context isn't just important, it's the key to reader involvement, and the reason that we need to edit from the reader's seat, not based on our intent. When we release our words, our intent, and everything about us becomes irrelevant. It's our words and how we place them, and what they suggest to-the-reader, based on their background, not ours.

Sorry my news isn't better. 

Hang in there, and keep on writing.

Jay Greenstein

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Lil' incident

Lil incident

I had just finished dropping off my drunken friends. That party was lame, I said to myself. I drank a little, not enough to make me a drunk, stupid driver or anything. I was, basically, the designated driver, I didnt mind, really. Most times it was a good time, but this party just wasnt doing anything to anyone, not that there were a lot of people there, anyways. Good food, though I said, at least.  But now, after making some pretty long trips cause I was feeling like being a good guy and leaving everyone at their door, it was time for me to go home. 


Hey I should probably go left, and take the avenue, that should be quicker, err, wrong way, oh, oh no. Those coppers sure are sneaky, damn.  Knock knock, I need for you to park your car right here it was a very complicated spot, but hey, I can do it, I thought, and indeed.  Nope, I will need you to try again, this time try parking right here ,All right! oh, I get it, this guy thinks Im all light headed drunk, hes trying to test me, but that wont work. Finally, he approached, probably feeling defeated after I nailed his little test. Have you drank at all, young man? no way, man you should know who you are talking to, its me, Im the designated driver, I thought, then said No, sir, All right, let me smell that breath of yours! ,Okay, Well seems to me you might be okay after all, young man. Then he decided to stick his head inside my car, he went all sniffling sniffle, then said It reeks of alcohol in there, you lied, you are a liar, young man. Listen man everyone who was in my car on the last 30 minutes were pretty drunk, so mind your own business, anyway, I thought, but decided to go with: All my friends were pretty drunk, sir. Im not lying to you, I was just heading home after being the designated driver of my friends I honestly felt very proud of myself.  Okay, I guess I believe you, do you have any open bottles of liquor in there, any booze? He said booze in a weird tone, like a slang tone, but weird, he emphasized on the oooo, thats weird, I thought. No, sir, just my good old self in here, All right young man, youre good on the alcohol thingy there, but you still went the wrong way, why is that? Listen, man its 3:30 in the morning, no car was even on the avenue, and you are giving me crap about me going the wrong way, plus it was just like 5 meters, and I made a U turn, and I was being cautious, you just want to mess with someone, cause youre bored, I know this I thought about all this, and then answered as I shrugged: I guess I tripped, man. You sure did, young fella. Let me get your ticket BRB. That last BRB really made me hate the guts out of this guy, but I keep my cool, as I didnt mean to get in more trouble. Hey cop, how much are we talking about with this ticket, is it expensive? Yeah, about 60 bucks, haha, but Im sure it wont be a problem for you He said with a creepy-ass smirk painted on his face, as if he knew that it was indeed a big problem for me. Listen man, that is a big problem for me, Im just a student. I dont have the extra cash to pay that. Is there any other way? I asked in an innocent way, searching for the non-existent sensitive side of the five-o. Well young man, I have to tell you, this is the legal way However, I dont really like the legal way too much, so maybe we can think of something else Do you have something in mind young fella? Wow, I thought. I knew exactly what he meant with that. That bribe innuendo was pretty smooth and as nasty as a pig a different pig. Im not stupid; I knew right away the right thing to do. I suppressed the temptation and told him: hmm Nope. Needless to say, he didnt expect that. Really? So I give you the ticket right now.. Is that correct? Yes man, give me the ticket. Give me the stupid ticket! I dare you! I double dare you, corrupt and unethical crook, give me the ticket!! As I struggled to control my last spark of inner rebellion, I answered: Yes, hand it over. The police officer gave me the ticket with a blank face, and let me go. Free at last I said, as I drove home to sleep. The next morning as I enter my car, I smell it It smelled like a Bacardi bottle slaughterhouse. Mainly because of the bottle hiding between plastic bags in the front passenger seat that the cop totally missed out. 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This is a collaboration with my good friend Rodrigo Alberto Garza 

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The Cocky Cockroach

The Cocky Cockroach

He woke up, went to his balcony and shouted “filthy peasants!” from his eleventh floor penthouse “shut the hell up!” a loud answer from one of the lower floors came back. He didn’t care; he played some Nickelback and poured himself an Irish coffee, not holding himself on the whiskey.

Chad the cockroach, the most hated being on Insectlandia, had been stomped a thousand times, flushed through the bathroom, ran over by a double-decker bus twice and not a scratch on his wings. He held the world record for outliving most disasters, and the world record most times kicked out of a city.

Chad lived on his own, he had no friends whatsoever, he outlived his family (which he didn’t appreciate a lot), and was okay with all of this. He just needed himself, he didn’t think about no one else, he didn’t want any kids, and his only goal in life was to be sprayed with Raid by Vladimir Putin only to prove he was invincible.

The day continued, as a normal day; after his first drink he watched some TV, same old, same old, then he tried to continue writing his novel called ‘How to survive 20 stomps, and then 40 more’ but as every other day he just wrote a sentence and went to find some sugar out town. At the local store everyone knew him as the drunken douche bag, but he didn’t even notice anyone. At the end of the day, as usual, he drank himself to sleep, continuously repeating “I am not alone if I have me, I am not alone if I have me”, and so on.


Chad woke up the next day from a profound sleep with a massive head ache, he rolled over to the other side of the bed to get some sugar water, but there was nothing on the side of the bed. He could not believe what he was seeing. He went to his balcony to check things out, but there stood a big lump of nothing. The whole city was in flames and he could see what once his neighbors were, now were ashes. Still with his silk tiger print pajamas on he screamed to the top of his lungs from the balcony. In that moment he heard from the city speakers: “ The world has got out of orbit and we are approaching the sun at a rapid rate, please get together with your loved ones and see you on the other si….” now there was no sound. Chad slept through the whole thing. The cockroach who could endure everything was now the only living thing in the whole blackness of a planet, Chad was it. 

-Carlos Gutierrez, Carlos Alfonso Ramírez Martínez 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Collaboration between Carlos Gutierrez and Carlos Alfonso Ramírez Martínez

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Sean Asks Seina To Meet His Mom

Seina, it is almost Christmas

Can we go pick out a ring?

It would make a great Christmas present

It would make my heart sing.

Am I crazy about you?

On that you can bet

Do you think you would

Feel comfortable meeting

My family yet?

Christmas break is coming up,

It would only be a couple hours drive up,

We could spend a day or two,

It is totally up to you.

My mom is alone this year,

Dad is deployed, I am the only one near.

If it is too soon, I understand,

But I would like to be with you if I can.

We can go up for just one day…

Longer if you would like to stay.

I can show you around,

We aren’t big city, just a quaint little town.

I can’t stay very long

Major paper due after break

Mom won’t think it wrong

If my leave I must take.

Think about it,

I have to run.

Six chapters of anatomy to read

Gotta git’er done.

See ya.

By huck hickson

Author's Notes/Comments: 

The love affair continues.

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03-01 Conversation Over Air and Coffee


Falling asleep at the button,

like falling asleep at the wheel,

is discouraged

at all times,

especially when attempting to navigate

parked cars.

I notice myself slacking,

after having berated everyone else first

for the same offense.

Perhaps I thought I had fixed it

unlike my helmsmen,

my second in command,

the communications officer,

even though he deserved it.

I make a mental note

not to be blind of large objects

impeding my vision

in my mind’s memo pad,

which has a tendency to find itself

too close to vents

and flames and the like,

but the voyage presses on

with or without documentation.

We’re all superheroes

waiting for villains to face

though maybe there aren’t any,

only victims and citizens

who require assistance.

Teaching ourselves to learn

presents its challenges,

but it is our duty as pioneers of a new era

to establish a self-help existence.

The world is our classroom

and there is no bell at the end of the day,

only a well-earned rest

as class starts again over breakfast,

or saving lives as the case may be.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I always have a hard time picking the category when I post. . .

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Sean Calls Mom with the News

Mom, I just had to call….

She said, “Yes”

It is hard to believe it all

My mind is a mess.

What? No, we haven’t set a date,

All that matters to me is

she will be my mate.

Yes, I know we need to plan,

After we graduate is her only demand.

Mom, don’t cry…You aren’t losing a son,

But gaining the daughter you always wanted.

Will you tell dad when he returns from the cruise,

That Y’alls baby boy you are about to lose.

No! No! No! Don’t cry

I was just kidding….no lie.

Mom, I will always be your baby

I love you mom and just maybe

We will give you are grand or two,

Wouldn’t that be grand? I know you.

Well mom, I have a test to study for.

Huh, oh yeah, Vance just went out doors.

We have a study group that meets under the trees,

I have go now mom, they are waiting for me.

I love you mom and dad too

I have to go now tho my heart aches,

Maybe Seina and I can come home

Over Christmas Break.

Bye now, I have to go.

Love me, of course I know.


Author's Notes/Comments: 

The Saga continues.  For the rest,

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Sean Gets the Good News

Hello. Seina! Is it really true?

If I had lost you,

I don’t know what I would do.

You have made me the happiest guy in the world.

I am so happy I am feeling dizzy


Seina? This is Vance. I take it you accepted girl.

I want you to know,

You have floored our hero.

Hold on while I try to bring him around.

Come on partner, get up off the ground.

Seina, I will lay the phone by his ear

Keep talking to him, I believe he will hear.

I have some smelling salts in the bathroom,

That should bring around the silly loon.

Seina, You have made me happy, and yes, I can wait.

School is hard and we need to focus, but we can still date.

Meeting your folks will be a cinch,

When your dad finds out I will be a doc,

The deal will be a cinch.

Vance, back off…I don’t need that smell,

Knowing Seina is mine makes me well.

Don’t worry about a thing my love,

We will wait til given a sign from above.

God knows when the time will be right,

And long as there is no draft, Saddam I won’t have to fight.

Someday I see us on a honeymoon to Hawaii,

Won’t that be great? Tropical breezes, new sites to see?

It won’t be right after school cause we will need money to begin,

But I promise you, maybe not our first honeymoon, but it will happen.

I love you Seina with a love that has spanned all time.

I feel I have always known you would be mine.

Somehow there was an unseen bond,

A premonition that I knew all along.

Whatever or whoever made this to come about,

Thank you from the bottom of my heart

We will make it, we will work it out.

Sleep my love for the morrow is bright

Let my love for thee warm thee through the night.

I know we both have class on the morrow,

So I bid you good night, love, parting is

Such sweet sorrow.

Vance! I can’t believe she said yes,

Author's Notes/Comments: 

The Saga continues

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Baby Come Back

Seina, please come back to me

I know it was sudden asking to wed

But I can't fathom another day without you, you see

And, no, it wasn't just to get you into bed.

I begged Josie to intercede,

But you didn't respond to reason.

Please don't let this our love impede

For this is love's season.

My grades are suffering, I can't think

Life without you would really stink.

Please, I am on my knees

(that is patellas in anatomy)

Please forgive me and let us begin once more.

I promise to behave and not push anymore.

I lay my heart at your feet

My life is in your hands

Baby, come back to me.

By huck hickson

Author's Notes/Comments: 

The saga continues

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Sean Goes to Seina

Seina where are you,

Josie, tell me, tell me do.

My head kept telling me, “No!”

But my heart said, “Go!”

Oh, Seina, I know proposing was not cool,

Please forgive this love struck fool.

Josie, you are her best friend,

Tell me, this isn’t the end.

Get a message to her that I am a broken man

And would do anything to have her hand,

But I realize it is sudden like,

That my mouth ran like a flooding dike.

Please Seina, come back to me,

I promise to not ask again until you are ready.

Don’t think I have gone around the bend,

For if I lose you, it will spell my end.

Josie, can you tell her for me,

Tell her I love her and my heart will never be free.

Can you tell me where she is at?

Can you or will you do that?

I understand she needs some space,

Her doubts I don’t want to leave a trace.

After it is done and told,

I want her to join with me as one to make a whole.

© 2008 huck hickson (All rights reserved)

Author's Notes/Comments: 

After a brief hiatus, the saga continues. for the rest of the story.

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