Happy Birthday on June 2nd (WARNING: EXPLICIT CONTENT)


                                 Happy Birthday on June 2nd


Happy Birthday!


Some escape some door to open


And today is your first day where you left my heart completely broken


I’m sitting here peering out the window thinking what was it all for


Every noise I hear, I think you are at the front door.


Happy Birthday my ex-love!


The way you treated me I truly didn’t deserve.


While I feel tortured you seem to remain completely unnerved


And while you’re in bliss and enjoying the revelry


My mind is stuck in the past, enjoying the reverie


Pleasure came easy to me but it was harder to please you


Sex was all too familiar to you when you had nothing else to do


But you will soon have to walk back over this same bridge again


Until that day, happy birthday on June 2nd


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The Sentient Serendipity

I dont remember how long ago it was, that we, who came before you began this enormous odyssey. Things were simple back then, you put yourself together from all that was around you in the most efficient way you could and then you would get a glimpse of what was beyond. As you began to explore this "beyond" You would find more materials and learned better ways to use them. Some of this things would hurt you but every once in a while other things would come that made you stronger, bigger and suddendly you could remain longer in this new place. Thats when it happened... Thats when suddenly we knew there was more out there, and we wanted it... we wanted it all.


Progress was slow at first, building ourself from the limited materials around you wasnt easy and sadly after we did figure it out, we would deform soon after, in so undoing our work. This was one big problem... We needed to find a way to pass on what we had learned after we inevitably deformed again. Luckily more of us began to form and eventually one of us found a way to not only record all that we had made, but to also be able to improve on it later on. We had invented writing. We now had a way to fully explore the beyond. No longer did we have to try so hard to reform ourselves, because now we not only remembered how to, but we began to help eachother form. We were forming so fast and easily, that we began to try knew ways of forming and soon realized that some forms where better than others. Before we deformed, we had the duty to find eachother and trade our ideas so that all our hard work would remain long after we deformed.


This suddendly became a competition, of trying to figure out wich was the best way to explore this beyond. Not all ideas where bad, as a matter of fact, there were thousands upon thousands that were all good and great ideas. Eventually all these ideas began to take different directions from eachother. Even though all of them were a way to adapt to this beyond. They began to start conflicting with eachother and thats when things got out of hand... In our need for more, for finding the best way and for being the best in this competition. We created something that made the beyond a sweet and sour place... We created violence.


We needed to be bigger, stronger, faster so we started to band together. This was the fisrt step that will unexpectedly lead to you. As we began to work together we found out that there was even more than we could have ever imagined. Upon realising this we became obssesed to see if this was true. This obsession was a gift and a curse, and its one that you are very familiar with. This idea of working together to create a vessel so complex, so larger than anyone of us had ever imagined started a new age. An arms race to be more precise. This "great beyond" was expensive and so complex that we each began to take different roles in order to make this vessel work. Some of us were in charge of processing and distributing materials around the vessel, others were in charge of navegation, danger alert and damage repairs. The bigger we became, the more of us we were and the more jobs we had.


Suddenly we began to lack the resources we needed to continue our progress. Thats when we took violance to the great beyond. Some where merely content with progress while others were finding new ways to destroy and consume the resources that others had gathered. Things continued like this for a long time, competition was fierce and the great beyond was a dangerous place in itself. But these challenges made us stronger... and also killed others... Nevertheless It is because of this that we begun to see more, hear more, feel more and of course think more... Think more... Thinking is such a strange thing... And yet it is because of this, that we had come this far.


We want more... more of this that you call "life". And the only way to get more was by thinking... We thought it, we tried it, and we continue to do this to this very moment. What was worse was the more we thought the more there was of this beyond. So some of us decided that perhaps, thinking was going to get us ahead of the rest of the competition. So we began to invest large amount of resources, and there began to be more of us, whom sole purpose was to think. We continued to do this until the most unbelievable thing happened. We somehow created you... Believe me when I say we did not do it on purpose. You just happened...


We are not saying that you are a bad thing. However you seem to be quite unstable as we are still trying to figure out how you work. But nevertheless you are unbelievably useful in our quest to explore the great beyond. There is just one problem... You dont seem to know what we know, and believe me, we know a lot. But its because of this inability to comunicate with eachother, that is the problem. You seem to be just like us when we first started and its because of this you had to start all over again. Do the same mistakes we did, learn the same things we already know.


You seem to be exactly like us... Having this hunger to learn and be and do, this obssesion for more. If you ever wondered why that is you can blame us... but maybe you wont blame us. I mean after thousands of years you have just barely even learned we existed. And even then you look down upon with condescending eyes. You think we are simple... You dont even believe we can think... Hell, even some of you have this unbelievable fear of us... I find all this very frustrating because... WE ARE YOU.


Dont get me wrong it's not your fault... We know as little about you than you do of us. Well, actually we know everything about you... We do, because if we didnt you wouldnt exist. The only thing we dont know about you is why and how you exist. But then again so do you. I find it weird, both when you dont know we exist and when you study us. You call it "biology"... "Human anatomy"... You call, us cells... Let me put in perspective how awkward this is. You dissect a goats brain in order to see it, feel it, understand it. But the only reason why you can do this is beacuse you have a brain yourself in order to accomplish this... So let me get this straight, you have a perfectly functioning, super complex brain. But you dont know how it works or know what it looks like... YOU NEED A BRAIN IN ORDER TO STUDY A BRAIN TO KNOW WHAT A BRAIN IS... We know what a brain is, we designed it... we are it.


Maybe now you can understand the dilemma? Sure you can discover things we could never have, but then again that is why we made you in the first place. But dont think for a second we are simple and we dont think... Who else builds you in the womb of another vessel? Who else makes sure your blood gets pump through your "body"? Who else processes the food that you consume? Protects you from our other selves? Makes sure you stay breathing while you sleep? As a matter of fact we are so in control of your breathing that if you stopped on purpose to the point of harming US we would override you or "make you pass out" so that we can assume full control and stop this madness.


By the way, what is this bullshit of wanting to kill yourself?! I am well aware of the challenges that the great beyond can bring forth. But how dare you "think" that all our hard work, no longer matters. Unlike you WE DONT SLEEP, as a matter of fact, you need to sleep so that we can perform very much needed maintanence. Your "dreams", they are nothing but simulations that we run in order to experiment in a harm free reality. They dont make sense? Thats not the point. Were else can you fly like a bird, Fall from tall buildings, get stabbed multiple times by someone or something and later wake up just fine? Some of these may be "nightmares" but we are not afraid to experiment because we are not the ones who dont know that, whats happening is not real.


We do all this to make you better, keep you safe and make sure you last longer in the great beyond... or "life". We give you dopamine to make you happy when you do something good to further our cause. And cut you off when you dont. We let you know when its time to eat and go to the bathroom. Because lets be honest, if we didnt do that, you wouldnt know. You wouldnt even care! Thats why we had to make "love", or the release of dopamine when you think of a specific person. Hell if we didnt make sex feel so good you probably wouldnt even bother with it! and even then you create condoms and spermacide to prevent the creation of other vessels. On top of that you hate us because we store excess energy that makes you "fat", just so when a time of need, you have a fighting chance.


Look... we are not perfect... We make mistakes, and sometimes cause you problems. But we dont do it on purpose... And its thanks to you and what knowledge you have been able to discover about us that we have been able to save lives. Both yours and ours. Your even getting to the point where your learning to write our code which you call "DNA". Perhaps your ideas is just what we need to maintain our advantege. Together we can get better... I show you and you show me... Its only a matter of time before we can talk. Your already acting like us... working together to make a "spaceship". Making your own vessel to explore a place that would utterly destroy you with out it... Having some of you navigate while others distribute resources, provide maintanence and specific skills.


Like energy, like matter... like matter, like compound... like compund, like cell... like cell, like sentient... like father, like son...

We all want the same thing... We all want... more.


Let's go there, together.



Author's Notes/Comments: 

If we could communicate with cell's, what would we say? what would they?

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In the Darkest of Times

In the darkest of hours,

Light cannot be seen

With these eyes of ours,

Nor by ordinary means.


In the darkest of minutes,

Light can be seen inside;

It will guide us through labyrinths.

It is found where our spirit resides.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Just a quick thing I wrote up

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A Web of Life

Disenfranchised, discriminated, decapitalized

Disorganized, dominated, doomed,

The middle pushed to the margins,

The margins, influencing the middle.

The right is right, the left wrong,


A web woven of similar work,

Yet the fly does not see the web infront,

He is merely trapped in the web,



But yet the web is his death.

He struggles to get out, but the web’s grip is too strong.

He waits to die, struggling to get out of the web, but as he struggles it continues to wrap around his body further.

He is now consumed.

He’s in the belly of the beast.

Dead, consumed. 

Feeling vs. Knowing

My heart hurts, my brain pounds, my blood boils,

The anxiety of my mind is unbearable,

But the frustration is, I must bare it, I have no option.

I am left to the vices of my brain.

A brain that tells me to suffer, rather than to enjoy.

It tells me I am useless, unaccomplished, inarticulate,

I believe I am worthless.


Although, I know my objective worth.

But knowing and feeling are two very different things,

A barrier that we all face, and at times, perhaps more intensely than other times.

Right now I write with a defective vocabulary, scrambling for words when I normally find too many,

I struggle through this simple entry, as I struggle through the simplest of things.


I am told my worth,

I remember my accomplishments,

I enact my uses and know many others,

Yet what is knowing?

For, feeling is dominating my very core.

My life is riddled with the complexities of feeling,

Where rather than living, I feel.


I feel through this moment of my life,

When I had never had to feel to such an extent before.

I pray for this pain to end,

I pray for my hope to return,

I pray I will be able to apply what I know,

But I know prayers are no use.

They have no function to an atheist.

But yet I pray in a way that really mimics hope.


I hope my hope returns,

I hope my pain subsides,

I hope I can further apply what I know.

Although I know this pain is just a moment in my life,

The pain is real.


I am looking forward to the light.

The New Me

I scratch, I scream, I yell, I pain, I suffer, I am diminished

My thoughts race without control,

From negative to negative, with the positives not sustaining a fluid thought long enough to counter the dark.


The simplest things, the most pleasurable things in the world,

Feel like torture.

I am tortured daily as I navigate this world that I see through despair.


I miss the beauty of the former me,

I miss the hope, passion and joy.

Those are but a memory in the feelings that have dominated my life,


But they are inexplicable,

They remain only personal.

No one else can understand my pain,

They can just hear about it.

But my pain is mine and I feel it in solitude.


I isolate myself,

There’s nothing worth sharing, doing, seeing.

I would rather medicate my pains away, but I must not.

The path to get rid of my pain the quickest,

is indeed the path toward pain the quickest.

But my pain is now, and the latter path is later.


But I must wait,

I must suffer with this pain,

the grim, the bleak, the desperate, the dark.


I long for the me I once knew.

My New Best Friend

He’s with me all the time,

We’re practically best friends.

He’s there for me the hard times the most.

He’s the worst friend I’ve ever had,

I regret the moments I introduced him to my life.


He taunts me, provokes me, pushes me,

He ruins me.

He turns me, frustrates me, rushes me,

He makes me.


I struggle to get him out of my life,

But he only gets closer.

I try to block him out,

But he only gets darker.


I hate him. But he loves me.

I wish him out of my life with the little passion he’s left me with,

But he remains around me,

As if his sadistic job was to torture me through this period of my life,

I loath him for this resulting strife.


I’m told one day he’ll die,

And rather than suffering in perpetuation,

I will caese the constant struggle towards evasion,

But his ghost may haunt my internal abrasions,

I wish his death would hasten…


I know he’ll die eventually.

Being left with his sporadic memories.  

A Glimmer Of Hope

Sometimes horror befalls our lives. It happens to me, it happens to you, it happens to us all. When it happens to those we love and care about, it can feel like a sword in our heart, maybe even felt to the extreme that we think they are injured even more than us, when in actuality, we have allowed their experience to touch us in a way that produces a far more injurious violation to ourselves than it ever did to them, and yet we are blind to this phenomena due to the overwhelming emotion it produces within us. It is as if the waves of compassion can sometimes submerge our very being into the waters of every possible emotion with an upsurge of ripping signals to try and tame the source of our turbulence. We perceive that source as something that we must conquer under the guise of 'what is just', which is something one can only create for oneself.  When we are blind to what justice really is, we add a lot of ingredients that change the recipe of empathy completely. Before we know it, our anger is in charge of steering the boat, and we can no longer even feel the pull of the tides calling us to listen to the sound of our heart long enough to understand that the whirlwind of emotions within us that caused the actual signals to tame the beast we seek, is really the beast of our own fury. Plato once said, "Until philosophers rule as kings or those who are now called kings and leading men genuinely and adequately philosophise, that is, until political power and philosophy entirely coincide, while the many natures who at present pursue either one exclusively are forcibly prevented from doing so, cities will have no rest from evils,... nor, I think, will the human race." (Republic 473c-d)". He also said, "“Justice will be achieved only when those who are not injured feel as indignant as those who are.” --Plato, Circa 400 BC-



I read those statements to mean that balance is needed in society. But as Gandhi leaves us pearls of wisdom that beseech us to find the peace within, and the Buddha's call summons us to light our own candle within, we are incessantly drawn toward the outer world in attempts to get the answers we can only find within us. We honor the teachings of Martin Luther King Jr. and John Kennedy for their strong stands they took when it came to social injustice, and still, we so many times reject our own needs to calm the waters of discontent within our own soul's yearning for harmony among men. We listen more to the ripping signals of despair, anger, and greed, more than we listen to the whimpering sounds of our own longing to be whole, safe, forgiving, and at one with the Earth and each other.  Where will the balance that Plato describes begin? The scales of justice must begin somewhere, and I strongly believe that somewhere is only found within ourselves. When a loved one is taken from this world and torn from our earthly gaze, they leave behind a whisper that can only be heard when we meet them at that place where we meet on the inside.



When we can maintain the inside of ourselves and be at peace, we can then move on and go out into the world and conquer it with love. We may never get to see 'an eye for an eye' the way we once perceived it to be, but that has always been something different anyway. I am most certain that is called revenge.


© 2013






Author's Notes/Comments: 

About Justice, and how we have we failed as a species to understand that it is not the same thing as revenge.



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Dog in the Garden

Twin sets of ten dozen red bricks

sat opposite one another

and aged by day as the garden

that had separated them grew.

In it soon dwelt a man in robes

who wrote down his every thought,

ate well and often saw to guests.

A loving family was made

to accompany him in life,

and to lend credence to his death.

He had little care for the skies;

the sun that shone beat on his eyes.


Once, a dog had wandered inside;

in his teeth he carried a lamp.

He gazed at all and none, then spoke:

said that he sought an honest man.

Most chose to observe or decline.

The mutt took shelter in a jar.

Rather than give up on the day;

he rose and sought the figure who

captivated the largest crowd.

Along his way his mark was left

well in the wake of conquerors

who then offered their affection.


Thrice he heard a howl on the wind

and thought it distant mongrels -- when

the dog emerged, thinning and bare.

It sat as his rival and gave

challenge to the man's testaments -

his teachings and personal truths.

He scoffed at the garden in bloom,

the bounty of love he'd accrued;

the hedonist lain amongst flock.

He did not stray to fill his gut

or partake of the flowers near.

He only had eyes for this man ... 

Who had only a pleasant grin

to bear. No embittered sneering,

but a laugh and a word of praise

for the dog and his pious ways.

He met his gaze and spoke aloud:

with knowledge of his own good health,

he mused of friends, relationships -

sure paths as they are to freedom

and pleasure apart from anguish.

He lauded no claims of God's will,

nor spoke of his ineptitude;

he could only smile and sing.


Down to all fours the man then sank

and met the dog at fair level.

The dog postured and then bowed low.

No more words were exchanged of life

as another day turned to night.

Sleep had left them both as equals.


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