Feeling vs. Knowing

My heart hurts, my brain pounds, my blood boils,

The anxiety of my mind is unbearable,

But the frustration is, I must bare it, I have no option.

I am left to the vices of my brain.

A brain that tells me to suffer, rather than to enjoy.

It tells me I am useless, unaccomplished, inarticulate,

I believe I am worthless.

 

Although, I know my objective worth.

But knowing and feeling are two very different things,

A barrier that we all face, and at times, perhaps more intensely than other times.

Right now I write with a defective vocabulary, scrambling for words when I normally find too many,

I struggle through this simple entry, as I struggle through the simplest of things.

 

I am told my worth,

I remember my accomplishments,

I enact my uses and know many others,

Yet what is knowing?

For, feeling is dominating my very core.

My life is riddled with the complexities of feeling,

Where rather than living, I feel.

 

I feel through this moment of my life,

When I had never had to feel to such an extent before.

I pray for this pain to end,

I pray for my hope to return,

I pray I will be able to apply what I know,

But I know prayers are no use.

They have no function to an atheist.

But yet I pray in a way that really mimics hope.

 

I hope my hope returns,

I hope my pain subsides,

I hope I can further apply what I know.

Although I know this pain is just a moment in my life,

The pain is real.

 

I am looking forward to the light.

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48daniel's picture

I like it 

I like it