DESPAIR

The End

Folder: 
loneliness

The days are long and the nights as well.
Each minute I'm alone is an hour in hell.
I can't break free of the torment within.
I admit I've tried and know not where to begin.
I fight each day to hold onto life.
But am falling short in my present strife.
Fear not for one day I will rise again.
But first I must meet the end.

Psalm of The Broken

Folder: 
Psalms

My eyes have not seen
And my ears have not heard
What my heart wants to know.
My tongue is a snake
A poisonous viper.
My hands are evil
But cannot leave me.
My soul is in torment
It haunts me day and night.
My heart is broken;
Love has long left it.

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Here Comes The Rain

Folder: 
Songs

You made my day as black as night
My life feels loss of meaning.
You’ve turned dark what once was bright
How can you know what I’m feeling?

Did you know that once you filled my life
Your loss would be unreal?
I could’ve avoided the pain and strife
If you had told me how you feel.

 

Here comes the rain
I’m crying in pain
Sighing with the wind
Swaying in the trees
Here comes the rain
I’m carrying the pain
I’m falling to my knees-
Here comes the rain.

 

Why did you say that I am not enough?
Why pierce me to the soul?
Because now, like the winter wind outside
My heart’s become so cold.

Here comes the rain
I’m crying in pain
Sighing with the wind
Swaying in the trees
Here comes the rain
I’m carrying the pain
I’m falling to my knees-
Here comes the rain.

 

Here comes the rain
I’m crying in pain
Sighing with the wind
Swaying in the trees
Here comes the rain
I’m carrying the pain
I’m falling to my knees-
Here comes the rain.

Inside

Gut wrenching, bloodcurdling,
Heart pounding, can't breathe.
A vice, it closes
Tighter, tighter
Round my
Throat
Lungs
Heart
Soul
Pain, pain
Like a torch in my stomach,
A fire in my veins,
An earthquake in my chest.
Whispering, hush hush,
Don't tell her,
She's a freak,
Quiet.
Screaming,
Wailing, in my head,
Voices that tell me...
I'm better off dead.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Thoughts/Comments appreciated.

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Ocean of Sorrow

Everyday I feel the pressure of the lies... Because I have no answer to life's whys.
Drifting through a troubled sea... Consisting of my many faults, it seems.
Ships sail by, and never stop to see... If I might need some help, but only laugh with glee.
Trying to reach the closest vessel... But this ocean of sorrow requires all of my strength to wrestle.
I want to reach out, to call for a savior... But I can't deviate from my constructed behavior.
And I hope for peace, but to my fate I'm resigned... Because I know in my heart...it's something I'll never find.
So I wait, and hope for a sign... From someone...anyone...benign.
Everyday I feel the pressure of the lies... Because I stopped looking for answers to life's whys.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Another poem I wrote a while ago. Feedback would be appreciated, hope you like it!

Valentine's Day

I see them holding hands,
both with stupid grins showing.
He's looking into her eyes, with pure adoration...
She's so content, she's positively glowing.
I've never felt such emptiness, seeing them across the room.
They stand to leave, hands still locked.
I watch them walk away with slight relief...
Only to see another couple take their place, as if I'm being mocked.
Their special evening begins much the same,
with roses, sweets, and practiced words.
Their voices drift over to me, sitting so near...
And I hear the three words I dread to hear...
I can't stand anymore of this terrible ache.
As I gather my things, I try not to think
of the happiness they have...
for my sanity's sake.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Valentine's Day always leaves me sort of melancholy. All feedback appreciated.

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The Shadow of Despair

Folder: 
Volume Three

~*~
The Shadow of Despair

This is about how its all my fault,
A tragedy sealed behind an impenetrable vault.
Mistakes made at every turn, demons lurking behind every corner
betrayed by my own hypocrisy, perhaps someone should alert the coroner.
Blame it on me, my failure your scapegoat, often the whispered joke.

I can feel the sinking of gravity as it pushes down on me,
I can feel the clash of depravity as it wages it's war within me.
The battle cry, the song of death as one day I will take my final breath.
With each passing day, I fail to find the words I desperately wish to say.

I have lost my sight, I have lost my way.
Grew distracted by the web of life,
mesmerized by all of the flashy and fancy lights
and like a month to the candle, drawn towards the flame.

I can run on and on, going no where fast,
running in circles, chasing forgotten dreams of the past.
Can you hear me? Can you see me? Have you become lost?

'Lost to the Shadows'
“Lost within the forest of sorrow,
hidden behind the mountains of pain.
Hope becomes a treasure of faith.
A forgotten lore, a path littered with traps
riddled by reminders of all the past mistakes
haunted and tormented by the few regrets.
My spirit remains strong in this time of chaos,
The desire to live, too survive at any cost.”

Look inside yourself, for the answer to this question.
Should divinity be born as an obsession?
Run the gauntlet and strive for perfection?
Wake up, we are trapped within this illusion, this dream
and we are starting to rot trying to figure out what it all means.

Sealed away in this crazy house, it's a game of cat and mouse.
Born into this mad circus, a game without any purpose
when did chaos reign in order, a storm of war one after the other.
A lone wolf, a lone voice, call it's bluff and make your choice.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

hmmm, okay I had a real hard time putting this into the 3rd Vol. Due to the fact it will more likely belong to my next series of "Lost Treasures" So it may get moved it may not, I do not know yet but I hope you enjoy.

Vale of Life

I walk through the forest of my haunted past,
Not knowing whether to turn or be stead-fast.
My heart cries out in the darkness of my shattered mind,
Crying for that which I desperately seek to be mine.
I glance at the path I’ve traveled in these long and dismal times
And see there my broken and shattered heart lie.
I have had none in my arms ever to cause such pain,
But this pain comes from watching love go away.
Seeing my love with someone for whom they are poisoned by,
Crying out to save you from then, but all you do is stare and then.
You vanish in the blackness that my eyes may only see,
You standing there in all this confusion which I long to be,
Long to be a part of something to give me just a little glee.
For throughout my life no light was there,
Not one little light as warm or as cold as yours.
For with you I am happy,
Happier than a pure dream.
But without you I am dying,
Fallen Dead face first in amidst the smiting.
So I cry for my loss, as well as your own demise,
But I know that you are blinded, by a lover has-been.
You cling for you fear no one else will love you,
But you are wrong you see.
For I love your laugh, your smile, and even your quiet cry.
I love you for being you, and not just for your falls.
I bring with me an ember, an ember with which I see,
All that you could be, with or without me.
But as you sit with the poison, you accomplish nothing as he wants
Sitting, wasting in your silence, as I cry out from the mist.
If only you would know this, and come and sit with me.
Maybe then we could be, all we’re meant to be.

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Falling

Falling…
Falling faster than a grain of sand,
I keep falling down just so I don’t have to go back down again.
I hear what they say
I hear the whispers, the thoughts, all the things in this muddled fade.
And so I fall.
Fall away from all the pain, into greater depths of the crueler pain.
Scream and cry, with nowhere left to hide.
and I think.
Did I have a place to go?
and I think yes.
I had a place for one week.
I belonged in simple harmony
with the pursuit of happiness as my goal
I worked long and hard to pay for that toll
And it was glorious.
But now I am falling
falling to another out crop
That may make my fall come to a short stop
I’ll call out for help, but noone will be there.
and so I’ll hop off of the edge
Hoping just to fatally hit a ledge.
Life wouldn’t be so nice though…
Life wouldn’t let you get away.. even so,
I will keep on falling, from the cruel cold pain.
Until I hit the bottom, and start to climb once again.

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