Timeless Valentine

Rose Garden

I love you.......I love you........
But nothing beats those simple three words
I tried to write all that I feel
Poems, lyrics, compositions too.....

I tried to use, but all in vain.......
Bombasic words and colorful phrase......
Through words I tried to convey.........
There's so much I wanna say..........

Saying "Always Be My Valentine".
So I write this poem , and I'll hang my sign,
As we laugh at time from day to day.
Your loving heart turns like to play.

I know I'll never stop loving you
De spite the things that we go through
But with you along, I can't complain
Getting older can be a pain

Still a smile from you, and I'm in the groove...
My joints all ache, I can hardly move
When I pass a mirrow, it can make me gag
Time shifts my body, I start to say,

Just seeing you sets me aglow
Though decades come and go,
One thing is surely true, my dear,
As time goes from years to years

When I pass the mirrow and I see You
Im more in love with you, then ever before
I start to smile and it grows and grows
Because my love your still my love, after all these years.

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This morning
I woke you from your dreams
and you were my girl
I gently caressed your face
and you were my baby
I softly whispered, "I love you"
and you were my sweetheart

But that was this morning
and hours have since passed

The look in your eyes now
excited, timid, and unsure
of what I'm gonna do next
as I pin you against the wall
Our faces, so close
Forehead to forehead
Lips almost touching
but not tonight
Kisses are for lovers
and there is no love here
You are not my sweetheart
from this morning
and I am not the man
that gently caressed your face
I am a strong and lustful beast
and you...
You are nothing more
than just my prey

I move in and smell
the sweet aroma
of your neck
and breathe lightly on it
causing surges to race
along your spine
You wrap your arms
around me and draw me close
The space between us
instantly vanishes
And now, I can feel
your heartbeat screaming
pounding against my chest
as I nibble upon your earlobe
"Oh baby, please take me now"
You whisper passionately
setting off an explosion
of sexual fury within me
Violently, I tear away
the chothing that hides
your innocent body
Your shirt, discarded
like unwanted trash
as you frantically
squirm free from your jeans
You don't even bother
to kick them away
Your attention pulled elsewhere
and you stare seductively
into my lustful eyes
as you reach behind
unfastening your bra
Meanwhile, I'm fiercely
ripping your panties off
that mock me with their presence
You stand facing me
with your bare back
pressed against the wall
Naked, exposed
and helplessly vulnerable
to my devious desires
I take a moment
to absorb the sight
Soaking in every curve
of your sexy body
My chest raises and falls
with deep and heavy breaths
of dirty passion, sexual rage
and burning anticipation

I will ravish your body
I will fully control you
because tonight
I completely OWN you
...and your entire sexuality
belongs solely to me

This morning
I may have woken
loving you as my baby
But tonight...
I'm gonna fuck you
as if I despise you.

- June 3 / 2011

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This is my FIRST ATTEMPT at writing a poem about sex. Critiques and feedback would be greatly appreciated since this is something I would like to get better at writing. Thanks

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2010-2012 Poems

You are the smile on my lips,
The tears in my eyes…
The lemon in my tequila,
The salt sprinkled on my wound…

I breathe for you, I bleed for you…
My life, my death, my strength, my pain, my hero…
My monster…but above all—
My love.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

-(c)jerlin 31May11. Piece for my video poetry...for the people you can't live with and can't live without.


Enveloped in your embrace
while strong hands tenderly caress
the curves of my body

Soft, succulent sweep of your lips over mine
carrying me to where I long to be

As your arms slip behind ever so slightly
lifting my shoulders to press breasts to chest
I gracefully arch
offering you sultry sensuality

Deliberate lush brushes against the red swirl of my throne
arouse the Goddess Serpent of eternity

She rises slowly from the earth

Lifting her head
swaying rhythumicly
revealing her inner sanctum
to her God Serpent's , intoxicating song

Her God Serpent slithers back along his Goddess
entwining around her as
they begin the dance of one

Slow blazefull passion
ignites to a silky intensity
unlocking places of unbounding heights
essence of you essence of me
whispered desires in the night

Dare to let go
reveal your fantasies
surrender them to me

Goddess Serpent

Author's Notes/Comments: 

SC special moment

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For My Hero


There once was a girl
Who looked out at the world
And saw that it was going wrong
Her hero was a peaceful one
But he was taken by a gun
Before she was even born
But his music changed her life somehow
Because of him she is peaceful now
She knows that peace can be
And that love is all we need
Her hero is of course John Lennon
And she won't let him be forgotten
Through her his message lives on
In all of her poems and songs
She is willing to be but a messenger
So she can save others
The way he saved her

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The vapid, fleeting divide in your breath & mine,

 our tongues quietly meet ... savor the thrill, So sweet

the coffee'd wetness, slipp'ried trance, suffuses our gentle dance.


Exhale warm dampened breath around

each other, euphoria newfound.

Dividing, our eyes embrace, minds see only one face.

Echoing halves exploring more ... acquiesce as  blissful as before.


Another moist naked taste, more deeply inhaled in haste.

Memorize your prickled, softened skin, lap up the curve of your chin.

Journey to tender-lobed ear, I nuzzle with nips, you, my dear.


Bend to make you indulge my thirst, I race to surrender my body first.

 Your skillful & knowing touch can yield in me much

 more than I should show, but, you already know

how to turn me inside out. Your mouth removes all doubt.


 I melt like the cream on my hot delight

 see/touch/taste it's implosive light.

Your tongue feasts on my response,

I cannot echo only once

and insane, insistent, you begin again.


 The summiting of my desire has nourished my fire.

I nose your ascent, begin my descent

 to that warm familiar place; I bury my face

in musky fold(s), my lips become bold.


Savoring your salty-sweet, licking, tasting the heat

 of your steely need, my mouth must feed

'til you are done, 'til there's none ...

nothing more of the liquid love I adore.


 My hair entangles 'round your consumed joy.

I languidly trail my fingers, to happily toy

the bittersweet of your skin & learn the male heat within.

Bask in the afterglow, embers of the love we know. 

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Dedicated to "_________"

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And in one breath
a moment passes
Here now
Gone forever
One breath
One moment
And in that moment
the universe collaspes
and falls into you
There is nothing
trivial concerning you
Every moment spent
together is like
an overdose of
both life and love
I feel your open
heartbeat pounding
to the rhythm
of precious innocent
childhood memories
never forgotten
And as you speak
I watch the words
float off your tounge
like music notes
taking flight and
skipping across
waves of the wind
before gently landing
on my heart
and sinking deep within
where they rests
knowing that
they're safe in
my blankets
of passion for
everything you are
I am engulfed
by your presence
Absorbed by even
the breaths to take
Lost in your majesty
that comforts me
like warm sheets
in the cold
hands of December
Comfort that sets
me free with wings
outstretched to both
ends of the Earth
And your romantic eyes
kindly welcome me
to dance away
all the burdens
of any moment
since passed
They sing to me
a sweet song of
refuge and sanctuary
we are
We are the very
core of who
we truly are
The floor beneath us
is littered with
our inessential masks
that were worn in the
light of the world
And your simple touch
Soft, sensual, and
Immerses me into
fantastic and poetic
dreams where music
surrounds us
Imagination embraces us
and fantasies bound us
as we lie on a bed
of eternal blissful sympathy
Together we are
We are


- March 1, 2011

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Mannequin Love

Wash away my off-the-rack day

and soap me down

with your cleanly woven self.


Stitch your breathing along the seams of my throat,

then finish straightjacketing my heart;

alter my standard-issue rhythm along your couture lines.


Button up my soul in yours.


Quilt my pattern with your tailored hands and

safety-pin a zipper into my fabric and I will open 


and I will fuse my silk around your love-fur 

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On Life and its Potential for Absence

Over the past few months, I find myself thinking about death.

I wonder about what passing away would be like.

I contemplate doing it myself, and then my mind drifts, and I pretend like nature or fate will be the one responsible.

My life has hit a point of stagnant limbo. Anyone familiar with my writing knows that I've never been particularly happy, but I'm starting to feel it all bottom out. Purpose has eluded me for pretty much the entirety of my adult life. I'm still quite young, but I'm so impatient, and I'm feeling desperate for something to keep my head above the drowning pool. I've tried to go back to school almost half a dozen times, and yet every time I know that it's pointless, because I return without a sense of direction, and I inevitably get lost in the corridors and then frantically search for the exit. The exit is always the easiest doorway to find. It's almost like it follows you everywhere, while all possible destinations scurry like cockroaches at your approach.

I try to bridge the gap between myself and my happiness with love and with girls. The harder I try, the less effective it becomes. Even as a simple illusion or distraction, it constantly backfires, as every girl I come across tends to remind me over and over of all of my personal failures. My stability is often dependent on the lady in my life, which is as unhealthy as it is necessary at times. When I'm completely alone and without any sort of pursuit, I stay locked inside of my head, without anyone to remind me that I am worthwhile as a person and as a man. I need someone to tell me that I am good and that they want me to stay by their side. It's sad, and by all means, it alone makes me that much less of a man. But there isn't any sense in lying to myself about it. I've been single for long stretches and I have had many dry spells, but never really intentionally. I don't possess much in the way of confidence and I am not especially social; I'm also terrified of being labeled as a "creep". But it's just as well, really - there's no sense in dragging another girl down with me while I'm stifled by my own issues and crises.

Despite depression being the only consistent theme that my life has ever had, I have never truly considered suicide. I've spoken of it before - many times in fact - because I wanted attention and aid. I often felt like the world around me was collapsing, and I always needed someone else to verify that it wasn't, and that everything was perfectly all right. But I'm not like I was when I was younger.

Recently, the moment things don't go my way, my mood plummets. These mood swings are so severe some times that it makes me worry for my mental health. And often, when things sway and I suddenly feel so angry and sullen, thoughts of death run rampant through my head. I imagine myself dying, and worse yet, I imagine myself dying at my own hand. I don't know when or why this started occurring, but it happens more and more often, and I generally have to find some way to talk myself out of the storm.

Even still, I have only just started to actually think about how I would go about it, and that's the first step to doing something crazy and foolish. I still like to think that I would never even dare attempt it, because my family and friends matter to me far too much and I don't want to burden them with doing something so careless and horrible. I would be at peace, but they would be in turmoil. I don't believe in Hell, nor do I particularly believe in Heaven and I'm starting to question the presence of a God at all, but I do think that some part of us remains after expiring, and that part of me would know, or at the very least, feel what I have done and the pain that I have caused.

Regardless of my intentions or my ability to stop giving a damn about the people that love me the most, the simple fact that I'm contemplating suicide at all warrants concern and action.

I used to see a therapist. As I was paying for it out of my own pocket, I could only afford to see him once every month. But he felt like a friend to me and was always someone that I admired. He knew that I was unhappy and unsatisfied with life, but he always seemed particularly confident that I would overcome my problems and find whatever it was that I was looking for. Recently, my parents were kind enough to pay for another visit to him. I hadn't seen him in over a year-and-a-half, and I told him quite literally everything that had happened to me since we last spoke. My failure to make a life for myself in Columbus, my parents' divorce and reconciliation, my relationship with Megan, my eventual and complete dependency on marijuana, my confession to and fallout with Christina, the jobs that I've had and lost, the time that I've wasted; all of it came out in a stream that wasn't quite a vomit of words but wasn't far from it. He listened mostly in silence, making the occasion quip or  comment here or there. By the end I feel that he understood that I had been through quite a lot in a relatively short period of time. We joke with each other a lot and in the midst of our sessions tend to share amusing stories or anecdotes, but this time, he was very serious. By the end, after I fought to admit to him that my thoughts did some times revolve around suicide, for the first time in all the time I've been seeing him, he strongly recommended that I return to talk about these issues. He seemed genuinely worried and concerned, which, while somewhat alarming, was also very comforting and kind of touching.

So much of my life has been spent in misery. I've whined to so many of my friends and family that for the most part, I don't really think anyone takes me seriously anymore. For the past several years I've become quite good at keeping my hurt and my pain to myself, so when it does spill out, it tends to be in the form of a meltdown. Sadly, that is usually the only time anybody pays much attention. But I understand their perspective. Fortunately, my therapist is paid to listen, and therefore has no choice but to really understand what I'm telling him. I don't think I'm deluding myself into thinking that he cares. It's hard for me to really talk about things as serious as this to anyone but him, because people will automatically go from uncaring to frantic the moment I mention that I've been thinking a lot about dying. That doesn't help me. But at the same time, no longer do I wish to weigh upon anyone else's thoughts due to my own trivial sobs and sorrows. My life is not difficult or traumatic, and yet I seem hard-wired for gloom and despair. How could anyone understand or comprehend that? I don't even understand it.

The other night my sister took me to a local concert where a band that we both really enjoy was playing. I'm always happy to get out and do something active these days, and I was excited to see what kind of crowd would be attending this show. We sat for quite a long time before the band we came to see appeared on stage, and I amused myself by watching the different groups of people interacting with each other. Some of them sat and talked, smoking their cigarettes and drinking. Some of them revolved from the dance floor to the bar and back again, while others simply never stopped dancing as long as there was music to dance to. When the Ragbirds finally took the stage and blew everyone away with their eclectic and all-encompassing performance, I was treated to many displays of joy and indulgence that were so lacking in self-consciousness and doubt that it was really sort hard not to be inspired by them. There were many couples: some danced very closely while others danced haphazardly and with reckless abandon. Groups of friends would drag each other to the dance floor and coerce each other into grooving this way and that. Even people completely on their own would find their own space and move to the music in their own unique manner. No matter who I saw or observed, all I could sense from their expressions, the way that they spoke and the way that they flowed was happiness. Despite everything else happening in their life at any given time: tonight, they were free to dance to the beautiful music of a talented band that they all loved so dearly.

And I admired them for their apparent lust for life. Some of them were probably just like me: without much of a direction, maybe without any aspirations at all. Maybe some of them were having a hard time with money or making rent. Maybe some of them were having problems with a relationship, or had recently had an argument with a friend or family member. None of it mattered while they danced and laughed and spoke across the room. And I found myself wishing that I was like them. I carry my burdens upon my back everywhere I go, and though I am still able to let loose and have a great time on occasion, the moment the excitement stops and the stillness settles back in, I hit the rocky floor below all over again.

I'm so tired of being the way that I am. I don't want to die, and I don't want to consider the idea anymore. If I could unlock myself, things would get better. They would get infinitely better. The drive to try and succeed is completely lost on me. I may be done with school for the rest of my life, but why does that mean I have to give up on being somebody? I'm so damn talented, and my depression makes it hard to even indulge myself in my talents. My art is constantly suffering because I am so rarely in the mood to pick up the pencil or the charcoal or the tablet. My poetry comes and goes and while my abilities stay strong, they would be miles above where I am now if I could dedicate myself to them. And though I will always be in love with my drum kit, I am so desperate to become a true musician and songwriter that it hurts. The dedication... It's what I need. It's what I need for everything. The passion, the dedication and the drive. All of these things that are necessary for me to finally move on and to realize my true and limitless potential, but I am constantly at a loss for them.

I feel as though I will muse on this subject for the rest of my life without ever being able to change it.

I want my lust for life to match my lust for the female form.

I want to live.

And I need to find a way to live, or else I don't think I'll last much longer.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Apologies for writing this. It's depressing and dramatic. But it's true, and I needed to let it out somewhere that it could be read, but where someone in my life wouldn't stumble upon it.

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