Feeling This Infinite Love

Oh The Sweet Soothe Sound
Soothe Sacred Soft Singing
The Gentle Touch Of The Skin
How Our Cheeks Brush Up
The Blush Of The Cheeks


Turns Bright Scarlet Red
Red Like A Delicious Tomato
How Our Chests Press Against
The Affectionate Hearts Resound
Oh How It Feels So Warm And Cozy


I Love That Feeling With You
Because Being With You Feels So Free
Breathing Feels So Great Again
I Know Your Heart
Because You Knew My Heart
Before I Knew Myself


To Embrace Your Love With Me
To Press Against Your Chest
To Hold You Tightly By Me
Wrapped In Your Arms


What's There Left To Say
Because There's No Words Needed To Say
I Know I'm Okay Because You're With Me
And Even When You're Far Away
I Still Feel You With Me
You're The One Who Brings The Best Out Of Me
The One Who Finds The Radiant Shine In My Heart


Even When I Find The Darkness Consuming Me Whole
I Open My Eyes And I Remember You're With Me
You're Always With Me Where Ever I Go
You're Always Looking After Me
I Adore The Thought  Of You Taking Care Of Me
To Feel Cherished All The Time And At Any Place


Oh How Could I Explain In Actions
I Can't Begin To Explain In Words
Because Your Love Is Unconditional
Oh How Wide And How Long
I Could Not Measure At All
But It Lengths Longer Than
An Unlimited Supply Of The Love You Give

There's Nothing Else Is Left

Some Say They Want You
Some Say That The Really Care
But In The End They Just Don't Care
I Cannot Keep Living This Way
I Can't Keep Wasting Away


But I Can't Seem That I Know It
Something That Keeps Me At Bay
What's Keeping Me Strong
What In The World Is Keeping Me Awake

I Don't To Make Things Harder
But Standing On The Dark Roads Now
I Feel The Light Escaping My Grip


But It's Not Left Me Just Yet
Cause I Haven't Given Up
This Fight Isn't Over Yet


I Keep Calling Your Name
But Do You Hear My Call
I'm Still Holding On
That's Why I Still Pray
Though I Don't Know What Else To Do
I Don't Know What Else To Say
I Can't Find The Words In My Heart


Cause You Just Gotta Know
I'm Trying Real Hard To Hold On
I Still Feel Empty Deep Inside

And It's Been A While Since I Last Felt You


Even When I Try To Smile I Feel Like It's Fake
And Even When My Emotions Grow Highs And Lows
I Still Feel I'm Sitting Right At The Bottom
Like The Lid Was Closed On This Cap
The Contents Fell Through The Roof
And Hit Directly To The Basement


I Know I'm Not Perfect
But I Feel Worthless And Useless
I Can't Help But Think A Certain Way
Cause With Special Capabilities
I Just Feel My Talents Are Unknown


I Can't Trust Myself
Cause I Know If I Do
I Just End Up Hurting Myself
My Sinful Self Knows My Weaknesses
And Strikes Directly At The Heart


I Don't Know How You're Working Lord
If I Knew The Ways Of You
Would Things Feel Different
Would My Actions Feel Altered
Would I Still Trust Myself 


I Feel Like I Have Nothing Else Left
I Know I Have Alot In My Life
But I'm Losing My Mind
And My Faith Is All I Got
I'm Still Holding On To You Lord
I Don't Know What Else To Do
So That's Why I Still Pray

I Don't Have The Words My Heart Wants To Say

Seems Like Its Just Passing By
And I Know It's Just Something To Pass By
I Thought Something Would Be Different By Now
But It Feels Just The Same As Last Year


If I Could Change A Thing
I Don't Think I Would
But I Could Have The Memories Back
I Wouldn't Doubt With Pure Reject
I Wouldn't Reconsider Cause I Wouldn't Want It
All This Time I'm Just Pretending


I Know It's Important To Me
But It Feels Pointless Right Now
Even Though I May Not Understand It
Maybe's I'm Just Thinking Too Much
But Honestly I Just Don't Remember
Why I Even Feel This Way Anymore
Or The Things That Changed My Mind


I Don't Have The Words
I Don't Really Feel Like Saying Anything
But To Feel The Warmth Affection
I Just Can't Believe It
What Are You Waiting For

Cause If You're Waiting On Me
I Don't Have A Clue
On What I Should Aim For

All I Have Is Bits And Pieces Of Things In My Mind
All These Memories I Don't Want To Remember Anymore
But My Mind Reminds Me Of Things I Try To Forget
I Don't Feel Like I Should Care About Anything Anymore


I Walk Down This Path I Feel Like I Should Know Something
But All I Know Is That I'm Dead Inside
Ohh I Scream For Your Name
I Can't Block Any Of This Pain
Because It's All Coming From Inside
It's Eating Me Inside Feels Like An Erupting Outbreak


Feels Like There's No Room For Anything In My Heart
All I Have Is The Fear That Merges Me Into Frightening Timid
All I'm Feeling Is This Tormented Scars That's Driving Me Insane
All I Thinking Is This Distressful Agony That's Torturing Me Like Crazy
Although All I Have Left In My Heart Is Knowing I Just Can't Give Up On God

Screams Of The Exile

If I'm Aiming To Sing For Love
Then Why Am I Always Screaming Out My Lungs Out
I Can't Help It But Scream Out When Life Beats Me Down
When I Can't Feel My Lungs I Always Forget About My True Identity
I Always Need To Keep My Heart Soft And Gentle
Cause I Know I'm Not Filled With Harsh Hatred


But Now I Know I'm Choking
And Then I'm Starting To Bleed
I Know Can't Stop The Race
I'm Feeling It In My Knees
I'm Beginning To Stumble Down


Let Me Breathe Through You
Let Me Feel Your Unconditional Love
Cause This Grip Of Mine Loosens It's Ambition
When I Lose My Impatience
It Takes Over My Attitude
I Lose The Boost Of Progression
And It Declines My Steady March


A Movement I Just Can't Stop
I Can't Turn Back And Fall Over
Because Before I Know It
It'll Be Too Late For Me
But I Know I'm Saved By My Savior
If God Is With Us, Who Can Be Against Us

Boy with a smile and a darkness to fear

He sleeps, so soundly, curled up on his side, 

he drank his last drink, said his last goodbyes, 

he loved a girl with all his heart, 

tried to hold on with all his might. 


I held him together, my hands on his scars, 

he tried so hard to hold onto our stars, 

he stood ahaking, all skin and bones, 

he just wants me to leave him alone. 


Drowning in a sea of pain, 

multi- colored coated drugs, 

was all for him, 

that was never enough.


"She doesn't understand me" he'd say

"She doesn't know the pain".


He never took the chance to pull,

pull up on her sleeves,

to see what she is hiding underneath.


The girl he loves sees the darkness too,

she always felt so terribly blue,

her arms had a railroad track of scars,

some old, some new, some left drying.


She holds him together,

he pushes her deeper,

deeper into the darkness,

of her mind and her life.


Never mind that the darkness,

has taken over,

taken over her life.


The new stars no longer,

shine, oh so bright.


The boy drowns in self-destruction,

but so does the angel,

of darkness.


She is drowning in the darkness,

for oh so long, she's been trying,

to fight against it, she's been trying,

to keep them both afloat.


Don't know how much longer,

she can keep hold.


He holds his hand out,

and she pulls him to her,

trying to shield him from,

this world full of hurt.


He doesn't know her nights.


A blade, and filled with lies,

she's tried to say her last goodbyes.


Only one thing is keeping her here,

a boy with a smile and a darkness to fear.


She tries to keep him, but if he should go,

she wouldn't be far behind him.


But he doesn't know that,

doesn't know that the pain he feels, so does she,

doesn't know that his angel of darkness,

is drowning in her own darkness.  

Author's Notes/Comments: 

A friend of mine was suicidal and always telling others that we didn't understand, we did. 

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Courageous is the man who speaks openly
Of his afflictions, his addictions,
Who is under the 'dark night of the soul',
And can corraberate his admissions
Exposed in gratitude, to understand the path
That led him to his personal hell,
And bring meaning to his suffering
In a way that raises his spirit to higher ground.


Through the journey of tracing the scars
Carved upon his soul by his weaknesses,
He procures and acclaims his strength
As the gracious hands of wisdom
Untether the ties that bound his sapience,
And he learns what it means to be free
Whilst donned in the shackles of the flesh
Binding him to an earthly existence.


1:26 AM 5/5/2013 ©

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I Know You Care About Me


I Know I Put Myself Down
I Know Shame Myself For Being Unique
I Know I've Discredited Myself
I Know I've Neglected My Confidence


But Thanks For Loving Me Anyways
I Know I Don't Deserve This Love
I Sometimes Ignore You
And I Don't Even Talk To You


But Even If The Odds Are Against Me
Thanks For Being There For Me
Thanks For Praying For Me
I Know When The Clouds Pass By
And The Stars Twinkle In The Sky
You're There Somewhere With Me


If We Could Close The Gap Between Us
I'd Say You Shine Brighter Than Me
But When We Clump Up All The Souls In A Group
And The Each Person Collected In A Sphere
I Know Each One Shines Bright In A Different Way


Yes I Know I Haven't Talked To You In A Long Time
I Do Quite Frequently Think About You
Though We May Not Be Connected Anymore
I Sincerely Miss You Deeply


I Know Words May Not Seem Much
It  May Not Mean Much To You
But Honestly In This Moment
I Wish I Could Directly Hug You Right Now


Maybe I've Liked You More Than A Crush
But I Don't Think That Matters Anymore
Things Have Changed And I Can't Think Clearly Anymore
I Know Love Is Fragile And Frankly In This Society
Hearts Are Broken Much More Easily Then Ever


Perhaps It Was Meant To Be
But Since This Salvation Has Saved Me
I Really Can't Claim This Salvation As My Own Achievement
I Think The Reason I Was So Clean From This World
Was Because God Planned It From The Beginning


Without A Doubt I Surely Wouldn't Know About It
To Actually Know Whats Planned Ahead For Me
And The Reasons For The Things That Has Occurred In My Life
I Can Only Know That You Care More About Me Than I Know

She's Pretty Unique


I've Always Thought It Was Cute
Whenever A Girl Blushed
But In This World
People Are So Critical Of Appearance


Sometimes It Makes Us Insecure
But Really Its Just Personal Opinions
Though We Take Other People's Harsh Judgement
Over Our Own Perspective And We Hurt Inside


But Really People Are Beautiful In Their Own Ways
It Really Is A Bother When People Critically Judge
And Point Out The Bads Of Someone's Face
If They're Not Skinny, They Aren't Attractive
But If They're Fat, They're Unhealthy


It's All A Matter Of Your Views
People Are Really Unique In Their Own Ways
Whether If It Has Pros Or Cons
We Are All The Same In Flesh And Bone Humans


I Like The Diversity Of Personal Assorted Interests
It Goes The Same With Hair Style And Clothing Preference
If Someone Has Curly Hair, It's Swirls Like A Sharp Twister
If Someone Has Straight Hair, It's Majestic Like As Flush Bridge
If Someone Has Wavy Hair, It's Smooth Like The Cool Ocean


No Matter What You Look Like
You're Always Beautiful
If Someone Doesn't Find You Attractive, That's Okay
Because We Are Pretty Unique In Our Own Ways

How Do You Keep Happiness

Various Objects

I Know That It Hurts
About What I Feel
But I Can't See It!
It Feels Like I'm Carrying Lots Of Burdens
Thousands Of Tons Weighing Over My Shoulder


I Think I Know About It
But I Really Don't Know Myself
I Know That I'm Breathing
But I Can't See Whats In Store For Me
If I Can't Feel You
I Know I Have To Trust You God


I Just Pray That You're Walking With Me
Whenever I Face A Difficulty In My Life
I Know I'm Running Away From My Problems
But In My Mind I'm Just Afraid Of The Future
Where I Can't See My Successes
The Triumphs I've Already Made
Since It's Already In The Past
All That Remains Are The Memories


Memories I'm Not Always Fond Of
Ones That Pain Me And Hurt To Think About
Stumbling Across Random Reminisces
Please Don't Remind Me Of The Hurt
It Chokes Me To Recall Such Loneliness


Don't You Dare Shove It In My Face
I Can't Control Or Contain Myself
And I Just Break Loose The Locks
Why O'why Does It Have To Be Like This


Life Didn't Come With A Manual
Never Once Did It Tell Me How To Feel Happy
How Does One Obtain Happiness
And When You Receive A Portion Of It
How Do I Keep It
Can It Be Placed In A Container
How Do You Feel The Happiness Kelt Inside


How Can I Keep A Happy Face On
When All I'm Showing Is Fake Smiles
My Skin Shows No Cuts Or Bruises On Me
It's Because All Of The Hurt, The Cuts, And The Bruises
Are All Sitting Inside Of My Heart
All The Wounds Are Mental And Emotional
I Can't Keep Myself Occupied With Other Things
When You Can't Feel Or See Any Hint Of Pain
It's All Hiding Deep Within Me