misplaced

Lost

I opened my eyes another day seeing only

the same endless ocean. This beautiful,

disheartening endless ocean.

 

A ship with the possibilities to be seen for

many miles. Yet, the oceans waves taunt me

with its excessive, dramatic waves.

 

Concealing me from the eyes of others.

 

This ocean; my best friend, my enemy. The

reason I have discovered the woes of

isolation.

 

Daily I wake up with a heart's desire to see

land, to move onward in my life's journey.

 

The oceans jealousy believes its memories

will be lost, but never. I vow! Caring

nothing for my hearts desire, yet it

mocks me with possibilities. Possibilities

that I might one day feel and experience what is now only memories.

 

my months spent crying, pleading, full of

hateful anger changed nothing. As I awoke

my eyes each morning was locked on the

same blue ocean floor. Deep waves, cool

breezes, moving deep sea passer-bys of the unknown.


I potentially die from the thought of

marriage to this mountain of beautiful

misery.

 

Years of plotting my escape proved to b

e act of a dreamer, not a doer.

 

My heart has grown numb and in my numbness, its torture lacks the effect it once had. I scream to all, my voice stripped and dry, barely heard by even the wind.

 

the silence of my unheard words replaced with the crashes of ocean waves; I will never submit.

Even while my knees have bent and come closer and closer to the panels of stained wood

 

I seemingly lose the courage to keep with my

vow to never submit, yet my vow to leave

this prison of cumbersome water has

engulfed me in disillusion.

 

In my lucid thoughts, I mumble of its

devilish games. The games that I will never willingly accept.

 

I listen to its illustrious melody. I am its mistress, a

the battle that seems impossible.

I am lost...

I am weak...

I will FIGHT till death approaches me.

The Secret's Out

 

~~~

the glistening dew upon

the petals of a rose,

and the

 

mourning sun


<¤>

 

the caustic yet subtle pungency

of sandalwood twirling past my nares

and 

 

the forest leaves underfoot


<¤>


a newborn baby's wail

and walls

and walls

of silence

layers

and layers

of denial

and


shame inflicted

love constricted

*

tightly wound 

to cover the 

pain of the past

ironically

making it last

 

<¤>


now,

here

i

sit


with dimestore favorites in an old shoebox

my kept treasures

after your funeral

 

and memories that you left

it feels so senseless

 

bereft

 

 <¤>

 

your burning passion

 

LOVE

LOVE

love of country

that was

 

that gaping bore,

carved into the very core of your soul...

...from war

 

<¤>

 

the depth of compassion in the heart

of a nine year old

waking in the night 

to the sound of

weeping

¤

sneaking down the stairs

peering through the railing

the clenched fists pressed tightly to eyes

desperation overflowing

overwhelming feelings 

of sorrow

of shame

of anger

of helplessness


*

torment

*


 teardrops

that brandished holes

upon my heart

to watch you

hide your turmoil

 in the darkness of the night

...alone


¥


and now

you are gone


.:-'*'-:. 

  you never knew...

I saw!


you never knew

I felt it too!


~~~~

 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Unresolved grief seen and felt through the eyes and heart of a child, and lingering memories it leaves.

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My Apology

 

 

......................

 

I apologize for my lack of tact,

 

And I know this resolve not easy, in it's fact,

 

You, so cute, in your anger of this,

 

So innocent and sweet, in your pain, so amiss,

 

But truth is, whether it was a stick or a baseball bat,

 

Makes not a difference, from where you sat,

 

Pain inflicted, is still pain, in-deed,

 

The best part, is that you recognize this seed,

 

Oh, my little darling...cry hard, and cry deep,

 

It is not in vain your tears, they weep,

 

You've opened doors, and possibilities galore,

 

You are now free!!

 

Now live some more!

 

 

 

 

5:25 PM 7/8/2013 ©

 

.................

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