astray

Lost

I opened my eyes another day seeing only

the same endless ocean. This beautiful,

disheartening endless ocean.

 

A ship with the possibilities to be seen for

many miles. Yet, the oceans waves taunt me

with its excessive, dramatic waves.

 

Concealing me from the eyes of others.

 

This ocean; my best friend, my enemy. The

reason I have discovered the woes of

isolation.

 

Daily I wake up with a heart's desire to see

land, to move onward in my life's journey.

 

The oceans jealousy believes its memories

will be lost, but never. I vow! Caring

nothing for my hearts desire, yet it

mocks me with possibilities. Possibilities

that I might one day feel and experience what is now only memories.

 

my months spent crying, pleading, full of

hateful anger changed nothing. As I awoke

my eyes each morning was locked on the

same blue ocean floor. Deep waves, cool

breezes, moving deep sea passer-bys of the unknown.


I potentially die from the thought of

marriage to this mountain of beautiful

misery.

 

Years of plotting my escape proved to b

e act of a dreamer, not a doer.

 

My heart has grown numb and in my numbness, its torture lacks the effect it once had. I scream to all, my voice stripped and dry, barely heard by even the wind.

 

the silence of my unheard words replaced with the crashes of ocean waves; I will never submit.

Even while my knees have bent and come closer and closer to the panels of stained wood

 

I seemingly lose the courage to keep with my

vow to never submit, yet my vow to leave

this prison of cumbersome water has

engulfed me in disillusion.

 

In my lucid thoughts, I mumble of its

devilish games. The games that I will never willingly accept.

 

I listen to its illustrious melody. I am its mistress, a

the battle that seems impossible.

I am lost...

I am weak...

I will FIGHT till death approaches me.

Under Skin

Folder: 
Self Loathing

These demons inside me

Stretch this body; so worn

Wearing me like prideful skin

Comfort is never born


Damned a daughter of Darkness

It leads, whenever I stand

"Come with me" it whispers

As its slowly giving a hand


Ripples under skin

Tingling down my spine

Where is the light so needed?

Where is the divine?


It's slithering through my veins

Beating with every thought

"Rest your head" it whispers

"I'll give you everything you've sought"


Fighting within myself

Will it ever go?

Or will I be lost forever?

The Darkness loving to sow


I feel like this is the end

How can I spread this out?

Justifying my passage not clear

Still swallowed by its wrathful clout

Astray

Its all about sex
Its all about drugs
Its all about money
and all about the thugs
Its all about popularity
Its all about the clique
Its all about fitting in
Its all about shit
Its all about style
Its all about fame

To me its all fucking lame
These stupid trends
and trying to fit in
Trying to look like her
Trying to be like him
Putting others down will make you win

Its all about looks
not what's within
These shallow people
Have no sense of humor
All they have are "twins"

Well, I don't want to be like her
I don't want to act like him
Just being myself,
You all act like its a sin

I may not be a saint
I may not be in style
All I know is
we are only here for a while
So I'm gonna live life the way I want
And they cant get in my way
I am gonna go astray

I may get shoved around
but that wont stop me
I will pick myself off of the ground
and keep on walking

Its my life and I'll live the way I want
I'll never give up
because I know that's what you want
So screw you
I don't like you anymore
Your face is such an eye sore

Its my life and I'll live the way I want
I'll never give up
because I know that's what you want

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