endings

Your Word for Goodbye

Folder: 
2019

I don’t want to learn

your word for goodbye.

For endings, for after, for

buried beneath.

I want to keep on writing

the good, the things that

don’t mean you will leave me.

 

I don’t want to learn

your word for again.

I want every moment to just

hang like this,

a cocoon,

its own being,

no front or back

just stay here and stare,

not pretending to be

anything but now.

 

I don’t want to learn

your word for undo.

No regretting the things that

brought me here.

I will remember

every fight

every whisper

every kiss

no matter which clocks are ticking

no mater how tall we stand

 

I will sit here,

I will sing,

I will write your name in the water

when it hurts to learn any new languages.

There are too many words for goodbye.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 8/29/19

Honest

Folder: 
2018

I saw the sleeve you wore your heart on

I’m wondering if it’s still there

since I’m still yours

and there are pieces of us everywhere,

in all my old scribbles,

buried in all of your coat pockets.

But it’s summer now.

 

You are what I used to see in movies.

You make me a truth teller,

turn my lights out

and then you’re gone before morning

and anyway I can’t keep track of time.

Where did the snow go,

where are all your coat pockets?

Given a moment I would sew them all up for you.

 

You are what I used to dream in color

I can’t be here, I’m colorblind

but I still watch your sleeves when you turn your back.

It’s summer now, too miserable for sleeves,

your shirts hang on by a string.

Where did the time go?

 

We are preachers and sinners at the same time.

So be honest,                 

now that I can’t read you like a book,

write me a story.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 7/13/18

50 was a crossroads

50 was a crossroads

By jfarrell

 

I did have a party on my 50th birthday…

And it was decided on your votes and contributions;

And, I think, it was great!!

 

My first birthday party, ever

Two folks did turn up..

Definitely better than no-one.

 

And we spent the night jamming on guitar;

With everybody begging me to stop singing, hehe

But, it’s my party and I’ll sing if I want to.

 

The real guitarist, I hadn’t seen him in a couple years;

And ‘Dodge’; well he couldn’t dodge the end of this friendship…

“Jim, you’re always so negative.”

 

A crossroads;

A natural ending, without bitterness;

My last friends and I go our separate ways.

 

“The times we had were great, we gotta keep in touch….”

We, all three, nodded, big smiles…

But.. the smile never quite reached our eyes….

 

I maybe losing the remnants of the only last good thing I got left;

Maybe, depression, pain, clouds my judgement….

….but

 

Maybe…

To move on to something better…

I gotta let something, stale, go….

 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

moving on, maybe.....

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The Crow

Folder: 
Favorites

 

I can see everything,

 

For I am gently flying above you,

 

I see your smile,

 

I see your frown,

 

I see when you need help.

 

But I could never understand,

 

For here I am above,

 

Gently flying along, and soon away,

 

Out of your mine,

 

Your life,

 

You will probably never think of me again.

 

You hear me,

 

I see you looking,

 

You never look away actually,

 

I have even come down to say hi,

 

But you don’t acknowledge me anymore.

 

So I leave again,

 

And gently fly away,

 

Hoping that one day you will wave again,

 

And beckon me once more.

 

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Mercantile

 

 

 

 

Mercantile

What do you mean?

I have heard the word

And maybe I knew it once

But not now

 

So I look it up on my phone

Magic?

Science!

There it is!

 

Adj.

of or relating to trade or commerce

Noun

a general store.

 

Look!

It’s dying

Right before my eyes

Left behind on my screen

Left behind in the 1920s

 

I shall miss you mercantile

You are such a nice word

That is trending down

 

 

 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Constructive criticism welcome. Smile

 

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The beginning of the end

Through the rough times and the good times the laughter and the jeers

In the school system Deborah and I have worked for 35 years.

 

Today we begin another school year and this one we’re sure to remember

Why, you may ask is it not like the rest?  Because we retire at the end of September.

 

You see unlike the 35 others this one’s more difficult to comprehend

For this is not just another beginning...it’s the beginning of the end.

 

There’s a frantic kind of happy chaos that accompanies a new school year

It takes a while, OK sometimes never, for order to appear.

 

But this year, just as things settle down, in the twinkling of an eye

It will be the end of September and time to say goodbye.

 

Perhaps it will make everything more meaningful, more special than years past

Knowing that it is ending and this beginning will be our last

 

So as you head out in the world today here’s something I recommend

Treat today and every other day as the beginning of the end.

 

 

 

 

 

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To love or not to love?

I don’t know what to tell you

I just feel like we are so different

I feel like all the reasons you love me are the same ones you hate me for

I feel like all we ever do is hook up

I feel like this relationship which started so innocent

Is now nothing but dust.

It has decayed and disintegrated

And I cant even remember what we ever talked about

I cant remember any good times

I cant remember anything besides being happy when you buy me presents and sad the rest of the time

I cant remember us having a conversation

I can only remember us watching tv until we decide to strangle each other in kisses

I cant remember being happy

I only remember the fear of losing you

I only remember the sexual drive

I only remember your disapproval every time you feel I’m too loud or two opinionated or too offensive

I can only remember you being annoyed at me

I hear you swear your love to me

And I believe you but I also believe we are different

I also believe that you love me for everything that makes me me

But I also believe you are embarrassed ashamed and annoyed by everything that makes me me.

So what to do

To love or not to love

To hold on or to let go?

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Sometimes its hard to figure out if the relaionship will work because maybe just because we are in love doesn't mean its right. Maybe its just the feelings of the past that will never leave but the relationship itself is not constructive for either person.

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tags:

She Cries For Us

With arms outstretched
Toes pointed downward
Her hands are tied
Is this how Christ felt?

Its endless circles
Paths that lead nowhere
Everyone is running away
Will the end ever come.

There is no beauty allowed
Crying is silent
Those with sight
Are being lead by the blind.

Is there any faith left
Those with hearts
Follow the ones with none
Where is the belief in that.

Her arms are open
Wide enough for us all
She cries for us
Is this how Christ feels?

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tags:

Endings

Folder: 
Love

4/27/11

The silence is overwhelming

Truth clinging to the air between us like last hopes

Remaining suspended will they inevitably shatter?

I've withheld nothing from you, my open heart will it become an open wound?

I hold my breath and time ticks by and your voice never ever fills this silence

Hopes shatter, dreams crash and burn

My hands shake knowing they will never be held in yours

Author's Notes/Comments: 

dedication, to the martyr, my muse

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