Lonliness

She Told Me

She told me that she didn't know

anymore what I thought we knew. 

She told me she was thinking still

of where to go and what to do.

 

She told me that she loved me still

yet she thought it best she go.

She told me that she always would

but in her eyes it didn't show. 

 

She left, and there I stood alone

as she swore I'd never be.

She left, and there I stood alone,

lost at home with her memory. 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This is based on a conversation had on Sunday of Thanksgiving weekend of this year. It is raw and painful and I don't know what to do.

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When I Became The Night

 

 

It was when the dusk overshadowed brightness
And blocked out all rays of hope.
It was when my life became too distorted
And I could no longer cope.

 

When shadows were cast downward,
Falling over my forward path,
Causing me to loose my direction,
Too lost in midnight's wrath.

 

It was when my days all darkened,
The sun no longer shining it's grace.
No longer there to tepid my soul,
Nor warm the contours of my face.

 

When long hovering clouds, opened up,
Releasing torrents I couldn't bear.
When the deluge overtook too fast
And drowned one, already gasping for air.

 

It was when I could no longer see past,
The shaded areas, to look to the light.
Blinded by a pitching blackness,
It was when I became the night.


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I Can't Do This Anymore

 

Life, you win.
I'm too battered, too sore.
Too weakened to fight,
I can't do this anymore.

 

You've taken it all,
And left me agape.
Even in dreams,
I find no escape.

 

You taunt me with lies,
Even while I'm asleep.
I awake to darkness,
And in my silence, I weep.

 

You show me things,
That can never be.
Those things that mean,
The very most to me.

 

But you keep them away,
Just beyond my reach.
My trust is shattered,
My soul, it is breached.

 

You dangle them, before me,
Like a jagged piece of bait.
I've never caught, them at all,
And now, its too late.

 

So please, let me go,
You're the victor in this war.
I'll just take my leave.
I can't do this...anymore.

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Silence Within

My heart aches with each beat

 

Weighing heavily on me

No end in sight

No hope for a brighter tomorrow.

 

Where is this taking me?

A depth a cannot tolerate

Without a release

To numb the pain

 

Loneliness

Circles around

And within

Everywhere

 

I am a fraud

To you, to me

To everyone

 

Coming clean

Wish I could

It would lighten the load

But perfection can feel so good

 

For a moment

Then its back

To the silence within

Silence with you

 

Silence

Deafening silence

That mutes the heart

The sole

The essence of me

 

Until I am but a shell

With nothing left to give

To anyone

Not even myself

 

Closing my eyes

Until the thick lapse of time

Descends upon me

Relieving this harsh

Reality

Of what a fraud I really am…

 

I deserve this loneliness

I’ve brought it onto myself

 

If I can’t be real

Then I can’t be

 

Therefore I am not

Anyone.

The Silver Line Cast by The Silver Dove


Dyslexic in the language of love
 Where is the silver line cast by the silver dove?
Silence sings a song of gray
The lonely man molds a smile of clay
 His reflection imprinted on a window pane
As he waits for love to cure all bane 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I tried to vary the emotions with the lines. 

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searching

searching for a kindred          searching for my own        searching for a love to love me           in ways iv never known             searching for a twilight kiss upon    my moonrays bliss      searching for companionship      and all the things i miss             searching for a breath of air       upon this lonely deep blue chair       searching through the rainbow          from behind this shallow boy             hopeing ill find someone wholl see me as     better than just a white toy

Author's Notes/Comments: 

i write yet again for every white woman who has been abused in interacial relationships in my life not only have other women influenced and comanded the actions of these men who did this to me, but they have had the nerve to to demand an apology for me pointing it out, and with the fact of how terribly iv been treated that gave me the sense that they didnt look at me as a woman or a person but an object who had no choice and deserved mistreatment........ladies in my life iv found that people who carry the most guilt are always the ones asking for an apology and searching for an excuse is a sighn of weakness                               with perfect love        vivian77

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tags:

Make my lonely desert bloom again.

To see your face again
is like seeing the sun
after a long cold dark lonely winter
to hold you in my longing arms again
soothes my soul
and heals my broken heart
since you left me
my life was like a lonely desert
but now your hear please
make my lonely desert bloom again.
my soul mate and my friend.

Peter Dome. copyright.2012.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

First published 2010.

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Inside My head

Sometimes I feel alone
Where there's never a place to run
Because all I've sewn
is a life of ironic pun

I see you walking and say hello
You reply with the same
But I wonder if you'll ever know
That friendship isn't just a name

It's not all about me
I just want to make you feel happy
But, know that it's me
and not someone who doesn't care

Sometimes I feel alone
and you sit smiling having fun
I watch and wait to be known
But you don't see me. You Run.

Maybe it IS about me
I'm not who I am supposed to be
so how do I change me?
When I'm all alone?

Inside my head
I know that you feel the same
and you also feel much blame
that you too, dread.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I'm feeling very alone. But all my friends at school don't seem to see that a new kid who's a senior might be feeling like he doesn't belong. At my old school it was different. I could hug all my friends, and feel the comfort of friendship physically. But at my new school, it's too hard, and all the wrong people want my hug. Maybe I'm just too focused on myself. How do I lose myself in service to others? How to I be happy by making you happy?

The Outcast

Eric kept mostly to himself. Other children didn't like to play with him, but he didn't care. Instead he used to go into the woods and collect frogs.

He never had to look for them. They came to him. He pretended he was their king. He imagined he looked like them. But not really... He was bigger and a lot more dangerous.

He did quite well in school even though he seemed strange to others. Occasionally someone tried to bully him but it wasn't any fun. Eric just stood there without any reaction.

Afterwards, he used to stand in the schoolyard and stare at those who had tried to bully him. Although they didn't admit it, this made the bullies afraid. Eric's
look was so strange. Empty, cold and...dead.

Eric knew he was different, but didn't have any words for what he was. He figured he must have been adopted, because his parents wasn't like him.

In the night time he was under the water. He swam with speed and skill. His destination was a sunken city. A city with buildings very unlike those on earth.

Dark and chaotic buildings, with a geometry that would have been impossible to depict on paper. These dreams would have made most people wake up screaming, but not Eric. Instead, he was sad the dream was over.

One night the dream didn't end. Suddenly Eric was outside the place he lived, but everything was different. The sky was completely black and alien stars shone there.

In front of him was the beach and the ocean. Cliffs towered at the sides and all was shadows and silver grey. The ocean was calling him. He looked at his feet, and noticed the webbing between his toes.

Into the sea, into the darkness he threw himself. Finally he was coming home.

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