break ups

i can see the future

I can see the future

By JFarrell

 

I can see the future;

Look up,

That cloud, there.

Not that one,

The one on the left.

Look, really look;

Can you see?

Wars; famines; disasters?

Weddings; parties; happiness?

Heartbreak; homelessness; despair?

Love, wealth, fulfillment?

 

How about the cloud on the left?

Look, imagine, dream, dare.

You can see the future too :)

Just dream and dare to dream.

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

come and join in, seeing the future is easy

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To Guess the End

Folder: 
The Rest

Kindness is not enough

I challenge myself to find why

No justifiable words can tell him

 

Perfection does not exist

But a space for ideals is a part of me

So I punish the present with judgement

 

Compromise is possible

Yet I will wall up the place for it

unable to reason it's working in reality

 

I take the best of today

Knowing that I hold

the anguish of tomorrow in my intentions

 

What right have I got to his care

When it circles my selfish centre

Supporting what it can never truely touch

 

I think I've guessed the end of this story,

but I don't want to reach the final page.

 

My pages to turn,

but I can't act upon a feeling, when the scene in which I sit is still being written.

 

I cannot pre-empt a scenario which will leave us both in such pain

May the plot twist so that I can believe in what he feels and know that feeling.

That is the only ending I cannot foretell.

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GET OUT

Get out
I dont want You
I dont need you
Youve messed my head
one to meny times
Over and over You break my trust
and you you have done the worst
best friend lost
i want you gone
out of my life forever
youve interfered with my realationship
drove me to a point of no return
your evil soul should banish to hell
ur heart should sink
ur body shall crumble
you dont deserve ur place in my life
you dont even deserve her
thats right you dont deserve
deserve nothing
not even your life

Author's Notes/Comments: 

My bestfriend no more

The Disease I had...

was a disease that intended to please.
It slithered into my system with ease.
Slight symptoms showed up quick,
as if I got hit in the head with a stick.

Short attention span,
Sweaty hands,
Requestsing strange demands,
Hallucinations about future plans.

I was acting like I was on ecstacy.
I didn't want it to end for me.

that lasted for about a year,
Then crazy ideas impregnated my imagination with fear.
Perhaps panic that...

One day this magical man might leave either by choice or will.
Those thoughts made my body physically ill.
These strange thoughts birthed a virus and it took a speedy course.
This was the foreshadowing of lover's remorse.

When he finally left,
I uncontrollably wept.
A pain packed a punch to my chest,
It felt like he ripped off both of my breasts.

My body ached like I just completed a marathon mile.
Kleenex so damp it molded a perfect pile.
Then I was forced to digest these pills of denial.
they were big, bitter, and stirred up a tornado of stomach bile.

Then came the angry aggression
followed by its cousin depression.
Depression painted my face a pale grey.
In my bed I chose to stay.

Days came and went and yet,
my heart grew stronger and began to repent
My mind was prepared for the comments and questions
Though some days my heart suffered mild indigestion.

I don't know if my body will completely recover.
Mental scars continue to fly and hover
They provoke the thought and wonder of another.
I don't want to harbor the disease of a lover.

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tags:

Sucks Because She's Still Beautiful

Folder: 
Personal Favorites

Sucks Because She's Still Beautiful
by: JRFehlmann

every time our rides,
these now separate,
unconnected lives, paths...
coincide,
those amazing features,
flawless neck line,
my eyes make time
for her
though their conquests know
much more
distant,
propagate fantasies, memories
of what those full lips could do,
how the caress of hers set my heart aflame.
one way thoughts
that end
in the present,
in this wreck of a life,
wasted
every day wanting
to have
died
just the day before
goodbyes were given. the realization of my inequities,
inability
to conjure desire
as i could and ooh, oh so loved to do
when i was what
other men currently enjoy.
it sucks because she to my eyes
is the broken mold
post perfection,
to this day, it sucks
because
i want her,
because i do,
because
she's beautiful,
and I'm in love with her.

Now That You're Gone

pain so deep
i’m going down with it
my heart is being torn in two
i can feel it tearing
when those scars will come to the surface
i hope they show.

all i remember are the good things
i think about your hazel eyes
and all i do is cry.
life is about passion
all about your heart’s desires
i was crazy about you
and now you’re gone.
things happen so fast
faster than you can say “i’m just not feeling this anymore.”
as if i’m just a song on the radio you wanted to change
and not the girl who spent two months with you
or someone you told you wanted to be exclusive.
why must all good things come at a price?

i felt love, a first-hand experience
although maybe it was never real for you.
now you tore yourself away from me
before i could say i love you
before i could say i really need you

i’m too vulnerable
i’ve never been so weak
feels like a hard punch in my stomach
but the feeling doesn’t fade away
day after day it’s still the same.
i’ll be fine without you
but not better off.

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tags:

Heartless

Folder: 
When Anger Occurs

Felt like I was floating,
But really I was falling.
So wrapped up in your lies,
I didn't hear the truth calling.
To tell me you're the devil himself,
You keep you're heart a shelf.
Somewhere deep inside the whole you crawled out of.
I thought you were sent from above,
You said I was sent from above,
And I believed you,
Shows what I know about love.
Blinded by false light,
You took away my sight,
All I did was feel the wrong that I thought was right.
I should've known better than this,
Cupid totally missed;
Or maybe went right through you because you're so heartless.
You're so heartless.
You get what you wanted by taking it away from someone else.
I'm sick of you're taunting.
Its ruthless and haunting.
What happened to your heart?
Should've seen this from the start:
You are heartless.

You know I loved you so,
I never wanted to let you go.
You said forever and always,
Then lost track of the days.
Forever always ends up being trouble for me,
How much you affected my life,
Then took off in flight.
You never had a thought of what you left behind.
My mind filled with worry,
My eyes filled with tears.
I'm surprised I haven't drown from the crying,
That's lasted for years.
I hope maybe one day you'll learn a lesson
From playing with peoples' hearts,
Then ripping their life away.
People try to heal me,
Like they know what I'm feeling.
All the trust I've lost,
All the hate I've gained.
Its so unreal;
My body aches with hurt,
My blood pumps through pain.
Then I see you smiling like its some kind of game!
What a shame,
Well game over and all people rule the same
Because they're all so heartless.
No one will confess,
They do what they want,
Then push it away.
I'm sick of the lying,
The hate and the fighting.
What's wrong with this world?
Filled with all this hurt,
But you're still heartless.

I'm losing controll,
I'm about to let go:

Because you're so heartless.
You're sick and dishonest.
Take without asking first,
Then push it in the dirt.
I'm losing my gripping,
I think I am slipping.
You took what was best,
Then left all the rest,
Now I'm heartless.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I wrote this for people with broken hearts. Mainly me.

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Everything to do with you and reasons why I hate it - a collection of poems by CM

Submission

Love
The unraveling line
Again I am a victim
To the delicious desire of you

-

Absolution

One last time
Would you let me kiss you?
Let me pretend just for a little while
That we’re okay
That everything’s as it was several years ago
Love was new & everlasting
One last time
Would you let me hold you?
Before the darkness separates us
Before the cold comes blowing in
Please let me feel the heat radiate of your body
One last time
Would you let me touch you?
Each inch of your silken skin
Etched into my memory
After all these years
Until every freckle is found again
One last time
Would you let me tell you I love you
Through the tears
One last time
Would you tell me that you love me
And that everything will be alright?

-

Beginnings are just as sweet

She reveals to me
Her complications
I revel at her scars
With much speculation
Her voice nary
‘bove a whisper
The way she pouts
I just want to kiss her
She lures me in
With her air of mystery
I never thought she’ld
Take this much of me
“you know no not
What you’re getting into”
She purrs as daylight
Fades into a darker hue
When it’s all over
She rests against my chest
My one tidy bedroom & life
Now a complete & utter mess

-

One the borderline of drunk and sober

The answer to the puzzles realized
The look of hatred in your eyes
I’ve broken the chains of you
It’s hard to explain all I’ve been through
Your mock concern may work on someone else
Try another pretty doll on that shelf
There’s nothing you can say or do
I’ve finally broken the chains of you
I’m free to fall or fly
Fall in love or just cry
I understand your frustrations now
When I wanted to pull away but didn’t know how
You wanted me to go, but stay by your side
I wanted to leave, but slept with you at night
You finally pulled away knowing it was best
I steadily picked up the pieces of this mess
I moved on day by day
Until we no longer have anything to say
Ten months again I was a different girl
When you my love, my life, my entire world
But now I stand before you a woman changed
Not the broken bleeding thing that was pretty deranged
I’ve carried you like a battle scar
And I’m finally letting you know we’re now on par
You weren’t the first and you won’t be the last
But letting go of you was the hardest task

-

Handyman

You turn the screw
How predictable of you
You twist my words
Into things you like to hear
You hammer your opinion
Into my head
And here I thought you
Weren’t a handy man
You’re pretty handy
With your tools
You’re pretty handy
When it comes to you
When everything comes for you
And the world revolves around you
Everything’s so easy when it comes to you
But when you turn the screw..

-

And yet I stay

She’s unforgiving
Even now
Despite her presences
Next to me
She tenses at my touch
I was wrong
I know this now
Too late
To apologize
Too late
To be completely forgiven
She’s as cool as winter morning
The sun no longer shines
In her eyes
Merely tolerating my presence now
In the room
On the couch
Even in her bed

-

Losing myself again

Dragged down
By your lead words
Your daggers laced with poison
Disguised as friendly comments
They cut & cut
Until I bleed
Out the self confidence
I had gain while being away
From you

-

Things we should be saying but don’t

And so
We fight
Because we have nothing else to say
And so
We get angry
Wouldn’t have it any other way
And so
We give the silent treatment
That’s all there’s left to do
And so
We fill the empty space with hateful words
Instead of “I love you’s”

-

Angel in Disguise

I saw you change
Trying to hide those angel wings
Underneath that blue checkered
Button down shirt
Using your halo as a Frisbee
Your harp as a guitar
Your robe as the sheet for our bed
I saw you change
Trying to hide
Your true celestial nature
From me
You never could hide
Too much from me
Don’t hide those angel wings
Wear your halo with pride
Play your golden harp
Like no one’s listening
Except me
Take your robe off our bed
Wear it, I insist
I saw you change
Trying to hide
Your angel nature
Don’t hide it
I’ll love you anyways

-

Still Searching…

You and your infatuations
Always reaching
For the unattainable
Greener pastures
Not worth the effort

-

Nice Try

I’m not
Here to
Stoke
Your ego
I think it’s big
Enough
For the both
Of us

--

Recovery

Your only real concern
Is that
I won’t be
Brought down
By your insults
Anymore

-

Picking up the Pieces

Take your words
Oh, Mistress of Manipulation
And use them
On some unlucky victim
Spinning your web of lies
I have no use for them
Or you
Anymore

-

Boundaries

No more games
This time
You must draw the line
With a permanent market
My chalk ones
Have long since
Faded away

-

Shoo, Fly

Your company
Was more
Of an
Annoyance
Glad
You found
Someone else’s
Head to
Buzz Around

-

A Realization

I wore you
Like new sneakers
Trying to break you in
To fit only me
Now I wear you
Like a scar
A lesson well-learnt
You were never meant
To fit me

-

My Promise to You

I will not
Give you
The satisfaction
Of watching
Me
Crawl

-

A lesson learned

You stand there mocking me
Pretending you’re everything
I ought to be
I am sick of the way you treat me
Giving you every piece of me
And you take all of me
Leaving nothing left of who
I used to be
You are no longer the person
I knew back when
When things were simple
Love was different then
When I agreed to give all I had
Just to be with you
Now I’ll give everything I have
Just to be rid of you
I am sick of the way you treat me
Giving you every piece of me
And you take all of me
Leaving nothing left of
Who I used to be
I’m taking my stand now
Because you’re done
Taking pieces of me

-

Gone

If you’re gone
Please don’t call me
To say everything
That went wrong
If you’re gone
Don’t call to hint
There’s still hope
For us
If you’re gone
Don’t offer
Casual meetings
For coffee
And play
Catch-up
If you’re gone
In the morning
Please stay
That way
Forever

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Being in love is a wonderful thing, but when that love turns sour, it becomes something you want to change and change away from, but sometimes you can't.. sometimes you stay for no other reason than you don't want to be alone. "A Lesson Learned" I wrote after listening to one too many Linkin Park songs and "Gone" was my way of letting go and completely cutting ties, as much as it hurts sometimes it's better that way. Comments welcome.

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Broken

Time can only tell how things play out
Life is never the same once filled with doubt
When its hard the time ticks slowly
Leaving you feeling oh so lonely
Life gives lemons
Death give grapes
So drink the wine
Let it fill your tastes
Consume your fire
And ravage your lakes
Only then will time negate
The lonely and lost feelings of a broken fate.

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