Unrequited Love

Chained

Chained

By Muriel Palanca

I see you everyday; a dying light but a fire awakened inside.
For a moment, I felt something real and dangerous.
It was beautiful like a rose just before the winter frost. 
And I loved you with every breath,
With every shiver that went through my skin.
My heart was free and open.
For a second, I was not hindered or burdened.
I surrendered to your eyes and I was yours.
I do not know you and yet you are the one.
Never did the universe seem so small and trivial
Because all I saw as you
Maybe we are doomed for all eternity, but you were meant for me.
I fear that I am chained however. 
And so are you.
I pray that you are ugly inside; disfigured and cold like so many statues.
For it would be a greater tragedy if you were my match and my missing piece because
The last thing I need is an alibi, a reason to care so badly it hurts.
The last thing I need is to love you.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

will probably edit later

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smitten

Folder: 
short poems

smitten. intrigued. interested. emotional.

i feared ever feeling this way again

my heart may not handle the next break

i'd rather avoid getting hurt at the end

but, oh, that sweet comfort wrapped in his arms

carressing the nape of his neck with my kiss

it's awsome and peaceful in his embrace

i cant think of anything more amazing than this

it sucks that i'm gun-shy and jaded by love

cuz i pull away when you offer yourself

the passion i crave also scares me to death

as much as i want this, i know i will fail

how do i stop this analitical mind

from complicating such simple instincts

damn our nature to commit to a mate

rush in like fools with no time to think

put my brain on alert just to sheild my heart

or let desire take over and see how it feels

excited. terrified. adventurous. dangerous.

must wait and see if this time it's real

Author's Notes/Comments: 

june 13, 2009

well the only comment i hav is that it wasn't real at all. in fact, it's never been real. only ever one-sided. either i was in love and it wasn't returned or they were in love with me and i wasn't feeling it. lov is complicated. which is why i try not to dabble in it anymore. i have m fellas and occasionally my girls, but i ain't trying to let my heart get involved anymore. it sucks too much and makes to big a mess of my life.

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our cave

Folder: 
short poems

we've been awake for days

spinning here inside our cave

together yet so far away

never wanna leave this place

Author's Notes/Comments: 

about an ex-lover and our days of being high together

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despair



Every morning I despair

As I’m stifled with hot air

But I take it in to spew it out

Put on a brave face show no doubt

It wasn’t meant to be they say

My mind loops sad love songs on replay

I nod I smile I put on a brave face

I adorn my body in lace

High heels the works

Smile on my face skirt to my thigh

I’ve learned to live the lie



Who can I tell?

Of my personal hell

When the only person I trusted

The one for whom I lusted

The light of my life

Is the cause of this strife!



Because he has gone away

Simply refused to stay

Said “it wasn’t you it’s me”

“I need to be free”



Is the grass there really greener?

Without you everyday I grow meaner

I’m heartbroken and no words come to mind

I’ve got tears enough to be blind

But you don’t have to see

Being so far away from me

All that you’ve contaminated

Memories make me infuriated



You’ve moved on why can’t I

Need to believe my own lie

Keep smiling till it becomes true

Keep my mind off of you

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Jaded Love

Mutual feelings, now lost

Our time drawing to a near

The end is here, and you have disappeared

Once again, disappointment settles in

Dreams shattered, hope is lost

As before, you capture the last word

You draw it in, and hold your breath;

Keeping it to yourself.

I tap on this window;

And look in on what could be.

You continue to ignore the figure standing there

So familiar this woman seems to be

No longer do we see eye to eye

We are but strangers, passing at dusk

Finger tips briskly touching

The key to the kite does not ignite

Life goes on, and we forget

The troubled waters we traveled

Erased from our memories,

Lay unwanted lovers.

Times best forgotten;

Disturbances cast away—

And so I lay my head to rest

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written in 2003

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Deception

There was a time when I looked at you;
Seeing clearly through your eyes,
Colors of lavender and blue.
I fell within that bottomless pool;
I struggled and I fought,
As I sank down deeper.
Giving in to suffocation;
An overwhelming asphyxiation.
The air held in my lungs,
Has since gone stale.
I feel my body go limp,
As my mind holds on to fight.
Drifting into this unwelcomed abyss;
I open my eyes and see yours before mine.
Then I see the truth;
They aren’t blue, but a murky green.
Sludge so thick—that it takes prisoner, my legs.
I try escaping,
My arms flail; reaching out,
As my fingers search for an escape.
I gasp;
Letting the murky sludge fill my lungs.
My body descends—lower
And my mind begins to stray.
I flash back to the first “I love you;"
A brief moment in time.
You, holding my face in between your hands;
The look of intensity in your eyes;
The shakiness of your speech.
I remember your fingers;
Entwined with mine.
I fight for that feeling,
As I struggle for air;
Although, there is no use
In fighting for what is no longer present.
No love; no warmth;
No kiss of your lips.
No dance, between the flick of our tongues;
No arms to support me,
When I can no longer stand.
No breath of fresh air;
Those memories have since gone rotten.
You stole my heart; ripped it out of my chest;
I double over in pain, as I attempt to bottle it up
Before it can escape.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written on 10/14/09

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Don't Fall in Love with a Drunk

See my love

Hear my love

Speak my love

My heart was pounding

And expanding from its cage

To meet you there

But instead I was met with

An uncomprehending stare

As you were three sheets to the wind

In a fog I couldn’t fight through

That left me cold and alone

In the sheets with love unrequited

Speak no man

Hear no man

See no man

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The Astronaut

Every word you utter to me is a riddle

Every look you give me is like a piece to a puzzle

But I can try to be anything you want me to be if it means I can have your love in return



You look at me with those eyes- so full of lust for only one thing

You never see the full picture, never look long enough to take in all the intricate details

All you see is all anyone can ever expect from a single glance



Get to know the story behind this body, this body that you always long to touch

But lay a different hand on me-

A soft hand that says you understand me

Instead of that wandering hand which always ends up south



You, to me, are like an astronaut

Stealing some rock from some planet-

Stealing some heart from some girl

If only my heart had the same value to you as a rock to an astronaut

Maybe then I'd be happy



But it doesn't



Imagine that

Your heart, the core of your soul, being less valuable than a piece of stupid stone

Imagine that

Then maybe you would see things from my point of view



So get in your spaceship and fly off into space

Perhaps if you are gone then I can imagine you are just part of some awful fairytale



But whilst you remain here, sharing earth with me

My heart will continue to feel unvalued

Like that stupid rock cracked in two.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This poem illustrates unrequited love

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There's Very Few Evergreens In Life

in a dream, i'm in a room

surrounded by numbered "aww"ing faces

different clocks move and vanish

each at their own pace

a growing seed, dry wall comes down

ev'rything clears to a forest of spruces

seemingly..

stretching as far as my mind



well i focus on certain ones and, like others,

i don't quite know the reasons why

but i - i understand now all the rules that apply

i understand now all the rules that apply



this woodland is gonna light up at christmas time

in the same motion it's gonna be cut down before its prime

time again it's gonna burn in a forest fire

willingly points out that there's very few evergreens in life



you see,

there's billions of people out there

but somehow to each of us there are certain ones



that always stand out



for the last seven years you've stood out in my mind, heather  

so merry christmas, you probably always will



you probably always will



r.e.m., kite in a room

tangled up by branches, pine cones and solstice

i have no control over these thoughts

each struggle for a place

growing trees wanting to be watered

many things cleared to focus on the point

help me see..

stretching as far as my mind



dream mind's focused on certain ones and, unlike others,

i'm certain i know the reasons why

and i - i understand now all the rules that apply

i understand now all the rules that apply



this woodland is gonna light up at christmas time

in the same motion it's gonna be cut down before its prime

time again it's gonna burn in a forest fire

willingly points out that there's very few evergreens in life



you see,

there's billions of people out there

but somehow to each of us there are certain ones



that always stand out



for the last seven years you've stood out in my mind, heather  

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