Unrequited Love

Crimson Wrist

Self harm/Suicide


This lovely bloody wrist

The only tears I have left

You've taken everything from me

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Deticated to Brent. THough I just wanted to say to everyone I havent been cutting lately so YAY!

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Whispering Heart

Whispering Heart

Each whisper of my heart

As its beating all alone

The soft dull echoing

Thudding inside me

Each tear i shed tells a story

Running slowly down my face

So warm like summer rain

They realase my pain

I begged your forgiveness

But you turned me away

Yet i continued to love you

In every single way

My body shudders now

My soul so broken, cold

I lay their in my darkness

Imaging legends of old

Cloak me in darkness

Its my way to hide

I'm not strong enough to swim

Against the rising tide

The seasons are always changing

But my feelings never will

Slowly i loose sanity

Feeling the urge to kill

Although its not a person i want to die

Its the emotions that i have

Wanting to stop the feelings in my heart

Before i break and it tears me apart

I wanted to give you strength

To be happy and free

But i am so weak and pathetic

That their are no offerings from me

Falling from heaven to earth

I'm one of god's rejected angels

I've lost all of my remaining grace

I'm not part of this human race

Ripping my wings apart

I'm screaming Insanity

Warp and crack my mind

Loosing grip now i'm left behind

With all this loss and sadness

I am meant to be crying with despair

But im laughing as much as i can

See my minds twisted in insanity

I just cant let go

of what i held for you

and i guess theirs no way

for me to break through

Where are you now

Is your life any better then mine

Or are you like me

Wondering why you hold to existence

I'll never rise again

I've lost all i ever wanted

And maybe thats the reason

That my minds so haunted

I dont know the anwsers

I'm just here alone

And i'm listening

To my whispering heart

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Secrets Are Like Lies, Only Worse

If you promise to keep a secret

And the secret's never kept

What did you really promise?

She's already gone and wept.

If you tell me that you love me

But it was all a lie

Am I wrong for acting ugly?

When you just made me cry?

I had this secret over you

I promised not to tell

But each and every night

My heart begins to swell

I can't help how I feel

I can help that you don't

I wish that I could tell you

I don't know why I don't

Maybe if I didn't run

You could maybe see

Just how much I care for you

And then you'd come to me

Or maybe I'll sit back and wait

Because I'm not that clever

Wrapped inside my loneliness

And sit in fear forever

© LJ Rodriguez 2006

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Slipped Feelings

I almost let something slip today

About the way I felt

It almost jumped right out my mouth

And changed the cards we’re dealt

I knew she had your beating heart

Right from that first day

And I also knew who wanted it

And the prices she would pay

It seemed so different way back then

From the way I see you now

You’re exactly as imagined

Only slightly different somehow

Do you even know how I feel?

Adoration lives in these eyes

But you turn your head and pass it over

Bit by bit my hope just dies

In all your effort scolding her

You forget to notice me

All my time, help gone wasted

You’ve pushed me to a back seat

Even if you knew how I felt

What would happen then?

Nothing, like always in my life

My stay here has come to end

So I sit silently, watching, waiting

But even if you could see

Nothing would ever come of it

It’s just not meant to be

© LJ Rodriguez 2006

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[Just] Best friends


If I said I loved you;

You could never comprehend

And if I took this hand in mine

I'd only be a friend

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Deticated to my Best friend Andy

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The wooden box is locked.

The key is lost beneath the waves.

Its contents now forgotten,

Its memories forever saved.

Dust entropes the lonesome box

as it loathes each passing day.

Each tomorrow comes and goes,

but there the box must stay.

Years, it seems, fly by; fly by.

Each flight a safe return.

But each new flight, and more I feel

the box that for me yearns.

And I for that where memories live,

thoughts which I once did own.

The box retains its secret,

its denizens unknown.

I struggle to emancipate

the captured past inside.

Strength escapes my efforts;

each endevour is denied.

'Til on the day that fate decreed,

routine as each before,

her never-failing beauty

lightly floated through the door.

The box I carried with me

shook as earth might quake.

The thoughts I'd locked away burst forth

and forced my soul inside to shake.

The secret's out for all to see

to do with as they please.

The box lays broken at my feet

and I am fallen to my knees.

And as she stands there stricken

by my feelings now aflame;

I see inside her eyes

that she could never feel the same.

And so, the box stays broken,

the pieces thrown into the wind;

it still contains one item

an ache that never can rescind.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

2002 Poem that will someday be fit to a song. Don't remember much about when I wrote this, I would often just write out a scene in my head from the perspective of some created character.

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This Is Love

Ths Is Love

by Muriel Palanca

Take it to the limit. Push until you crush your bones and don’t let anything stop you. Reach for the stars. Be fearless, unafraid. Live in the moment. No consequences. Never regret yesterday. Jump even if you see the bottom. When you crash, let it shatter you. Let your tears explode into a scream. Let the pain consume you. It is infinite for a moment and forever.

Then get back up. Rise above your weaknesses and agony. Play the field. Be open, ambitious. Light my fire and all its’ fury. Burn your bridges and swim to the other side. It’s ok to drown. Let it pull you under. Hold your breath. Don’t let anything pass you by. Never let go even if it slips through your fingers. And if it does, run after it until your legs collapse. Let the chase thrill you, drive you.

Put it all on the line. Go out on a limb and keep going forward. Don’t look back. You have nothing to lose. Give up? Give in? Never. But I’ll always give you everything. I’m giving you the best of me, all of me. So go on. Take it. Take my breath away. Kiss me. Slam me against a wall. Show me what it’s like to feel you inside me. Skin on skin. Hard and fast. No apologies. No excuses. If this is a mistake, make it. Take a chance and say it.

I’m bleeding through my honesty but I have a little faith. I’ll lie to you if you want me to, but I want you. I really do. Do I dare say how I really feel? To hesitate, I can’t erase what I so desperately want to tell you. There’s too much at stake but to me you’re always worth it.

So here it goes. I’ll bear my soul just one last time even if it burns my pride. I’m recklessly crazy and I think more with my heart than with my head, but underneath all of that, I’m terrified. I feel so small compared to you because to me you are perfect. Nothing more, nothing less.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

this is for bobby hall...i never got over him. he rejected me monthes ago after valentines day. he never gave a me a chance...i guess i'm going to try one more time...

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A Will to Feed

I'm brimming with words to say,

But the ideas aren't even there

I can easily define the emotions,

Though I couldn't make sense if I dare

This wasn't supposed to happen

I wasn't ready to lose my head

My heart is still intact,

But it's determined to see me dead.

The springtime of lust came in like a lion,

And instead of going out like a lamb,

it's continually building up its momentum,

Ready to fell me like a battering ram.

This heart that was my stronghold

Was not meant to yield to any woman or man;

I merely sought to seek pleasure unfettered

Renouncing romance wherever I can.

And now I see I missed my moment

If indeed it was ever there

And now I realize there's too much in me

That wants so much for someone to care.

I have enough love within me,

An inexhaustible supply,

Now I wonder why I never showed it,

I had the oppportunity; I let it pass--but why?

You were not looking and neither was I,

But now you've found the perfect girl

To meet your every voracious need

And here I hunger all the while

Wishing my will you would feed.

I'd give you everything

But would it be enough?

I am not the girl you've been dreaming of.

You could own me, I'd give body and soul

My heart's already yours to have while it is still whole.

No, I won't let go, it's the last I have,

My intellect has abandoned me,

It is no longer a healing salve.

My spirit is weak and my will has been waylaid

My desire is all that is left,

And it seems only for you it was made.

I've tried so hard to move on,

And considering I have no other choice,

I can't decide where my heart should abide

I lose it a little more every time I hear your voice.

I'm not even sure there's a trace of hope,

It should not matter, but I'm at the end of my rope,

And I want you to catch me if I fall

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A series of loosely related words

It would be so easy to determine my feelings for you

If hate were involved.

I could despise you, disdain you, detest or abhor you.

There would be immeasurable quantities of the highest quality

scorn and wrath, antipathy, resentment, hostility, distaste and disgust,

For perhaps I'd have some reason to be angry,

But I'm not.

How could I be when I crave you, adore you, worship you, mourn you,

When I'm inspired, titillated, fascinated, and so tired

Of loving you like I have never loved before.

It's true that I need you, I want you so much as to taunt you,

To tease you and please you, at the very least, appease you,

Perhaps to provoke you, evoke you, anything baby to fill this void

Where you once existed and now no longer are.

Did you know you're my star?

I'd be lying if I said I didn't want you for my own reasons,

But once my desire has been met,

You'd be the man for all seasons,

And I'd do anything for you.

I can't help but hold high expectations,

After all, I know with whom I'm dealing,

And I no longer have any reservations.

The only words I want to hear are the ones you speak.

There's something about them that makes me grow weak.

And I can't help but wonder what you'd think if you knew

How great is my hunger, and then what you'd do.

Would it mean anything to you, or would I be one among many?

Would it make any difference if I waited one more year on twenty?

My soul cries out for you, as if you were God.

Either my passion is strong or my religious faith is flawed.

Dear one, come to me, and satisfy my desire,

And I'll sate yours till overflowing,

And out of giving will never tire.

Savage beauty unseen, barbaric peace I can't glean,

You fulfill me- this I know-and though want of you empties me,

Back to you again I go.

It's enough just to know that I haven't lost you completely,

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