Gay

Chapter 2 - the fiction of an orphan

Kristen leveled her body out of her open window. Her white skin was filled in with the blue light of the moon. She swayed back and forth on her torso playing with goodbye. She imagined her parents waking up and going into her room. They would find her curtains blowing in the wind and when they looked out their heart would drop into their feet. Their little girls brains would stain their deck.

 

   Maybe it was the silent middle of the night wind that signaled the world was asleep or maybe it was her last thought but Kristen was suddenly covered in goosebumps. She shook them off and held onto the frame of her window. She lifted her body forward and hung upside down.

 

   Kristen had been crying. She felt stuck out side her mind in a world that was crowded with shit and nothings. A vast wasteland of zombie life. Education. Job. Marriage. Baby. Divorce. Dating. Hate. Death. Education. Job. Marriage. Baby. Divorce. Dating. Hate. Death. Education. Job. Marriage. Baby. Divorce. Dating. Hate. Death. The cookie cutter construction line of living in the middle of America. Sure there were the variations but we can just call those the BBQ flavor or limited edition. Nothing special. Life is life.

 

  She was trapped.

  

  Kristen....

 

  This is your life Kristen. Kill high school go to KU on a full ride get your bachelors in pharmacy then go to an Ivy for your masters then Harvard for PHd. Settle down with the college sweetheart, pop out 2 kids Chelsea and Garret, try not to get divorced. Shape kids to be little Kristens. Retire at 65. Die. Die. Die. Die. Every generation.

 

  Kristen hung with her feet straight above her and she swayed more cautiously. Her stomach was in her throat and every sway was slightly spastic to stay balanced. With a jut of extrusion Kristen dropped herself back into her room. Her hands were still on the window sill and she just stood there.

 

  The blinds hung crooked at the top of the window. Kristen grabbed onto the strings and again leaned herself out the open glass. Her arms stretched with the pull of the strings behind her making her body form into a structural swan, arching her back with her arms high behind her she dropped her held back head to her breasts. She looked below her at the glass tables and wood of the deck. She brought up her feet to the sill forming into a crouch and she tilted more out the window. The strings restrained more and tightened. She pulled herself balance with the window again. Always watching the deck. It was a good 10 feet she reasoned. Her being a little more then 5 feet it would be an easy 3ish jump with her arms extended hanging from the frame.

 

  Kristen turned herself around and hopped back into her moonlit room.  She paced her rug a few times pulling her hair from her face in contemplation. She then turned to the crumbled up paper on her floor and stuck it in her pocket. She grabbed the sides of the frames with her hands to stabilize herself as she lifted herself onto the sill. Without a second thought she turned herself to face the room. Looking through a glass window at her happy days of a childhood room of memories. Dropped the weight of her body on her locked arms and dropped that weight on her finger that held her from falling. She let go and let the impact of the fall be small. When her feet hit the floor she hit the ground running.

 

 

That was 5 years ago. Since then Kristens mom died of cancer, and her died is now in hospice.

View thinkofitasthrift's Full Portfolio

Coming Out

  First I will say that although I have clicked on the font menu for this to come out in 2pt, in parenthesis it says "(10pt)",, so however it comes out for anyone, will be a matter of happenstance I suppose.


     Today is supposedly "National Coming Out Day"on an international level. I don't know how "official" that is, but I figured I'd write on it anyway for all those who honor it.


     I am and have always been a heterosexual woman who has totally enjoyed being so. I do not know what it feels like to be confused about sexuality. To me, there was never a question about it until the world started making it such a big deal. I have always known, (even if I couldn't understand), there are people who are sexually attracted to someone with the same genitals as themself. I always liked "different" and still do...more with every year I age. I have acquaintances, family, and friends who are gay and bisexual, and have a huge amount of respect for their struggles, (same as I do for ethnic minorities and other of the downtrodden and disrespected of society).

       So, yes, here it comes, brace yourself--the big ''however".


.....However, just as gays and bisexuals, (s&m lovers, those who favor beastiality...whatever), want to be respected for their sexual preferences, and I will speak for myself at this point and say that heterosexuals would like the same. Those gays and bisexuals I associate with DO respect my sexuality, and we share fullfilling friendships. I cannot say the same for most I have met. I do not know if they understand that just as they want to be accepted in society, getting that respect doesn't come by making assumptions and attempting to act out fantasies with those whom they are fully aware are not attracted to them in a sexual way. 


     We are sexual beings. This Is true. It slithers it's way out sometimes in places where we do not intend for it to, but just because we may think someone is sexually attracted to us, doesn't mean they are. Please don't take that out of context. It is a good thing to practice no matter what your sexual preferences are. I know both men and women who have been approached in a disrespectful manner and felt defiled, violated, and extremely disrespected. 


...so please be considerate and make your community proud. Don't be a disgrace to it.


Peace. And happy happy "International Coming Out Day"





.......

View nightlight1220's Full Portfolio

A Suicide Letter: I'm Sorry, I Love You

I want you to know that I never meant to hurt you. I know it may seem that way now, but none of this is about you and none of this is your fault. It’s my fault. I can’t face what I feel—what I am. It’s not that I don’t love you, because believe me I do. I’m just not brave like you. You were always better than me. Everyone was always better than me. Maybe, I didn’t love you enough. Enough to come clean to my parents about us. But I’m begging you to understand that I wanted to, God, I wanted to but I just couldn’t. I tried and I tried because I wanted to be better for you and I wanted to be what you needed me too but I just kept imagining their faces. Every night when I try to fall asleep, I see what their faces would look like if I told them. Their eyes, full of hatred, haunt me and their words and their accusations slice through me. Failure, good-for-nothing, fag.

 

You’d probably tell me that I should stop worrying about things that haven’t happened yet and that their words aren’t real. But you always see the best in people. It’s one of the reasons I love you. But you can never understand that though their words might not be real to you, they are as real to me as the bullet in my hand. But nothing could hurt as much as those words, not even death. Tell my mom that I’m sorry and tell my dad that I wish I could have been the son he always wanted, the son he deserved.

 

I guess now everyone will know about us. But no matter what they say to you, just know that you are not to blame.

 

I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.

I love you.

 

 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

School assignment.

Is it bad that....

Is it bad that

I'm starting not to care?

About people and how

they'll stop and stare?

Or is it normal?

That I feel this way?

That seeing this one person

brightens up my day?

People say its wrong,

that I shouldn't even try?

But they don't understand

and can't give me a reason why...

It's so wrong to be with this person

because they can cause trouble?

But what if its beyond my control?
And I burst their little bubble?

Why can't they be on my side,

or just be happy for me,

Is it bad that I love them?

Just because they're a She?

Author's Notes/Comments: 

It's about a girl who is confused about a lot lately. And the person they love's true identity is revealed at the end

I Found God

Folder: 
2011

I found God in myself 

And I loved him fiercely  

I found God in my mother

And I loved him warmly

I found God in my family

And I loved him devoutly

I found God in my prayers

And I loved him reverently

I found God in nature 

And I loved him knowingly 

I found God in my melancholy world 

And I loved him; I loved him so much it reduced me to tears 

I found God in every colored girl, gay man, and convict in this world

And I embraced him fiercely.

Same Love

Ever since I was small,

my parents say I was the world.

They couldn't wait for me to grow up,

and marry some special girl.

But lately this have gotten weird,

and I don't know what to do.

How do you tell your parents

That the one you love is the same sex as you?

I dated girls all my life,

kissed them and touched them just the same,

but I felt I was playing a character,

or a board piece in a game.

I'd found a girl I thought I loved,

and tried to change the way I felt.

But everytime he would walk by

my frozen heart would melt.

So we moved around in secret,

trying to hide the way we are

We moved from stolen kisses in the dark,

to holding hands beneath the stars.

Until one day she caught us.

We both froze mid-embrace.

I couldn't bear to look her way

and see all the hurt in her face.

She stamped away without a word,

I thought It was over and done.

But then I got a call from home,

telling me to come home Mr. daughter/son.

I admit that hurt a little bit,

why couldn't they understand.

That I was the same kid I always was,

I was just in love with a man.

My father was angry and indignant,

he said that I was a disgust.

That if i continued to act this way,

My moving out was a must.

My mother was much worse,

all she did was stare and cry.

She said she wished I would

have just kept up with the lie

She asked me why would I do this,

weren't girls good enough?

I said it didn't matter man or woman

it was the same love.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hlVBg7_08n0

I listened to that song by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis and it made me feel "some type of way" so I wrote this because it was inspiring.

 

From birth we're taught that Girls love boys and vice versa, and society made us believe it was "wrong" to feel any other way. So I wrote this about a boy who starts to realize that he is gay and the reactions of those around him. NOT MY BEST BUT I LOVE IT :)

View dazedbylife's Full Portfolio

Twice is enough to tempt me

Folder: 
Now

 

Lie and try to love the empty, every way I can.
Deep desires pushing me, like self fulfilling prophecy.
I hold on to these moments and watch them turn to dust
fleeting favor then it dies as we both know it must.
No favors for my friends no favors for myself
life is a casino, my own love is my wealth
first red, then black, a queen and jack looking for a sign.
eyes are rolled I need a 6 and somehow I get 9, every single time..
on Monday wake up after 10, but time is lost on ole big Ben
mothers warning rings out in my head "Rest, succeed, know retreat but guys like this need friends.
 You'll know burns and no returns if you get what you think you need again"
sand will make you gold that glitters doesn't matter what they pay. Trust the words I could never say and in the god I'll never pray to cause motives are friendly, emotion's not my friend. Shaking the habitual and bad behavior trends.
I still carry your lantern, cause I thought that I knew you best, and til you tell me just once more to put it down I'm gona hold it to my chest.

If you just keep holding me, tomorrow I'll go quietly
If you just poke holes in me, I promise that I'll never bleed.
Body contact is enough to tempt me, when you find one that fits I'll be twice as empty
Until you find a fit I get what I need but I'll be twice as empty when you succeed.

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This poem was inspired by my always being attracted to "straight" guys and the situations I end up in as a result. Would really like some feedback on this as it means a-lot to me.

Asynchronus

Folder: 
2013

Even the Seraphim did not hearken to your call.

But I did. I knew from the moment you came in with those beautiful saphires of eyes.

I knew, that you had a cryptic heart. A heart gaurded by the most fiendish of men.

With your soccer ball rush and declension of nouns. Oh, i knew.

I saw right through the facade you called "lust". Or perhaps it was a bloodlust?

Nevertheless I had seen you in the dark, swaying left and right.

With her freckles and all. Asynchronus hearts. 

In your white button down shirt, stained with the blood of Saint Sebastian.

View hgsrthjdrtjrea's Full Portfolio

Untitled

Folder: 
Haikus

Gay is three letters
But from the way people talk
You'd think it was four

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Maybe I'm just lucky.

View ohhai's Full Portfolio
tags: