Yesterday I heard on the news a story quite bizarre 

It seems a girl was shot in the head and her boyfriend put her in the car


Only he didn’t drive to the hospital, perhaps he was under too much strain

No, he ended up at a fast food restaurant...yep, in the Checkers drive thru lane


It was there he called the hospital and the story found it’s resolution

But it occurred to me perhaps by accident he hit on a health care plan solution.


What if all our hospitals from California to Vermont

Were not isolated buildings but connected to fast food restaurants?


Is there anyone who hasn’t lingered in a hospital emergency room?

Wouldn’t the wait go better with some fast food to consume?


Just think of the incentives...Our hospital offers you a deal

If you visit us for any get a Happy Meal.


She’s having trouble breathing, there’s something leaking from her eyes

And while we’re waiting how about a double burger and an order of large fries.


I’ve been shot, I’m bleeding, and my chest and shoulder ache

But I could sure could go for a McFlurry and a double chocolate shake.


Ever since I woke up all I do is cough and sneeze

Am I still in time to order two breakfast biscuits one with chicken, one with cheese?


I need some Botox added to my lips and some fat drained from my thighs.

Yes I’ll have a number 6 and can you make that super size!


You don’t have to worry about paying us now, just come on in and get your fill

We’ll add the price of your treatment to the total on your bill.


When we order that big bacon cheeseburger with fries on our birthday

Wouldn’t it be nice to know, after we eat it, we’ll have a place to stay.


Because, if you think about it so many people in this country eat fast food every day

That sooner or later they’re going to end up in the hospital anyway.


With our arteries being clogged up from these fast food dinners and snacks

It’s pretty apparent most of us will die from a stroke or heart attack.


3500 people die in hospitals each day- and the way we eat that numbers bound to grow


But if your hospital carried fast food...what a wonderful way to go!

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Diamond_Wills_New_War's picture

Not to be vulgar. This is

Not to be vulgar. This is fucking brilliant. In so many ways it shows just how fucked up Americans are and can be. Really send this to Time Magazine or some place that loves to be all political. Again awesome write.

Long days and pleasant nights