Pain/Sorrow

Haunting Childhood

I tried not to lose myself

To the monster that lurked within

But the battles just begun

And all that's left of me is sin

All the silent tears I've cried

Have just aided in my pain

I fear the worst has yet to come

And for that I am ashamed

I fear my life is over

For the monster's been set free

What was left of me has been taken

The darkness has consumed th best of me

My troubled past I've pushed aside

In attempt to keep contained

But I've lost all hope for I am the ghost

Of a tormented child filled with blame

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This poem was written 10/08/10. I have a lot of past memories from my childhood that have recently surfaced in the last couple years, and I felt the urge to write this poem in a way to kind of acknowledge what I'm currently going through.

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jupiter and I

Folder: 
heart broken

The fifth from the sun,

The weirdest one of them all

Nothing but gases so very combustible,

A very dark hole that sinks inside

Its rings disappearing

Not a clue why

One minute is orange then a gray,

The dark spot never seems to change.

It grows bigger and darker things,

Fading away

Nevertheless, no one knows why what he or she says is

Where’s the answer,

No one knows.

All we can do is watch it grow,

Combustible gases is all there seems to be

So how do we learn from it?

If no one can breathe

From what we know,

You think it suffers pain,

 

I am the fifth from the sun,

 Also the weirdest of them all

Hurt and pain

 Sad and lonely are my gases

Being combustible from what is in me.

A dark hole where my heart once belong,

Seems to be growing within

Bigger it gets and things fade away.

I ask why no one knows,

So all we do is watch it grow.

I cannot breathe from combustible gases

Do I learn from it?

If I cannot, breathe,

This knowledge of what I was tot,

Seems to say that no matter

A planet or man

We must all suffer from pain

The same

  

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Desperate to break out of hell

Folder: 
2010

hearing voices calling me names

in so much unbelievable pain

why won't they leave me alone

why am I all on my own



can someone save me from myslef

can someone pull me out of this hell

I am trapped within these chains

hoping I don't go insane



feeling monsters touch me again

wishing for this torture to end

why can't they go away

will I make it through today



can someone save me from myslef

can someone pull me out of this hell

I am trapped within these chains

hoping I don't go insane



desperate for comfort that I need

watching from the outside as I bleed

I can't concentrate, my thoughts are mixed up

I taste the pain as it fills my cup



can someone save me from myslef

can someone pull me out of this hell

I am trapped within these chains

hoping I don't go insane






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WRONG LIFE FOR A LADY

SHE WAS LOOKING FOR LOVE

AND FOUND A MAN TO SOON

SO SHE WAS LIVING FOR LUST

THE MAN TALK WAS TOO SMOOTH

EVERYTHING HE SAID WAS A LIE

SHE SCARED TO FACE THE TRUTH

AND SCARED TO FACE THAT MAN

ONLY BECAUSE OF HIS RIGHT HAND

SHE KNEW ABOUT THE OTHER GIRLS

AND SHE KNEW ABOUT HIS BABIES

SHE KNEW HE BEAT ON LADIES

AND SHE KNEW THAT MAN WAS CRAZY

HE HAD HER SPRUNG ON DOPE

SO SHE WAS HAVING SEX WITH EVERYBODY

BEING USED AND ABUSED

SHE NO LONGER HAD A JOB

SO SHE STARTED SELLING HER BODY

TWO MONTHS LATER SHE WAS SHOCKED

TURNED OUT SHE WAS GOING TO BE A MOMMY

SHE WANTED TO END HER LIFE

KNOWING THE BABY WAS GOING TO BE A BASTARD

SHE HAD A SERIOUS SITUATION

ITS EITHER GET AN ABORTION

AND GO BACK TO THAT MAN

OR KEEP THE BABY

AND LEAVE THAT LIFE STYLE

SHE KEPT THE BABY

AND RETURNED TO THAT MAN

FOUR YEARS LATER SHE PASS AWAY

LEFT BEHIND A BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER

THAT NOW LIVE THAT LIFE

BECAUSE THAT MAN WAS HER FATHER


Author's Notes/Comments: 

I WROTE THIS BOUT 10 MINUTES AGO BECAUSE THIS IS REAL IT COULD HAPPEN TO ANY LADY THATS QUICK TO BE WITH A MAN BUT KNOW NOTHIN BOUT HIM.

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Love: A Four Letter Lie

Love, a four letter lie.

Just a word boys will use to make a girl cry.



break her again, just to watch her fall.

they will say whatever to get it all.



How many times can a heart be fixed,

he left her emotions completely mixed.



He shakes it off like nothing happened,

but there she sits, her happiness poisoned.



She would give anything for one to care,

but this is her life, far from fair.



She can't be saved, and her heart will always be broke.

but to him, it's some sort of sick joke.



His memory will soon forget her,

but it will leave her forever bitter.



They can't seem to understand what the damage has done,

leaving so many girls totally fallen.



Make her hurt, go ahead and leave,

you stole her heart, what a great way to deceive.



Love, a four letter lie.

Just a word boys will use to make a girl cry.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I'm so sick of being hurt all the time.

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Such Agony Exists

Folder: 
Pain/Ilness



People find it hard to believe,

the amount of pain I feel.

They can't possibly fathom,

that such agony, could be real.



I pray they never have to know,

this kind of pain, first-hand...

...but I also pray, that someday,

they would at least, understand.

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Total Pain...

Folder: 
heartache

I had a love I wanted to share

Looking back... noone cared

Love is for the weak, and the clinically insane

Noone cared when my mind, body, spirit, and heart were in pain

They just said real men don't cry

You have no idea how hard I tried

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TAKE AWAY THE PAIN

There’s so much that this life can bring. We endure hurt, joy, endless pain, and all kinds of things. We try so hard to be strong and survive. We keep those hard times in our memories and locked away inside. But what happens when we’re hit with a blow to the heart. Feeling a pain that tears us apart. It takes our breath away and it doesn’t seem real. At that moment no one in the world knows how you feel. You think you know, but you don’t have a clue. You don’t know what I’ve been through. The one thing that I want isn’t money or fame. My only wish is that someone could take away the pain. Take away this hole that’s just been burned inside of me.  These holes in my lungs that’s making it hard for me to breathe. Take way my delusional mind and fill my empty soul. Someone please help me try to get under control. It’s so hard to except this reality and what’s happened in the past couple of years. You don’t know how hard it is for me to show my tears. And although I may appear to be put together how a female is suppose to be. Inside I’m still waiting for someone to take this pain away from me. This pain that feels like it’s been forever. Loosing the ones I loved. The ones that made my life better. Take away this pain. Keep me from going insane. Just hold my hands and tell me everything will be all right. Tell me something that will comfort me at night. Theoretically therapist will tell me things that are all the same. I don’t need someone to look at me weirdly. Just someone to take away the pain.

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I don't care

Folder: 
Female Perspective

I don't care what you think

I don't care what you want 

If you think I'm so wrong, than why are you with me?

I don't care how Small it is

I don't care I could easily do it

If it's such a small issue, than deal with it yourself

You want to have an issue with anything I do?

Too bad, get over it, you're not my dad

You're just my partner, so deal with it

When you said you loved me, it was all of me.

When you said you wanted me forever, you can't pick and choose

Either you accept me for who I am, or you keep it moving

Some might think I'm being selfish and mean

Because you try so hard while I try so little

Well that your choice, not mines, and I don't care.

I like that you care and make me feel special

I love it that you are there for me whenever

But don't you dare expect the same in return.

If you want to be you, than that's who YOU are, not me

I'm going to be myself, whether you like it or not

And in the end, if you leave, I won't care.

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