All that which I Envy

closet boxes 2009

To light as a glow worm

or fly as a bird

to brighten lives

while nobodies prisoner-

all I can hope for

and all you take from me.

To stand on a mountain

or sail open seas

a part of all

and nothing at once-

all I could dream of

that which I'll never know.

To love unencumbered

or to hate just the same

to be of my own mind

void the toxins of others-

all that which I envy

but will never gain.

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The Sufferer

The pain was agonizing-

But she endured;

They more she suffered,

The more they thrust.

She knew that her inner strength,

Would heal it all,

She had learnt this long ago,

So she suffered.

Without a shield, without a word,

Without a tear,

The pain was excruciating.

The world stabbed her-

With yet more pain-

But she just looked at them,

And smiled…

Shilpa Ahuja

13 Jan, 2009

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So hard to breathe


why am I so sad

why does it hurt so bad

why am I so stressed

why am I depressed

why am I dying inside of me

why does it have to be so hard to breathe?

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Feeling hollow in the night

I saw my pale reflection on the glass;

as I sat behind the closed window.

The sadness was reflected in my brown eyes.

The moon may have been full and bright,

But this night felt dark and cold to me.

I couldn’t feel a thing; I was hollow.

She disappeared in the night

And I could feel the sadness she left behind.

Reality overwhelmed me;

The walls came crumbling down.

That very second I broke down,

For there was nothing left for me!

Sobbing like a lonely child;

My silent weeping broke the silence.

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Dark new day

At dawn I feared to open my eyes;

Hoping that last night had only been a dream,

That the pain I felt would leave I rose,

That every single teardrop had never fallen.

As I slowly opened my eyes,

I knew my wish hadn’t been granted.

There was no dream;

Only my own bitter reality!

I slowly wandered through the house;

Mourning every broken dream.

Letting my tears fall as I made my way from room to room.

Can I ever look at this house the same again?

A dream, it had not been.

My eyes are width open.

Sadly, I recall everything now.

Trying to make my thoughts wander.

My head is hurting and I long to rest.

I’m still in disbelieve and try to forget.

If only I could block out my minds' chaos;

The emptiness won’t let me!

The darkness of last night may have faded,

But the darkness of this day has only begun.

It's a dark new day in the story of my life.

One I don't want to relive again.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

The poem has nothing to do with the band. I've never even heard their music.

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What they left behind

Silent weeping caused me red eyes

Tearstains are evaporating on the bedroom floor

My heart pounding faster than war drums

My ears still ring from the sudden silence

The intense conversations haunt me still

Every room reminds me of a tragic scene

I tremble as I touch the walls

The house feels empty now

All the love has died and bled out

The room is filled with sorrow

The eerie sound of a person in fear

Is still lingering in the hallway

I sigh and try to move on

My mind won’t let me forget

All is quite, but now I feel it all

The sadness has been left behind as they parted

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Disturbance in the night

All is silent on this moon-lit night;

Though in my mind the chaos lives on.

The words that flew across the air,

Seem to rise again inside of me.

Sounds of anger and the cries of fear,

I’ll forever be haunted by them!

The calling of my name in the silent night,

Can still be heard in the echoes of the halls.

There’s been a disturbance in the night,

The vivid recollections live on within me.

My hearts pounds faster as I reminisce the fear,

Tears are falling as I overflow my thoughts.

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Pain - A Diamante


Savage, Feral
Skulking, Thieving, Consuming
Anguish, Torment, Misery, Agony
Easing, Breaking, Lifting
Promise, Faith

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One day left

Pain and sorrow fill my heart

it has been so long  and yet still the same.

I feel you around me all the time,

Are you here to protect me?

What am I doing with my life,

I ask myself as a kneel at your grave and cry.

Am I showing those I love

how much they mean to me?

Am I doing the right things in life?

If I had one more day to live

what would I do with that day.

Would I use it wisely?

As I kneel at your grave and cry

I pray that god will come to my aid,

and help me know what to do...

Author's Notes/Comments: 

It has been a year and a half since I lost my uncle. How is it that I am still in this much pain?  I dont understand it anymore. I am not who i used to be i have changed and i dont know what to do:(

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