Life Vaccine

The moon is waning and so am I
Strings of my heart pulling like the tide
Sallow skin taut against my unsteady pulse,
sheltering me from the chill of the world.
Someone is calling, but all I hear is the
pump pump p pump beating against my veins,
Blood rushing to my fingers, to my toes,
anywhere to escape my heart.
My life is rattling against my bones,
a hollow wail to be freed..
The air is making me nauseaous,
I open my eyes to my name
The man in white asks me if I am alright
as he sets the needle on the countertop, but
The lights are too bright
The noises are too loud
The world is in motion but my heart is still.
Silence envelops my soul
Murder, they'll cry. A crime.
Poisoned, what a death to face.
What agony, they'll weep.
So young, so innocent..
Never to know the reasons why.
They did not see me, only a ghost.
Just another lost soul.
But you, saw straight through
A needle straight through my heart
Once inside, never to leave.
You're a disease, the way you stay.
Poison pulsing through my veins
Killing every piece of me.
This bed is a coffin,
This room is a grave
My heart is long since buried,
my mind slowly will decompose
You'll laugh, you'll laugh
The last I will hear.
Never to know, never to know
Are you the cure or the disease?

Author's Notes/Comments: 

It doesn't really flow from beginning to end, but I didn't feel like trying to make it =P

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The rain is falling,

Like my tears.

My heart is bleeding,

But no one cares.

Please come save me,

I don't want to cry.

It's much too painful,

I'd rather die.

Just take my life now,

I don't want to live.

The hurts too deep now,

I have nothing more to give.

Just make it stop now,

The pains too strong.

Please release me,

I can't go on.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Recently found a few poems I wrote back between '05 and '07, this is one of them.

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The voices in my head

Are screaming louder than before

Every morning that I wake

I want to end it even more

These pills no longer work

They no longer make me numb

I can't escape myself

I want this nightmare to be done

The voices make me paranoid

And they keep me up at night

I'm afraid I'm gonna break

I no longer want to fight

I just want it to be over

It's not worth all the pain

It's time to leave it all

Before I become completely insane

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Recently found a few poems I wrote back between '05 and '07, this is one of them.

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Untitled -- 2.22.2010

wonting to hold you

wonting you to hold me

even though were only

a few blocks away

it seams like 1000 miles

wonting to just break down

and cry and scream

i look at my self

and think to myself

look whut youve become

youve been through so much

so why not slow down

and just chill

relax youll be alright

everything will workout

even thoug i fill like screaming

and pulling my hair out of my head

beging god pleas take the pain

out of my hart

not knowing whut i would do

without him in my life

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In the Zone

I'm not a part of it all anymore,

the joy, laughter and happiness.

Gone is the confession,

reality has slipped beyond my grasp

but I should've known it wouldn't last.

I feel disillusioned and all I see are lemon trees.

I'm driving around and I'm driving too fast

and still I'm thinking that I knew it wouldn't last.

All I can see are the little things I failed at.

It's like their eyes follow me and it's like they can see,

my mistakes and all the things I wish I had done but I didn't.

It feels like I'm falling, falling all the way down.

It shouldn't have been this way,

but I hate you so much right now.

Maybe it's the pain that's eating me inside out

but what do I know what this is all about?

You took me by the heart and you took me by the hand,

so how am I supposed to understand?

I am not a part of your life anymore

no, it's all over now.

My confession is gone

and so are you

but I'm still striving for a 'something better'

and maybe that's why I'm writing this letter.

One day perhaps, when you read it,

please take me by the heart and take me by the hand.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

it's about a relationship that ended but you still love the person and want them back.

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Moonlight and Razors

The night spirals down

       A twisted sudden stair

While your scent still

       Clings to the moonlight

You turn and disappear

My heart left grasping

        To hope in isolation

Tattered bits of love

         Skulk in desperation

As dreams burn to ash

And I, quietly shrouded

         In the scars of despair

Tortured by emptiness

         Stand alone twitching

From razors in my heart

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Safety Pin

Pull me half dead and lost

From the trenches of my soul

Gray smoke drifts in silence

Black mud clings to my tears

Gaze at me, don’t pause to see

The battle scars that cloak the wounds

Burns and cuts, scratches won’t tell

Of the story behind weary lies

I stay where, I blend with a dark

Melted into the truth of unaware

Disillusioned hordes pass by blind

Ignorant of the flesh to the anguish

Here is where echoes are dreamt away

Don’t distress should I lose a day or two

My creations only need some time alone

To be hushed, tamed and made to obey

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My Heroin

Your taking over

Flooding my mind

Pleasure sets in

The feeling divine

Loss of control

Under you spell

Will I come down from this high,

Or can only time tell?

Love the way you make me feel

Is it all in my mind

Or is this for real

Riddle me this

Cuz I must know

What would happen

If I let you go?

Then you left me

All Alone.

How could you do this to me?

I don’t understand

And probably never will.

I just want the answers

That you refuse to provide

Heartbroken and alone

I feel empty inside

Then I swore

To never love again.

Detoxing now

Shaking and Cold

“Your Addicted” so I was told

One dose of you

And I meant my end...

Just like a over-dose of Heroin.

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Sick Game

I'm bruised

I'm beaten

I want you,

You don't want me.

Thats okay cause I guess that's the way it's gotta be.

I loved you so much,

I leaned on you like a crutch.

But I was stupid, for you let me fall

I slipped to the ground and here I crawl.

You refuse to pick me up,

Like it's some sort of sick game.

I HATE what I have became.

My life besides you is also falling,

I guess everyone ignores my calling.

If I was dead I think it'd be better,

for all these feelings would stop altogether.

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