broken heart

Everyday Thoughts

Sitting in class
With memories of you
My face turns red
And My eyes tear too
Can you believe you make me feel this way?
I bet you dont even care
I feel like this everyday
Why do you make me feel like life is never fair?
I put my heart into you
What is left for me to do?
Nothing is left
When you said we wont be together again
You ment it, I guess.
Im just hurt but Ill learn to let go
Maybe one day the tears wont show
Maybe memories will fade
we wont spend anytime together not a moment of any day.

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Slippery Señorita

Folder: 
2010-2012 Poems

Breaking dawn, killing time.
Stepped at the happy dance floor.
Blues and hues, screaming crowd,
Lost in a smokey universe.

Nameless walls, faceless smiles.
A shot or two of yellowish crime.
A toast for us--to happiness! to life!
Prelude with salt, conclude with lime.

Slip and slide, bounce and jive.
Absorb the beat to feel alive.
Let the wounds heal, the world disappear--
You're with your angels, you're safe here.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

-(c)jerlin 03Oct11 -and so we dance...

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My insane love

You drive me insane.
All the games you play,
You love but wont date,
This is why i hate.
Insanity sinks in,
Why dont you let me in?
I love you i think,
But you make my heart sink.
My heart bleeds,
My pain of needs.
Sink your teeth,
in to me.
Im nothing any way,
the black hole of me.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

my current bf caused this

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Bleeding Heart

My healing scars still bleed a bit
With every heartbeat
Another drip
A lesser drop
A smaller stain
Slowly lessening my pain
Everyday sees healing
A little more
Another day closer
To shutting the door
To the memory
Of your touch, your scent
Everyday a smaller drip
Until the day I bleed no more
And on that day
I'll shut that door
I'll lock that lock
And lose the key
To be pained no more
By your memory

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Emo Overload

Would it matter?
Will it change anything?
I wish I have been smarter
My useless pondering

I never should have tried
But dreaming was not enough
Now I must suffer and hide
Fate being too tough

The world would continue spinning
Like an apathetic fool
While I’ll be here thinking
I’m a worthless tool

Diagnosis of a failed attempt
Horizon’s hazy at best
Synopsis of discontent
A tragic ending to a crucial test

Author's Notes/Comments: 

...

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Tortured Love

You say you'll change
But you never will
You hold my heart in torture
And I love you still

You beat and broke me
Forever I am yours
But you'll never hold me
I'll not open the doors

I'll always love your good side
But that does not mean you'll get in
That good side is fake
It will never win

You are just a fake
An illusion in my heart
Even all the promises
Can not make us unpart

I try to release you from my heart
But it will never work
I love that good side but
I'll keep in my hearts cork

You will never seep in again
My heart will have you
But never all of you
Having you is something I can't do

That good side of you that I hold so dear
Is forever gone and dead
Even though you're just the shell
I can't get you out of my head

You haunt me day and night
I dream of your torture
And it makes me wake in fright
But that good side I still adore

In the night you trick me
You coax me to yours arms
Then you slash my face
It's like you set off my alarms

I want to beleive you are true
But it's something unreal
My love has died
and his shell makes my heart still reel

The torture that you've done to me
Is something no one should feel
The rapes and beatings
The still feel so real

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This is about my soon to be exhusband

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Who is this One?

Folder: 
Frustration

Who do we complain?
Ripped apart
Who do we seek justice?
Awfully wronged
Who do we want to disclose?
A broken heart
Surely not to a Frightful
Who plant terror in every sphere!
In our dutiful lives
Man is man’s best friend
Then who is the terrorist lurking
In odd corners or smug under cover
Waiting to pounce on us
Our understanding nonplussed!

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Our understanding nonplussed!

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Dont Look Behind

Folder: 
Love

7/3/11

The sun fades and wont be bright again

It doesn't catch my eyes and find me gazing into the distance

The silence, the darkness hangs close and cant be shaken

I wont ever wonder if your smile was for me

it never was

Pushing forward desperately

The past a grave, buried long ago

Broken hearts continue mourning

Author's Notes/Comments: 

dedicated to the soul mate whose promises quivered and fell away in light of reality.

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Birth of Light

Folder: 
Dolour

The light pierces the thick midnight
Everything is all right
Back is tight from the tension
Of not understanding
The end of this dark road
It tickles at the mind
Rather makes me scream at the horror

The lead is out of me, the dead weight of you
Is gone as the fire dies
I am lost, a ghost within my own world

From the shiny future I have made
It blinds me
Bends all my reasons to the correct morals
All my fight has been staled

All ties to you have been cut
Making my gut sour free
The acid of all the sins
Melt the pins from the heart
Freeing me from the chains
Breaking the gin bottles
To make a pretty smile
Out of the shards

There are no more kisses
From poisonous lips
I don't dance on ragged blades
I run in the blue
Too bad you cannot see
Me this straight

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