Where are you?
By jfarrell
Jim….. Jim….. JIM!!!!
Where are you?
“sorry, was racing my dinosaur through the Martian forest;
Trying to evade the two assassins, after my bounty…..)
Oops! Sorry, was polishing spoons….
Bing! (eyes widen and sparkle)
Big shiny SHINY smile…
With all the noises of a grand-grand-grandfather clock going off…
I raise my head….
SNAP….
And it drops to my chest..
My fontanel slides open,
A million ants emerge and erect a scaffold around my shoulders
And a giant, bright pink crane
Raises my head fully
“yes, sir. What were you saying?”
I mumble, as I stupidly hand you some spoons to polish.
Jim, where are you?
“I’m at work, handing you spoons, aren’t I?”
No! You’re in the laundrette, in your underwear again…. dancing…
I really gotta get more sleep… don’t know what day it is…
Nevermind where I am.
He thrashes around in his sleep now
Punching the wet pillow
Choking the cold blankets
Kicking the empty air
Yelling at only himself
Sometimes he shouts your name
With eyes shut
And ears deaf
However tears still flee
And his hands stick to his ears
Sometimes he holds his breath
He sleeps longer when he does
Fighting his urges to breathe
Waiting for something
Whether it be your arrival
Or his demise
Sometimes he clenches his wrist
Holding on tighter and tighter
Where the healed scars lay
Until they go back to normal
Until they go back to bloody
He remains unaware of the stinging pain
Until his dirty nails tap his vein
Sometimes he wakes
In the middle of the night
Yelling how his shoulder burns
Dying for it to stop
But to the touch its cold as ice
With a hint of dust
And it’s not both shoulders
Just the one you chose
To lie your sweaty hand upon
As you poisoned his dreams
i wake up and think about the sleepers coinage and know that i have to get some more to “live” in their world.. what can i say, i like toys..
and so i reach into the closet for their prison uniform.. the noose goes on so smooth and i look in the mirror…. damn prison never looked so sexy.. sharp angles and flows of febric said as a sign to others that i was a predator among the sleepers.. a shark.. a suit..
and i stepped out into the sun.. thinking about this time away from their world.. dipping in it from time to time searching for you.. i thought of my hands that still remembered well the noose that is the sign of a world which keeps us apart..
but i do it for you.. i master their world and rise above it.. their sleepers coinage helps me buy the time and means to search for you.. to find you.. to reach you.. so i wear instead a suit of armor.. protecting my lovers heart from their jealous eyes… and wading through their words and doubts and plans and limits as i search for you.. to fly away beyond their grasp hand in hand..
but the pain of putting back on that armor.. (heavy and stiff compared to a layer of your smooth skin across mine..) without your touch was almost too much to bear.. so i am sorry for my absence..
just thought id let you know that feelings are always there coming from me to you without even a word.. for we have met and in the flow of life and thought that criss crosses this world we will meet again somewhere and so i wish you well thoughts on that journey..
My love, if you can hear me
please listen...
I've been whisked away
by a pain too strong to manage
Hardly am I able to pick up a pen
or type a line...
These arms, these hands
are damaged again
I may be gone, but I'm still with you
Please don't be sad...
I still live within your heart
and I still feel your heartbeat within my own
Please understand...
You didn't do anything wrong
My absence shouldn't be too long
I miss you...
What's the point?
Of the lights,
Of the sounds,
Of this very night?
When you are out of my sight.
What's the point?
Of sitting here,
Of waiting,
Of trying to pretend I'm happy?
When you're not here beside me.
What's the use?
Of this freedom,
Of this holiday
Of this escapade?
When everything, except my reality-
You invade.
All I am saying is that
All these are good -
But meaningless
Without you.
So what's the point?
What's the use?
Save me.
Get here already.
There he would sing,
celebrating,
lost in awe-inspired
knowing of
truth.
He thought not demise
awaited man
at end of their reign;
concluding their
days.
No hand to lay beating,
frightening, firm
in its owning
of all of us;
all we own.
None stood upon pillar
against sun,
eclipsing all else
smaller.
Nothing else far
from no where.
Quiet.
Calm.