Breaking News!!!! By jfarrell We interrupt your viewing with breaking news…. JellyBabies have risen up and rebelled against us. Sweet shops, up and down the country have been destroyed As JellyBabies, by the packet, spring into life And start their camp

Breaking News!!!!

By jfarrell


We interrupt your viewing with breaking news….


JellyBabies have risen up and rebelled against us.

Sweet shops, up and down the country have been destroyed

As JellyBabies, by the packet, spring into life

And start their campaign of terror across Britain….


The world’s most prolific serial killer, Black Widow,

Was sentenced to an eye-watering 500 years in jail;

She waggled her backside at the judge and gave him the finger;

All eight of them….


A startling astral event is underway, right now

In the skies above us.

All the recognised constellations have moved

And resolved themselves into Stephen Hawkings.


As he soars through the heavens,

You can hear him singing,

In his famous metallic voice

“Always look on the bright side of life.”


From the Big Bang to Black Holes,

From the farthest reaches of space to Quantum Physics

One of humankind’s brightest stars has passed on

And the stars have come out to pay tribute.


Rest in peace Stephen Hawkings



Author's Notes/Comments: 

hmmmm, not quite how i imagined my tribute to the great man would start

Joyride to madness

Joyride to madness

By jfarrell


You’re tired, you know you wanna go to bed;

Do you really wanna open another can now?

Yep!!!! don’t mind if I do.



I was fading, almost gone,

But, like Popeye, I crush that can, glug, glug, glug;

See that shirt rip…. see them biceps grow.



Hang about…. it’s about now….



Dragon arrives right on time, better than Uber.



Racing through a burning forest,

Sorry, my bad, my dragon set it a ablaze…

She sneezed, so sorry my bad.



Racing through a completely burnt forest….

Mist, smoke, nothing but smell of burning everywhere;

Again, I apologize, my bad, Karla got flu…



How the hell can an invisible dragon (who, technically, doesn’t exist)

Get flu????????????



Do I look like a vet to you?

I’m an idiot,

How I know if dragons get flu?



But, my invisible (non-existant) dragon has flu….

Bugger…. she sneezed and the Aylesbury Estate nothing

But ashes.



I sit in the smouldering remains of my home,

Cataloguing my loss;

Karla, redfaced and offering me a can of beer, snuggles beside me.



You’re tired, you know you wanna go to bed;

Do you really wanna open another can now?

Yep!!!! don’t mind if I do.




Author's Notes/Comments: 

drunks and the habit

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Mr Ben

Mr Ben



(inspired by old children’s cartoon series)


I’m down my local Marks&Sparks;

Trying out new clothes, need a new look;

Take my selection of trousers and shirts

Into the changing cubicle.


In khaki shorts and shirt,

I emerge onto a beach being heavily bombed;

Deafening thunder all around;

Actual people, with legs missing, dying in front of me.


I run like hell; dodge here, jump and roll there….

Screaming like a girl all the way;

And land in a hole;

With a soldier handing me a rocket launcher.



No time to ask questions,

I lean over the side

And hope this thing works like it does in the films.


Yay! It does.

As my little group duck and run across the street;

I see a Marks&Sparks

And dive into the first changing cubicle I see…


I pull the curtain slightly aside, and take a peek;

All is trees, birdsong and bright, warm sunshine;

What the hell……?

And I emerge, dressed in a grass skirt, and nothing else.


I look behind me for my curtained cubicle,

To see a big bloody dinosaur headed my way;

Scary looking giant thing with sharp claws and big teeth

Can run faster than Lewis Hamilton can drive.


I run,

Still screaming like a girl;

And run, smack into a tree.

Lights out. Night, night.


I awoke with a very bright blue moon shining down on me

And some furry slimy thing, with very bad breath,

Licking my face,



I sit up in disgust, it runs away in fear;

And I see a shadow flickering in the the light breeze

With a bright neon Marks&Sparks sign behind it;

It’s there… it disappears… it’s there….


I stand

And immediately fall to my hands and knees,

In blinding, nauseous pain;

I crawl to the shadow.



Back in my changing cubicle;

Nylon, plastic smell; plastic coldness;

No monsters, with big teeth.


I lay there I don’t know how long;

Everywhere hurt;

I’m covered in disgusting gunk;

And I still haven’t tried the trousers on.


It’s been a really weird day,

But, at 30 quid, I gotta make sure them trousers fit;

Wearily I remove my grass skirt

And get into something more manly.


They fit so snugly, the perfect length…

But an inner lining of web

Envelopes me

And some irresistible force draws from the safety of my cubicle.


To float in space.

Blackness… distant stars all around me….

And this big 2,000 metre tall baby beside me…

Sorry, embryo… wasn’t this in a film?


I float helplessly,

Looking at my pre-born self;

“Trust me, dude, it’s not worth the effort” I say

And the embryo explodes into a million shards of light.


And I find myself back in my cubicle;

In Marks&Sparks, on Walworth Road;

Still dressed in dirty jeans and sweatshirt;

I don’t know what they put in their coffee…


But it’s got some kick!



Author's Notes/Comments: 

definitely one of the best cartoons i saw as a kid

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With no particular place to go

With no particular place to go

By jfarrell


(inspired by a chuck berry classic)


Riding along in my automobile;

Karla, my dragon, beside me at the wheel;

A bump, a burp; she blew up my car;

I hope we’re not walking far;

Grumbling and playing my radio,

With no particular place to go.


Walking along without a car;

My anger’s running far;

Karla grabs me, makes me dance;

I wanna kill her, want that chance;

Scowling “Let me go!”

With no particular place to go.


No particular place to go….

We’re walking home in the cold;

The moon was bright and low

And Karla looked bathed in gold;

Can you imagine how I felt?

Bright and red like a welt.


Walking along, about to blow a fuse;

My invisible dragon, she’s not much use;

Arsonist baby girl

Giggling as she burns the world;

Cuddling and playing my radio;

With no particular place to go.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

my invisible dragon's not completely useless - she makes great toast and bacon ;-)

WMD By jfarrell Dressed in my fred flinstone trunks, Riding my silver surfer surf board; I crest the wave of fire, I crash into the wave of ice And howl in fury. That bloody unicorn’s got my bag of weed! I crash up against a barrier and feel myself enve


By jfarrell


Dressed in my fred flinstone trunks,

Riding my silver surfer surf board;

I crest the wave of fire,

I crash into the wave of ice

And howl in fury.


That bloody unicorn’s got my bag of weed!

I crash up against a barrier and feel myself enveloped,

Spider’s web spinning about me

Faster and faster…..


Damn…. this is a nifty looking space suit….

How does it work?

Of course!

Control panel on left arm (it’s in all the films).



That unicorn ain’t getting away with my weed!

I rise over my black, silvery ocean of flu

And look around…



At the epicentre….

There’s my bag of weed…



As I explode into a half dozen quick sneezes,

Which brings me to 2-3 minutes of coughing my lungs out…

I find the coffee I’m looking for and reach for it.

I can barely register the supermarket about me, my very empty basket.


A virus is at work in my body;

Recreating it’s nastiness and passing it on with my every breath;

But I still gotta do the shopping;

Haven’t eaten in 3 days.



Author's Notes/Comments: 

have you seen my unicorn? little fellow, black feathers, one shine horn..... and stolen bag of weed.... reward offered

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error... error... does not compute christmas

Error..error.. happy Christmas?.. does not Compute…

By jfarrell


(happy xmas, seasons greetings to all)


The time for cheer…

The time for goodwill and happiness to all people…

A time for miracles?…



Xmas is a time for families;

Xmas is a time for friends;


….…error!.. alert!…. error……. error…….. does not compute…… error…



Sorry, my bad, I forgot….

Just said ‘goodbye’ to my only friends…

And as for family…..

My sister DID phone me….

This year…..


When I started writing poetry…

And it upset her…

Stuff she’s already got over (?)

I bringing it all up again…



….Alert!… warning… programming malfunction….



The birth of Jesus…

The birth of Salvation…


….alert! Alert! Malfunction! Alert!…



….(…. feeling a big kick up it’s ass…

The slug climbs up….

Into light, out of the ear lobe….


And heads for water…..


The biggest mass of moisture…

In the universe….

Jim’s gob!…..


With all the survival instincts of a dying virus…

Slug jumps and head dives into Jim’s gob…



Good sir, please, what is today?

Why, it’s Christmas Day, sir….

Oh! Bless you, holy devout sire…

… I nearly missed it…



I’ve lived and relived my christmasses past..

And my last….

Never noticed em like the 30 before

Drunk from my birthday and slept through them…..




Choking and gagging…

Slug dives….

… and explodes…

…in a multitude of poisons…


“Here it is, Merry Christmas, everybody’s having fun….

“Should old acquaintance be for got….?


Emergency reboot!…..


Tick, whirrr, tick, tick, sludge…….dead!




….whirrrr…tick… whir….



…black screen….


[ Start up protocols….

[press 1….

[press 2 …

[press…. ]






…. So here it is…






Author's Notes/Comments: 

merry xmas all

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wolf unleashed

Wolf Unleashed

By jfarrell


(loved them old horror films, lon chaney jr, peter cushing..)


My 50th birthday was my Lon Chaney Jr. Moment….

Collapsed, out of site,

Behind the kitchen table;


Everytime a bit hairier;

Everytime my teeth, especially my canines (vampire teeth);

A bit longer,

A bit sharper.


With each rise above the kitchen table…

More hair, longer teeth, and my clothes more ripped, more shredded…

…it happened…

Thank you

Lon Chaney Jr.


I became the Mr Hyde I’ve always waited to become….

And I’m so happy….

It’s the not the evil child raping monster I was expecting….

I CAN play guitar… DAMN…. I can play T’rex, Chuck Berry…

I can jam along with Clapton, Van Morrison, Iron Maiden…


I’m far from good… YET… but, damn, I CAN play

And I WILL get better

Like Lon Chaney Jr…

I gonna get more hairy….

I gonna let them teeth grow down to my knees….

Damn, am I gonna get hairy….

Hair alll the way down to my feet….



That’s my werewolf howl :-)


Dr Who got a new regeneration on Xmas Day;

I got mine first ;-)

Author's Notes/Comments: 

always loved them old horror movies

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Flying across London at night

Flying across London at night

By jfarrell


Look up, and use the stars, the constellations to navigate;

Looking down on London, at night, is the same.

The lights, of landmarks, vehicles….


When I first flew with my dragon, I was so lost.


But, look down…

The perfect ring of red light,

With a bulge of multicoloured madness below it…

That’s the London Eye (big wheel) and the Southbank area.


The elusive, silvery eel that borders that is the Thames;

Look left, look right, follow the silvery trails and the boats…

You’ll find bridges…

And once you’ve identified one bridge…


You know where you are, flying over London at night.


But I would not recommend flying a dragon over London;

I know they’re cars, boats and trains…

But Karla thinks they’re little bugs

All with with fantastic flavours….


We crashed, that first time, opposite Waterloo Station…

Taxi cab had been converted into a fresh coffee bar…

Covered in coffee beans and grounds…

Karla stood up and gave a flaming belch….


Even the cab owner agreed, coffee never tasted so good,

Roasted at about a billion degrees…

By a 15 foot chocolate bar…

I really should ask Karla to put some clothes on…


Author's Notes/Comments: 

anyone know where i can buy a London-wide safety net? my dragon wont wear a saddle or harness....

and i must have been off sick when my school had horse and dragon riding lessons...


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(time and relative dimension in space)

By jfarrell


(inspired by dr who)


This is why I love free verse…

My life story, history, autobio…..

Goes on for  a billion pages…



In a poem

1 page, 4 stanzas

No rhyming couplets

But a rhythm that rocks your bones….

Kisses your soul

And dances the twist with your heart….




Not only can I describe what it felt like,

Back then,

I can whisk you away in my time machine

And you can feel it, experience it for yourself



If you’re familair with dr who…

You know to keep running away

Coz the daleks, cybermen and all horrible monsters

Running after you….

You look like their next dinner


I am the TARDIS.

A wordsmith.

But, still

A happily committed drunk!


Author's Notes/Comments: 

sorry, i used to absolutely love dr who

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