emotion

Hurt With You

Folder: 
2017

I will always be breaking, combusting,

breaking down and breaking through,

you know so well I would rather hurt with you.

 

You need to stop using those words,

always the sorry and the need,

I can’t take either when I can barely breathe.

 

I need to stay, I need to leave,

I need a list of things I shouldn’t do,

cut off oxygen and crashing cars,

losing and finding and hurting you.

 

Tomorrow I might not be able to reach,

carving history, scribble skin on skin,

stomach drop with what you choose, begin.

 

I will always be sighing, stumbling,

sighing lies and sighing truth,

when I’m cold and so unable to shake you.

 

But I will always be breaking, combusting,

breaking down and breaking through,

you know so well I would rather hurt with you.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 4/11/17

 

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Writing A Song Like You

Folder: 
2017

I don’t know how long

until I can write a song like you,

one that won’t miss me

when it bleeds from my head

but it will miss with no logic

every time the door opens to someone else.

 

One that I can weave through my fingers

when you’re across the room

and on your skin

when you’re next to me.

 

One that can

explode in my bloodstream,

touch the lies and the truth,

grip me and not let go.

 

I don’t know how long

until I can write a song like you,

one that holds every piece

but can’t put them together,

one that laughs at everything

but still can’t hold my eyes.

 

I don’t know how long

until I can sing what you’ve said,

promises that fill all the canyons

even when they shouldn’t,

a close that vibrates with something I can’t name.

 

I don’t know how long

until I can write a song like you.

 

Maybe I have done it.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 4/5/17

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Halfway

Folder: 
2017

Smother me in sanity

I never thought I had,

reach the line I didn’t dare to cross

 

I can stumble,

loathe this halfway

and still love it like my own,

stand on the ledge and keep myself from leaping

 

Leave my heart attacks at the door,

I can’t afford them

when I need the nervous,

the beats that sprint when I’m pressed close to you

 

Sin

ought to be something

this exquisite,

something bitingly sweet when I open my mouth,

something heartwrenching

that makes my heels

pound on the pavement

when you’re standing motionless-

 

I don’t know how long I can do this

without falling or

pretending to fall.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 4/2/17

Apart, Together

Folder: 
2017

Eight days,

my time has slowed

to a

crawl

waiting for your touch…

apart.

 

The lonely has built walls around me,

every second I almost let it in

until I remember how I am with you,

I know we need to break for a minute

to bend so perfectly again…

apart.

 

So I find the top of the hill

to try to find you by the stars

from miles away…

apart.

 

Drive me wild,

lead me to the crystal,

to the chasms I can’t leap

without you there…

together.

 

You have showed me

how I can shiver,

how this heart can break in bliss…

together.

 

Time to miss you like melting

and still love the candlelight,

miss you like a fury

and keep finding my footprints,

miss you like a shotgun

and learn how I don’t fall apart,

time to shut the door for a moment,

see if it opens back up…

together.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 3/31/17

bad decisions shoved under the welcome mat

Folder: 
2017

I used to think the chill in the air pulled at my lungs

and brought out the shivers

but we are warm and tangled,

this blanket is more than enough

and my chest is still icy

when you touch me like that.

 

if you are here it means I am moving,

I can’t sit still when you keep slipping,

please stay no matter how your temperature rises,

we have a cave to mold our secrets.

 

yesterday there were

bad decisions shoved under the welcome mat,

today I have unrolled them and swallowed the key,

we can’t get back in,

we are unknown.

 

you move one hand

up and I disintegrate,

it’s all I can do not to lean back and break down.

 

you move one hand

to mine and I am collapsing,

somehow you can love me with just your fingertips.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 3/29/17

Drive

Folder: 
2017

I pour over you and mend and capture,

I’m terrified by this cloudburst heartbreak,

lost in a thousand ways.

 

It is a long road

but we are pressed together at midnight

and I can’t seem to stop the slide.

 

It is a steep something where I could fall,

I still want to frame this and drink it every morning.

 

It is a chaos I can only draw in simple,

it is so much I am willing to lose.

 

It is a long drive

and as you pull away I can find your heart closer.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 3/29/17

Every Day

Folder: 
2017

Every day we will try to restart,

we stumble but I hope we know where to stand.

I don’t want to give you away.

 

Every day I spend all of my

energy

and I’m left with a whole lot of

lonely

but this is the good lonely…

every day we don’t know where to step

but we keep walking.

 

I have wrapped you in twilight

but every day you pull off another corner,

drenched in daylight,

facing the sun

when it’s only worth slipping

to find our footing again.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 3/26/17

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I Am Not A Realist

Folder: 
2017

I wrap myself around these sound waves

so the memories don’t fall,

drown in starlight that will speak to me when you’re gone.

 

I am not a realist so I will cover my walls in sirens,

undo buttons I will never press,

romance when all the confusion collides.

 

I am not an artist so I will feel the change in altitude

without climbing high,

pull your misleading silver down over me.

 

I am not a soul to save but I will tell you how much I want it,

the absence of white noise,

this is such a good place to give up and fall.

 

I am not a realist but I will hold this together,

a heart born with the burning,

I am so delusional

I will drown in you and call it the best oxygen.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 3/17/17

Glances

Folder: 
2017

Stealing glances, picking little fights

when you’re the only one I would never push down-

you are already too sunk with your ship,

rooted in lonely chaos.

 

We are tangled because they told us to

and when I reach past you

I could swear you almost take my hand,

there is no shame in this

unless I want there to be.

 

Scribbling secrets, spring midnights

when we paint the sky open with laughter…

we will regret breaking dawn

but we can never regret as much as we will miss.

And when you’re across the table

I could wake the whole world

with these deafening glances.

 

I want to tell you how you talk,

how it builds this sun around us and

I see it like a comfort that could break any moment

but somehow you still manage to hold it up.

 

I want to tell you how you sound,

tired and happier than you’ve ever been in daylight,

like no matter how late it gets you’d rather be here,

like you’ll never hold it over me if I trip.

I want to tell you how you sound,

hands that can’t hold you up at this hour,

a voice stumbling over itself,

a voice tired and messy but I love it that way.

 

I want to tell you how you look,

not even trying to stay awake,

you don’t need to when these bonds are unspoken and

so I keep glancing over at you,

seconds then minutes at a time,

hoping you might catch me,

wishing you won’t.

 

I want to tell you how you love,

tired and you’re still better at human than me,

if we are marbles or minutes or just what someone needs

you give so so so much more than you take.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 3/16/17