Odd Man Out

Sometimes, I realize how different I am.


A shape that doesn't fit into any one particular place


Odd man out


When I look back on how versatile I've always been

Lots of different cliques, not a singular type of friend


Expending everything I have to be someone people want to talk to


But for what?


What am I searching for?



I can identify so many beautiful things that I have

In real life


A short few people who actually love me, for me


When I need them, they come through


In depth long conversation


Or just a simple cup of coffee because they're near


These are tried and true relationships



Sometimes I realize how different I am.


The tallest tree in the forest, towering above those who directly surround her


Or the tiniest grain of sand, undifferentiated, lost in an endless desert

So much the same, but uniquely separate in perspective

Nothing better, nothing worse

Just different...


If I had the choice to be somene else, in another place, another position

I wouldn't think twice before turning it down

I realize this isolation is an opportunity to turn myself around

I was once lost, and once again I will be found

I know I won't find myself in the struggle of another

So, I'll stop attempting to drown myself in the company of others

The silence, the absence, the willingness to be with me

The effort, The choice, The solace

It's become my sole necessity


Author's Notes/Comments: 

I'm in a weird space within right now.

Trying to find the strength to go radio silent and let the true friendships surface.

Trying to find a true friendship with myself, and rebuild my connection to my spirit.

Distance and space are hard to do when you feel like you'll be missing out on others.

But, it's time.

Truly Disgusted

Sickened by my own decision of partner because all we end up having is collisions... departure is where we're heading to, we do contain love inside but only for a few moments then back to not knowing what to do. Caught up in a commitment, handling verbal abuse everyday, I stand here being convicted as I view down to pray. My beautiful glow became dimmed by those who hate the truth, that's when I gag and usually throw up the duce but it's as if I'm trapped inside of a spiders web. Withheld from freedom of decisions, expressing what's inside and kept in confusion of a wicked life I live... I would rather not continue to give now and become cold enough to make others freeze before getting any closer to me. "Jeeze" why do people go forward with fucking me over and not realize that I'm just becoming bolder by turning my shoulder to what is expressed to me, I am too deep in being depressed I can not save myself. Grossed out on how specific people can live tampering with those weaker than them, acknowledging that one day they will face God risking to get condemned. Don't forget there are those that enjoy stimulating people's minds by gaming, making them think until they no longer can keep up and begin to just sink.

                  Marcelina Flores

                 -April 16th, 2014-

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