Escapism

Early Retirement

i can't seem to get it straight,

all the words in my head,

floating like sippable sundaes.

i'm working and going,

i'm fighting and i'm trying,

so why am i the first to die?



part of me is always hating,

the other, is always loving.

makes for an uncovienent life.

i'm too tired to argue,

but i'll scream my lungs dry.



why must everyone be so happy?

i feel so left alone,

but that was my wish wasn't it?

i asked for time away,

yes, i asked for my misery.

but does it extend to today?



silly, yeah i know,

but i feel so lonely inside,

one half of a kiwi,

missing the other.

why me?

does it have to be this way?



i'm out of excuses,

i'm out of reasons,

i'm out of diseases,

i'm out of thoughts.

i'm out of reality.

i'm out of so much.



can't i take a vacation, just a temperary one,

one where i float away but my body works.

one where i can kiss the stars and swing on saturn.

one where i can swimming through the milkyway,

or crash into the arctic ocean.

a simple vacation without actually leaving.



i'm ready to retire.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

i'm sooooo tired... can't believe that i haven't written in sooo long... i apologize... honestly!

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Heaven of Hell

Send me down to the Heaven of Hell

I've lost my senses as far as I can tell

Give me order and structure of thought

Substance to my style of all else is naught

Or I'll descend, but not of my own accord

To the depths of Hades

Where Reason is teacher and lord

I've had enough of pleasant, loosely strung verse

I can spill out a song without having to rehearse,

But I'm far too undisciplined in the way of the mind

Though my spirit is overflowing, my heart is kind

I need to become a pupil of the light

I've seen too many sunsets and an eternal night

Where the only thing lucid is the star in the sky

And though in darkness I relish, lovely though it may be,

The greatest star of all is the one star I cannot see

So lead me to the golden-maned Apollo

In whose law I can abide and whose teachings I can follow

Or send me like Persephone away from the light

If this be my sentence, I shall put up no fight,

But find me a place wherein I can belong

Away from this meadow haunted by song

And Pan carelessly cavorting in music and myth

I wouldn't have minded staying here, but that was only if

I was given a space to stay and be free

That was before I realized such things come with a fee

A fee I can't pay with my jack of all trades and master of none

Everyone has a vocation and it's never just having fun

So take me down to the Heaven in Hell,

Where I can learn the dark arts of reason and thus break the spell.

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the silented blurriness of frosted angel wings

Folder: 
2006

Sometimes when I look up into the night sky, I see it filled with a million stars, yet I don't see mine, as punishment of eternal suffering for all the bad things I've done behind a halo of make believe virginity.



And to know that is nothing that can change what has already been destroyed - or pushed beyond the deepest scarred pressure points while halfway throwing a strong blow to even the most stable vines in the rose gardens and too weak to become anything else than what is reflected through the shadows



awakened with the slicing pains of shooting staking destruction

the frosted realitues that once glimmered are now somewhere along the lines of time all the birds had flown away to the hotter burns on the front-row center



while in the shadows - existence pay no mercy to recognition in winter's lifelessness



silenced nothingness raptured into mortality's flght in the everlasting quicksand coils and the ebony angel wings are restless in the silence of ignorance's bliss

Author's Notes/Comments: 

7/29/06

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A Place In My Mind That I Visit

Folder: 
Other

Watch me while I go insane.
As I slip into the darkness of my mind.
To be ravenged by the horrors of the deep.
And yet come to love them.
I have snapped.
As I wander the curved hall of maddness.
Only seen before in my head.
Doors on either side.
And inside, horrors await.
With people waiting to touch me.
Rape me.
Drain me of my lifes blood.
Waiting to ravange my mind,
tear it to pieces.
Literally and metaphorically.
People who wish to cut me, use me, bend me to their will.
And I will greet this.
As I go, with a hunger, wanting to feel the pain, the raveshment. To feel the pleasure.
As I have done so many times before.
While I go over the many senarios in my mind.
Over and over and over again.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

That really is a place that I visit. I can think up some pretty nasty stuff while I am there. I fill it with many different people from many different horror movies. And some books. So yeah. I'm kind of messed up. Yeah!!! *cheers*

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The World

Folder: 
Feelings

What kind of world do I live in?

Is there anywhere safe I could hide?

I'd take a troll under a bridge over a rapist in an ally any day.

A place where you don't have to worry about your boyfriend or girlfriend wanting sex, at your age!

And drinking? Why risk your life and risk jailtime instead of wait till you turn 21?

And don't get me started on drugs.

What I hear at my school scares me.

I didn't realize how little I knew my classmates.

I won't repeat what they said.

They joke about it now. People over 20 should be the ones joking! Not teens that I know.

The world I live in scares and confuses me.

I don't know what to think.

I read my books and watch my movies.

And I wish I was there. Constatnly putting myself into my favorite stories.

My head is often in the clouds.

I know if I ever learned any mythical beast was real, dragon, griffen, unicorn, giant, I just might cry. More for some than for others.

And if any of my favorite characters from books or movies?

I just might die.

I really think, truley, that I would prefer any other world that this one.

A world were not knowing the dark secrets of the people I know was the least of my worries.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I heard my classmates about how they had sex, who was really wierd drunk, and I was amazed at how little I really knew my classmates. Kind of long, but I feel that way strongly.

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THE NOMADIC ME

Again I want to go

Minimal things in my space

Memories, dreams put on hold

Running, I?m not running

The nomadic me



Cry, kick, in a ball I push away.

I hide myself in a darkness of light

No closet, no music no songs

Leave me to be free

The nomadic me



Memories like the rainstorm

Showing my fears.

I will not be vulnerable

I am the mask, don?t se the brokenness

The nomadic me



Sunglasses, hat, skirt, tennis shoes,

and last but not least smile.

It is what is seen on the outside

Can?t sit still, can?t leave, wanting to do both.

The nomadic me



Mirror, bar?, thinking of silent tears running

Down a solemn face.

No one knows my dancer?s spirit is shattered.

It has always been my place of safety.

The nomadic me



Morning songs and singing

Love of a childhood friend

Knowing I don?t fit in and am very

Proud to stand out.

The nomadic me



The prick of the pins and razors cut sharp

Into my heart and flesh.

I don?t understand and I don?t want to.

I just want to stop the pacing.  Maybe today.

Maybe tomorrow.  Maybe now.  Maybe then.

Only time will tell.

The nomadic me.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This was written during my group today. it is the first time in a long time that i felt completely attacked by someone who didn't even know me. by the way bar is the dancer's bar

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the ugly midwest again

god is whistling

a happy little tune

it is raining

here we are again baby

driving across the ugly heartland

of this country

facing down corn and cattle

staring into the eyes of nothingness

and country music stations

jamming up clear waves

love by the two-way

your kiss a pail of cold water

dumped over my head and

down the front of my shirt

you hold me just right

at the pit stops

the embrace that only a man

who really knows you can

make you feel

sparks don't fly

it's just that really comfortable fiercely perfect love



that

i already know you don't like your belly button touched

i know the spot on your very lower back

that always hurts

that i dig into with my small fingers

just the right way

i know you hate instant coffee

and you love it strong strong strong

usually black but sometimes with cream sometimes with sugar

if it's the god-awful stuff

and with a morning cigarette if you can sneak one in

and i know so much more about you

than you ever want to start over teaching someone else

kind of love



there isn't wild gross passion

pda get a room kind of middle school stuff

just that touch that smile

that bury my nose in your shoulder

those arms wrapped around me

in the please don't make me get back in this truck

and drive another seventy miles without you embrace



he breaks away

with the tousle of my hair

another touch a last touch

and then my whole world

gets in the truck

and we are back to love on the two-way

and the thought of a cozy hotel room

one hundred and seventy three miles ahead

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JUST A LITTLE TIME FOR MYSELF









~BUCKS SIGS~




~Just A Little Time For Myself~





Just a little time for myself

To do all the things I like

And have more time in my hands

To accomplish anything my mood strikes!



I'd like to read some of my new books,

And paint and relax under a tree's shade.

I wish I could see all my friends laugh

To all the gossips and jokes we trade



Just a little time for myself I beg,

To make it through this day.

I need that and you need it too,

'Fore the light of the day goes away



And the night starts to tint of black the whole sky.

I just need a little time for myself to dream away, anyway!





Dorian Petersen Potter

aka ladydp2000

copyright@2006



March,24,2006










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Winter's Haze

Folder: 
Poems

Here they come

One by one

Seldom a pair

So soft to touch

But even Innocence equips a Distrust

Bit the poison apple

Temptation's a burden

Too strong for one to hold

Without thoughts of letting go

So here I'm I

Here I lay

So cold

Growing numb

It leaves you breathless

Begging for more

Cursed to never stray away

Lost in all its spellbounding gaze

To leave is futile

So I'd rather stay

Trapped within this Winter's Haze

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Dedicated to my friend Nick who's picture inspired me to write this.

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