girl

1967 VISIT.

Sunny day
that hospital
visiting day
she outside

 

in a chair
smoking a cigarette
I sat  in a chair
next to her

 

wouldn't
let me out
she said
wanted to meet you

 

in London
but the docs
put their spoke
in the wheel

 

and the parents
are none too happy
about it
means

 

they have
to visit me
rather than I
go to them

 

I said nothing
let her speak on
get it out
of her system

 

she had this
dressing gown on
her hair tied back
in an untidy bun

 

bright red slippers
on her feet
if I didn't have
these cigarettes

 

I’d go completely
over the wall
with the other
fruit cakes in here

 

she said
they said
you were here
at the hall

 

I said
I went there first
Warwick said
you were here

 

bought you these
and I gave her
a pack of smokes
and a small box

 

of chocolates
she took the gifts
with her free hand
and placed them

 

beside her
on the grass
God you are good
to me

 

if we were in the City
I’d repay you
she said
no need

 

I said
given out of love
not lust
she smiled

 

guess so

she said
they keep
that small cupboard

 

locked now
she said
after that time
we had it off

 

in there
she said
I looked back
towards

 

the hospital ward
a few yards away
too small anyway
I said

 

she inhaled slow
on the cigarette
her eyes half closing
due to the smoke

 

do you really get
that church
tambourine
banging thing?

 

she asked
the essence yes
I said
not necessarily

 

the trappings
she stared at me
her free hand
in her lap

 

the other holding
the cigarette
to one side
I suppose people

 

need to believe
something
in this darn circus
of a world

 

she said
guess so
I said
she looked down

 

towards the road
some fifty yards away
where traffic
moved slowly by

 

and as she moved
she crossed her legs
a glimpse of thigh
caught my weary eye.

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MILKA TOUCHED.

Milka touched
Benedict
on the arm

 

her fingers
running down
to his hand

 

Benedict
touched Milka
on her thigh

 

his fingers
running up
to her sex

 

their lips met
hot kisses
wet tonguing

 

both eyes closed
his fingers
making play

 

her fingers
tickling
his open palm

 

she thinking
dream like things
wedding bells

 

wedding rings
he thinking
fingers warm

 

entering
opened her
like flower

 

in spring time
her beauty
undone him

 

sucked him dry
she asked him
her questions

 

like girls do
he answered
one word why?

 

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MORNING TIME HEAD.

Baruch liked
Yehudit's eyes
the smile that lingered
waiting for her

 

seemed an eternity  
being with her
always seemed
too short a time

 

the walk
by the wood shed
the memory
of their first

 

smoke there
she almost choking
that first time
the path

 

through the woods
the trees tall
sky above
hardly seen

 

she by a tree
that time waiting
said she wanted to
but they didn't

 

not just yet
he said
the walk to the pond
warm weather

 

unlike that first time
when the frost
bit them
he waited

 

by the pond side
ducks swimming
disturbing
the water's skin

 

she lay once
beside him here
talked of sex
or what

 

she knew of it
what girls
at school said
what one girl

 

said it was like
he watched the ducks
smelt the weather's air
that first kiss

 

kisses followed
she and him
the moon shining
above them

 

he liked the way
she lay
on that bed
the sunlight

 

through the window
falling
on her breasts
he watched the sky

 

through
the tall trees
clouds passing
he liked her hand

 

in his
warm pulsing
fingers touching
undoing

 

doing
waiting seemed
an eternity
he often said

 

playing out
the last kiss
inside
his morning time head.

 

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SOME WHEN.

Jeanette looked
back at me in class
I was at the back
with Reynard

 

focusing
on the history lesson
as best we could
the text books open

 

before us
some colour picture
of a cave man
with a spear

 

and dressed in fur
and some cave girl
standing beside
looking butt ugly

 

Reynard said
in whispered breath
Jeanette’s eyes
were focused on me

 

dark looking
her hair long
and dark
thin hands

 

and frame
she looked away again
her narrow shoulders
full to view

 

the teacher
was chalking words
upon the board
sentence

 

after sentence
in a measured script
I thought about
the quick peck

 

on Jeanette's cheek
at lunch recess
just so
quick in and out

 

before she had time
to say or breathe
or feel the affects
to make her swoon

 

or sick or both
I scribbled
on the exercise page  
in untidy scrawl

 

Reynard muttering
comments
about the cave girl's tits
about hair

 

under her arms
but I was focused
on Jeanette’s line
of curve

 

the way her
narrow waist
went in and out
so narrow

 

I’d get my arms
all about
dark hair
on her shoulders

 

smooth
well brushed
or combed
the head

 

at an angle
as if to scrutinize
the writing
on the board

 

take in the words
and sense
and write it down
in her (I imagined

 

far finer hand
than mine
going by the smooth
movement

 

of her fingers and pen)
maybe I could
kiss her again
I thought

 

some place
some when.

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ELAINE AND THE ELVIS SONG.

Elaine sits
in her room
the door shut

 

her sister
in the room
next to hers

 

plays records
all too loud
an Elvis

 

Rock and Roll
kind of song
but Elaine

 

shuts it out
as best as
she now can

 

curtain's drawn
chink of light
through a gap

 

gazing hard
at herself
in mirror

 

her features
those two eyes
her thoughts on

 

the boy John
what went wrong?
almost there

 

getting close
yet so tense
lost in words

 

burnt in touch
scared to feel
love as this

 

undoing
lost balance
this love feel

 

this chasm
she pretends
to kiss him

 

her eyes close
Elvis sings
from nearby

 

the song hurts
feels undone
makes her cry.

 

 

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BENEDICT THINKS OF HER.

Benedict
thinks of her
Christina

 

the girlfriend
at high school
as he now

 

undresses
preparing
for bedtime

 

she far off
in her house
in her town

 

her parents
probably
below stairs

 

watching their
dull programmes
on TV

 

while she in
her bedroom
undresses

 

or so he
imagines
(in his head)

 

watching her
removing
each piece of

 

clothing
as he too
undresses

 

in his room
a coloured
centrefold

 

of a fast
racing car
on the wall

 

and her small
photograph
by his bed

 

she gave him
he'd seen her
on the field

 

at high school
during their
lunch recess

 

she sitting
with her friends
giggling

 

then walking
together
off alone

 

high smell of
lavender
her soft hand

 

lips kissing
now in bed
lying there

 

lights all out
just moonlight
reflecting

 

her image
he pretends
she is there

 

next to him
not speaking
not laughing

 

both watching
the moon move
and stars shine

 

hands touching
fingers entwined
each having

 

the same thoughts
in shared mind.

 

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TWO PIECES OF CAKE.

She brought
two pieces of cake
her mother had made
to the pond

 

she termed our lake  
and we sat
on the dry summer grass
she unwrapped the paper

 

and handed me
the slice of cake
looks good
I said

 

it is
Judith said
she can do
some things right

 

the cake was sweet
and soft
and mouth watering
I held the cake

 

over my palm
collecting every crumb
she looked out
over the pond

 

the still skin
of water
flies hovering
over the top

 

bird calls and songs
and the sun seeping
through
the tall trees

 

overhead
she had her hair tied
in an untidy bun
at the back

 

her grey dress
came to the knees
dimly flowered
I sneaked these out

 

Judith said
not often
I get the chance
well done

 

I said
the last few crumbs
were gone now
just a damp palm

 

where they had been
she finished hers
and licked her palms
do you remember

 

when we first
came here?
she asked
yes

 

I said
winter
and I was frozen
and my fingers

 

were numb
she smiled
yes and I licked them
warm again

 

I smiled too
it had been
as she said
frozen fingers

 

sucked warm
her mouth over
the fingers
one by one

 

wouldn't do it
for just anyone
she said
I hope not

 

I said
that first kiss
recall that?
she asked

 

of course
Christmas
while carol singing
and the moon bright

 

and you embracing me
and our lips
kind of met
you embraced me too

 

she said
your lips met mine
they did I recalled
sitting there

 

next to her
her body so close
to mine
I could hear

 

her heart beat
her pulse race
what carol
were the others

 

singing?
she asked
haven't a clue
I said

 

too busy kissing
and you had
your hand
drawing me tighter

 

to you
on my backside
yes I did
didn't I

 

a bird flew across
the pond noiseilly
we looked up
caught sunlight

 

with our eyes
bird sounds
clouds passed
her hand

 

touched mine
a tingle raced
along my nerves
ringing bells

 

in my head
years have fled
time emptied away
and she is dead.

 

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IMITATION BUTTERFLY

Put your finger
along there
Jane said
gently

 

and she opened
her hands
to form
a kind of cup

 

and there
was the butterfly
yellowish with white
it opened and closed

 

its wings
feel the smoothness
she said
I focused

 

on her palms
the skin
thinking how lucky
the butterfly was

 

to land there
I gently touched
its wings
with my finger

 

gently so as not
to make it
fly off
she was intense

 

gazing at my finger
the wings opening
and closing  
my finger

 

was a mere
breath away
from touching
her skin

 

the warmth
of her palms
I leaned in closer
could smell

 

apples or fresh air
and her dark eyes
turned on me
and I looked back

 

at the butterfly
and stroked its
wings again
it flapped

 

and flew off
and I watched it
go passed
her dark hair

 

her eyes following it
in the air
and I followed
her hair

 

the dark and straight
the opened necked blouse
the green skirt
isn't it beautiful?

 

she said
yes very much so
I said
gazing at

 

the line of her neck
the area
where her hair
and collar

 

didn't meet
the jawline
and she
was looking up

 

at the sky
where the butterfly
flittered amongst
nearby flowers

 

at the foot
of the Downs
so gentle their wings
she said

 

she imitated
a butterfly
with her hands
the thumbs

 

hooked together
flapping her hands
out and in
and looked at them

 

then at me
should I stroke
the wings?
I said

 

she smiled
flapping
her hands slowly
so I did

 

stroking slowly
and gently
the outer line
of palm

 

with my finger
and she gazed at me
then at my finger
her small tongue

 

at the corner
of her mouth
beyond her
the butterfly

 

flittered off
the white and yellow
exchanging
as it went away

 

my finger
moving up and down
then slowly
moving

 

like the butterfly
a little bit away.

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WAITING FOR FAY.

Baruch could hear
Fay's father
bawling her out
along the balcony

 

his  Catholic platitudes
filling the air
he watched
from a safe distance

 

as Fay's fair hair
was caught
by sunlight
her father's

 

dark expression
like black clouds
on a summer's day
Pater Nosters

 

rose and fell
then he went indoor
and left her
standing there

 

the echo of his voice
staining the air
Baruch waved to her
and she descended

 

the stairs
to the balcony below
and along
where Baruch stood

 

what was that all about?
he asked
the nuns
reported me

 

meeting you
after school
the other day
she said

 

your daughter
is meeting the Jew
they'd said
he said

 

Fay looked back
behind her
as she touched
Baruch's arm

 

you're not to meet
the Jew boy
he was shouting
said he'd give me

 

a good hiding
if I saw you again
she said
looking up

 

at the balcony above
Baruch looked
at her fair hair
let loose

 

unfettered by bow
or ribbon
over her
blue dress

 

guess we mustn't
be seen then
he said softly
by Burton's window

 

in half hour
she said
and fled
along the balcony

 

and up the stairs
to her father's flat
Baruch watched
her go

 

the sway
of her dress
the hair in flow
then gone

 

from sight
just going out
he said
to his mother

 

at her ironing
in the front room
ok
she said

 

be careful
and so he
went down the stairs
and across the Square

 

down the slope
and along Rockingham Street
under the railway bridge
and along by

 

the back
of the cinema
and on to
the New Kent Road

 

down the subway
along the echoing passage
thinking of Fay
and her father

 

and his ways
he whistled
as he walked
his sound echoing

 

along the walls
a Hebrew tune
he'd heard
whistling loud

 

like a noisy bird
then up the steps
to the place to meet
by Burton's window

 

on the corner
of St George Road
traffic
racing by

 

waiting for Fay
her beauty
to greet
his Jewish eye.

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