1950S

SUN SEEKER

Anne,
one legged,

 

crutched herself
through passageway

 

and hall,
passed kitchen,

 

leg stump swaying,
green dress flowing,

 

out through
the French windows,

 

moving by me
in the doorway,

 

pushing by
the boss-eyed nun,

 

out into the garden,
shouting loudly:

 

WHERE’S
THE BLOODY SUN!

 

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LYDIA GETS TO GO.

You want to go to where?
Victoria rail station
Lydia said
her mother

 

as she dried the plate
a cigarette hanging
from her lower lip
asked

 

who with?
Benny the boy upstairs
in the flats
over there

 

Lydia said
her mother wiped
another plate
why there?

 

and why with him?
Lydia played
with her fingers
nervously

 

trains
steam trains
she said
we like to see them

 

and I like Benny
he's funny
her mother
stared at her

 

don't seem funny to me
but his mother's
a good sort
so he can't be

 

too bad I suppose
Lydia looked
at her mother's
red wet hands

 

how are you
getting there?
bus I guess
Lydia said

 

and I suppose
you want money
for the fare?
Lydia stared

 

Benny said
he'd pay
did he now
her mother said

 

think I can't
afford the fare?
she put the plates
in a cupboard

 

and stared
at her daughter
thin
weedy looking

 

she got her black purse
and took out
some coins
don't make a habit

 

of going out to
faraway places
her mother said
she put the coins

 

into her daughter's
thin white hands
and walked off

to tidy

 

the sitting room
Lydia looked
at the coins
in the palm

 

of her hand
she pocketed them
in her fading red dress
and opened

 

the front door
to see
if Benny was coming
the baker

 

was going by
on his horse drawn cart
the horse looked tired
and trotted slow

 

then she saw Benny
coming across
the Square towards her
riding his

 

imaginary horse
with his 6 shooter gun
and holster
of course.

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NADAV AND GIRLS.

 

Nadav had rough skin

when he touched

it was like sandpaper

rubbing flesh

 

girls have a habit

of boring me

to tears

he said

 

I looked

at Miss Ashdown's

broad behind

as she walked down

 

the aisle between desks

in class

her skirt swayed

like old ship's sails

 

all they talk of

is dolls and prams

and doll's clothes

and about whom

 

they'll marry

one day

I wondered

if Miss Ashdown's hips

 

wore away the wood

at the side

of the desks

as she walked

 

between them

I prefer boy's talk

of guns and battles

and wars and such

 

he said

I watched

as Miss Ashdown
turned and faced

 

the front of the class

her big bust

like battleship guns

do you like girl's talk?

 

Nadav asked

I like their gentleness

and softness

and smell of flowers

 

I said

but talk?

he said

what of that?

 

the knack

I said

is to listen

only to the last

 

few words of speech

to get the drift

of talk

Miss Ashdown

 

glared at Nadav

and threw

skill fully

chunks of chalk.

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HELEN AND THE GUNS.

Why do you wear
your guns back to front
in the holsters?
Helen asked me

 

as we walked
the bomb site
by Meadow Row
I saw this cowboy

 

in a film
at the cinema
have his like this
and you cross

 

your hands over
and get your guns
isn't it slower
that way?

 

she asked
no it's speed that matters
not how
you wear your guns

 

I said
I showed her
how quick I was
and she stood bemused

 

clutching her doll
Battered Betty
tightly to her chest
haven't you got

 

caps in your guns
to make them
sound real?
she asked

 

no I ran out
and anyway
I can make
the sound myself

 

by going
BANG BANG
she jumped away
holding Battered Betty

 

to her chest
you could have told me
you were going
to make that loud

 

banging noise
Betty got frightened
I looked at her
tightly woven plaits

 

of hair
and thick lens glasses
and her small hands
holding the doll

 

sorry Betty
I said
patting the doll's head
I put the guns away

 

and we walked
to the New Kent Road
and along
under the railway bridge

 

and by the Trocadero cinema
gazing at the billboards
and small pictures
of films

 

being shown
you can come
with me here
on Saturday

 

I said
they've got
a good cowboy film
showing

 

haven't any money
for the cinema
Mum said
she can't afford it

 

Helen said
my old man'll
cough up some money
if I ask

 

I said
she looked at me
Mum'll let me go
if you ask her

 

Helen said
ok let's go
ask her now
I said

 

so we walked
to Helen's house
and I told her
about how I practised

 

drawing my guns
everyday
she looked at Betty
but whether

 

she was listening
to me
or not
I couldn't say.

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FOR SOMETHING NOT DONE.

Ingrid's words
were muffled
when she spoke to me
by Dunn's hat shop

 

where we said
we'd meet
the day before
her thick lip

 

(where he father
had backhanded her)
moved slowly
does you dad

 

wear hats?
she asked
looking in
the shop window

 

no
I said
never seen him
ever wear a hat

 

not even to cover
his balding head
she looked
at the passing traffic

 

what happened to you?
I asked
pointing to her lip
my dad didn't like

 

the way I brushed
my hair
he said it was
too tartish

 

whatever that means
she said
tapping her
recently brushed hair

 

I tried to get out
of his way
but he caught me
with a backhand

 

I’m going
to the cinema
this afternoon
I said

 

there's a cowboy film on
and I want to see
how the good guy
draws out his gun

 

he does it
by crossing over
his hands
could I come?

 

she asked
Mum might give me
9d for a ticket
as long as Dad

 

doesn't know
she added
sure
I said

 

come to my flat
after lunch
we walked down
the subway

 

to get
to St George's Road
to walk along
to Bedlam Park

 

to try out
the swings there
and buy an ice cream
outside the swimming pool

 

(money I'd been given
by my old man
for polishing
his brown brogues)

 

I studied her
as we walked along
she talking
of her old man's temper

 

and how he punched
her mother
for letting
his dinner get cold

 

I noticed her
faded grey dress
the flowers red
against watery green stems

 

grey-white
ankle socks
black scuffed shoes
her thin hands

 

gesturing as she talked
and the slight smell
of dampness
as I neared her

 

the bruise
under her left eye
fading
like the morning sun

 

where her old man
had thumped her
for something
she hadn't done.

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FOR SOMETHING TO DO.

From her bedroom window
Lydia could see
the grass and pigeons

 

and some boy
with a bow and arrow
she could hear

 

her mother shouting
at her father
her sister

 

still asleep
in the big bed behind
the tattooed arm

 

hanging from the bed
her mouth open
Lydia saw the boy turn

 

it was Benedict
his quiff of hair
an arrow in his bow

 

pointing downwards
he was mouthing words
and making gestures

 

with his free hand
she opened the window
letting in

 

the morning air
are you coming out?
Benedict asked

 

Lydia's sister
stirred in the bed
where are you going?

 

Lydia asked
thought I’d go
to one of the big

 

train stations
see the steam engines
he said

 

she looked back
at her sister
the blonde hair

 

over her face
a breast hanging
out of her nightie

 

which one?
she asked
he fired an arrow

 

at a pigeon
but it flew away
Victoria?

 

he said
I’ve no money
she said

 

he went
to pick up the arrow
stuck in the grass

 

he wiped mud
off the end
when are you going?

 

she asked
after lunch
he said

 

walking up
to her ground floor
window and peering in

 

at Lydia's sister
can you call for me?
she asked

 

sure
he said
will your mother

 

be ok about it?
last time
she almost

 

bit my head off
Lydia looked out
at the grass

 

and dandelions
growing
she'll be all right

 

she said
uncertain but trying
to convince him

 

ok
he said
I’ll call for you

 

he walked off
across the grass
holding his bow

 

and arrow
shut the blooming window
her sister said

 

turning over in bed
Lydia pulled down
the window

 

and watched
as Benedict
climbed the green

 

metal fence
and disappeared
from view

 

Lydia picked up
her sister's
dirty washing

 

for something
(in the meantime)
to do.

 

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JANICE AND THE PLAGUE OF LONDON.

Mr Fin
thin
moustached

 

and grey suited
talked
of the Plague of London

 

in 1665
and people dying
and red crosses

 

on doors
and rats and ships
and BRING OUT

 

YOUR DEAD
being yelled
through

 

the narrow streets
we sat enthralled
taking in

 

the history lesson
Dennis drew a cross
on his palm

 

in red ink
(he had a job
to get that off

 

in recess)
and said
I bet he was there

 

old Fin
bet he was a kid
back then

 

it was almost
three hundred
years ago

 

I said
this is 1956
Dennis shrugged

 

his shoulders
and kept
to his theory

 

I watched the teacher
and how his hand
wrote so neatly

 

on the board
and drew a picture
of streets

 

with doors
with red crosses
and shadowy people

 

hanging round
Janice sat to my right
her eyes glued

 

to the board
as Mr Fin
wrote and drew

 

her chin
in the palm
of her thin hand

 

scribbling
in her exercise book
with her right hand

 

I liked her fair hair
the way it flowed
over her shoulders

 

like water
over rocks
the way her fingers

 

touched her cheek
as her palm
held the chin

 

another girl
sat next to her
some fat girl

 

with black hair
and a thin
faint moustache

 

and earrings
I liked Janice's
pink ear

 

showing through
a gap
in her hair

 

then Fin said
next time
we'll talk

 

of the Great Fire
of London
in 1666

 

Dennis stuck gum
under his desk
Janice closed her book

 

and gave me
her engaging  
young girl look.

 

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ANNE BEFORE BREAKFAST.

Anne put her crutches
by the table
on the lawn
and sat next to me

 

how's it going Kid?
ok
I said
what's for breakfast?

 

porridge or cereal
or toast
I said
no egg and bacon

 

and sausages?
she said
no
I said

 

fuck me
she said
who eats toast
or porridge

 

or  cereals?
pass me a glass
and pour me
some of that

 

orange muck
I poured her
a glass of orange juice
and put it

 

by her hand
she sipped it
I've tasted better
she said

 

I want you
to push me
down to the beach
later Kid

 

can't stick
being stuck
with these other kids
they drive me

 

up the wall
with their
goody-two-shoes
nonsense with the nuns

 

especially Sister Paul
the stuck up bitch
I looked back
towards the nursing home

 

other kids
were sitting about
other tables
and here and there

 

a nun was attending
to them
got any more wine gums
from your mother?

 

she asked me
no they've gone
Sister Bridget took them
to share

 

amongst the others
bloody communist
she said
I looked at her

 

sitting in the chair
her one leg visible
the stump
of the other leg

 

hidden beneath
her blue dress
the dress had little
anchors and boats

 

on it
had your look Kid?
she said
you're always trying

 

to look at my stump
aren't you?
I can't help it
my eyes are drawn

 

to the missing leg
I said
she lifted her dress
and showed

 

the stump of leg
have a good look Kid
I looked at the stump
then looked away

 

towards the windows
of the nursing home
when do you want
to go to the beach?

 

I asked
as soon as I’ve had breakfast
she said
she pulled down

 

her dress to cover her stump
and sipped the juice
the red ribbon
in her dark

 

straight hair
had come loose.

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SHOULD HAVE.

Derek said
she smells peculiar
and don't she's
brush her hair?

 

I was standing with him
in the playground
by the steps
that went down

 

into the bombed out
cellar of a house
which was where
the playground was

 

I like her
I said
watching her walk
hesitantly around

 

the groups
of boys and girls
in game or conversation
bet she's got

 

lice or fleas
or whatever
he said
she's got an old man

 

who beats her
and a mother
who doesn't care
I said

 

well she could at least
wash properly
he said
despite the hardship

 

and such
my mother
let her bathe
at our place

 

the other Sunday night
I said
didn't find
no lice or fleas

 

she had said
just dirt and grime
you didn't bathe
with her then?

 

Derek said laughing
no she bathed alone
my mother making sure
she was washing ok

 

Derek looked over at her
still smells peculiar
he said
it's the soap

 

we gave her
to take home
I guess
fancy a game

 

of cards?
he said
taking  football cards
out of his back pocket

 

sure
I said
and so we went down
by a vacant wall

 

and flicked our cards
to see got nearest
the wall and see
who won

 

whose cards
but out
of the corner
of my eye

 

I saw Ingrid
walking about
the playground
her dull flower

 

patterned dress
having seen
better days
her scuffed shoes

 

shyly making tread
should be with her
I thought
but carried on

 

playing cards
with Derek instead.

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