Christina was with friends
schoolgirls like her
and she saw me
coming across
the sports field
she left them
and met me
and I heard them
cackle like hens
I’d turned down
Reynard's game
of football
to be there
what's tickling
their fancy?
I asked
nodding
towards the girls
on the field
O you know
what girls are like
any juicy bit
of gossip
to bite on
what gossip is that?
about the gym
and us the other day
she said
and that prefect
turfing us out
O that
I said
looking at her eyes
seeing worlds there
I wish I was in your year
she said
then I
would be leaving school
this year
instead of next
shouldn't wish
your life away
or before you know it
you'll be an old lady
with grey hair
and wrinkles
God forbid
she said smiling
we walked up
the field together
she talked
of her parent's rowing
and her mother's moods
and how her big brother
had done things
but then she broke off
and talked
of the girl in her class
who thought
she was dying
because she had
started to bleed
during P.E
we got to fence
which separated
the field from the road
where cars and lorries
were going by
she looked back
at the field
we don't get
enough time together
she said
you being
in a village
miles away
and I living
in this boring town
at least we do
see each other
I said
not enough
of each other though
she said
her lips stopped
and parted slightly
I gazed at her
for a few moments
taking in her eyes
and lips
that kiss
in the gym
she said
that could have
led somewhere
could it?
I said
yes it may
she said
BENNY
someone called my name
across the field
who the heck is that?
she said
my mate Reynard
I said
what's he want?
football game I expect
you're not going
to play football
are you?
she said
I waved away Rolland
indicating I wasn't playing
and he ran off
with other boys
towards the goals
on the other end
of the field
she looked at the boys
kicking a ball around
never understand boys
she said
what do they see
in kicking a ball about?
never mind them
I said
we have limited
time together
she nodded
and she looked back
at the field seeing
who was nearby
and who was who
then she came
close to me
and kissed me
her lips warm
and wet
skin on skin
tongues touched
a fire like sense
raced along
my nerves
I closed my eyes
and so did she
and we were
in places
and positions
in our minds
where
we wanted
to be.
Elaine got off
the school bus
following her younger sister
not sure if John
was on the bus
or not
she didn't look
although she had been
tempted many times
to look about her
but she just stared
out the window
at the passing view
listening to others
talking and laughing
wondering if John
was there
and if he had been
looking at her
she walked on
by the school fence
her sister went off
with a friend
into the girls' playground
she looked
at her shoes
scuffed
black
her white
ankle socks
looking
now and then
at the passing feet
of others
not looking
but staring
waiting
for the school bell
to ring
can we still talk?
a voice asked
she looked up
John was standing there
with that quiff of hair
that hazel eyed stare
she blushed
and looked at him
talk about what?
she asked moodily
looking at his
loosely tied tie
anything
as long
as we can talk
he said
she didn't feel
like talking
or listening
but she did
she was in
such a depressed mood
that she thought that
any moment she
was going to cry
and she didn't want
him or others
to see her cry
she looked behind him
at passing girls
their hair
all arranged neatly
you're not going
to kiss me again
are you?
she said
he looked at her
then at her hair
not if you don't
want me to
he said
although at that moment
he wanted to
because he wanted
to make the oddness
of the day before right
to get them back
to some kind
of friendship again
she wasn't sure
if she felt relieved or not
part of her
wanted him
to kiss her
to show others
that someone
did find her attractive
and that she wasn't
just a 14 year old
frump as others
called her
we can't talk now
she said
the bell will soon go
maybe lunch time
at recess?
he nodded
sure
he said
I’ll look out for you
O by the way
I saw a Jay yesterday
she looked at him
there was a small smile
on his lips
Jay?
she said
it's a bird
he said
don't see them often
but it was in
our garden briefly
O
she said
not knowing
what else to say
about a bird
I’ll show you
a picture
in my bird book
at recess
if you like
he said
she nodded
and a smile spread
on her lips
the book of birds
he kept in that
coat pocket of his
she thought
the school bell rang
and he said
see you later
and touched her hand
and was gone
she she sensed
his touch still there
warming moving along
her nerves
like a fire
opening up
a small unknown
deep down desire.
What names
shall we give
our children
when we get older?
Judy asked
as we walked
through the woods
behind the house
towards the lake
(as she called
the pond
in the woods)
I’m no good
with names
I said
you must
have some idea
what names to call
your children
I haven't got children
not yet but when
we're older you will
she said
the trees were
coming into leaf
the sun was straight overhead
birds were flying
from branch to branch
what if it's a girl?
she asked
I thought about
the middle spread picture
of the sports car
in the Eagle comic
I’d just pinned
to my bedroom wall
the parts number
and labelled
colourful
surely
you must have
a girl's name?
she asked
Leonore
I said
what kind of name
is that?
she said
I think it's in
that Beethoven opera
Miss Graham
made us listen to
during lessons
I said
I don't like it
Judy said
the car picture
was just one
of many I had
on my bedroom walls
I had one photograph
of Hayley Mills
in a frame
by my bed
I got it
from a magazine
on move-stars
what about Ruth?
she said
or Rebecca?
the path through the woods
was windy
there were bramble
on each side
how about Jezebel
I said
it has a certain
ring to it
don't like it
she said
gives off
a bad scene
we reached the fence
around the lake
and climbed over
she had on
that peasant
looking dress
flowered red and yellow
I caught a glimpse
of thigh
as she went over
you're not
taking it
seriously
she said
as we walked down
the grass towards
the water
sure I am
I said
I think Judy’s
a fine name
for a daughter.
A butterfly fluttered by
as we lay
in the long grass
talking;
well she talked,
I listened
to her words,
took them
into my mind,
turned them around
as if they
were rare gems,
all air and breath,
peppermint tasting.
I looked
at the rise and fall
of her breasts
beneath the blouse;
her hand shading
her eyes
from bright sunlight;
her hair tucked
behind her ears;
lips moving,
the pink gloss touching
lip to lip as she spoke.
The butterfly
disappeared from sight;
red and black
and white wings,
fluttering, riding
between her words,
carrying off,
maybe, a breath feel,
a wing touched,
colourful,
sight captured.
I could have ran
a finger along
her thigh,
barely touching,
skimming maybe,
but my fingers behaved,
held back;
the rise and fall
of her mounds,
the eyes shaded,
her words
became butterflies,
fluttered about me,
carrying softness,
tender as bubbles,
syllables upon syllables
reaching for the sky,
then like far away stars
they began to die.
Maybe
it was the way
she sat
or the way
her head
titled slightly
or the promise
in her eyes,
dark and mysterious,
that outshone
the midday sun
on the school field;
I sitting there
next to her,
half shy
half opening up,
talking the talk,
eyeing her over,
taking in
her eyes,
the nose,
the lips partly open,
tongue moving
just along the edge.
Maybe
it was the scent
she wore,
applely,
flowery smell;
her small breasts,
pushing against
the white blouse,
the buttons
under pressure;
her hands on
her thighs at rest;
her dark hair,
brushed just so,
and she spoke,
but I half listened,
half not,
caring not
how well she sat,
she cool,
I, oh boy,
so hot.
Jeanette was by
the wire fence
leaning against it
her hands
in front of her
resting one
on the other
she watched me
as I came out
of the school door
leading from the side
onto the sports field
her friend Angela
the blonde girl
had gone home
for lunch
my did you kiss me
like that?
she asked
as I went by her
your cheek
was tempting me
I said
so I kissed it
you should have
at least asked
she said
I will next time
I said
looking at her
taking in
her thin frame
and arms
what makes you think
there will be
a next time?
she said
her eyes were dark
like small currents
in cream dishes
I feel lucky
I said smiling
she didn’t smile back
you hang around
with that Rolland boy
don't you?
she said
yes he's a friend
I said
I don't like him
she said
he doesn't like you
much either
I said
he says
you're a titless wonder
she blushed
and looked away
but I like you
I think you have
a certain class
I mean the way you
sit there listening
to all that classical stuff
Miss Graham plays
to us in lessons
while we
are bored brainless
you sit there
in another world
actually enjoying it
she looked at me
I love Beethoven
she said
his music moves me
her eyes settled on me
she played with her fingers
but you ought
to have asked
before kissing
she said
have you told anyone
I kissed you?
no of course not
she said
shame it might do
some good
I said
in what way?
she said
other kids might not
think you so stuffy
and snobbish
I said
she looked
at her well heeled shoes
and white socks
it was only a peck
she said
not a real kiss
it was lips
on cheek skin
I said
wet and warm
she said shyly
there you go
I said
BENNY
Rolland called out
from the sports field
COME ON FOOTIE
best go
I said
see you in class
and I ran off
towards Rolland
and other boys
kicking a ball
maybe a kiss tomorrow
she had said
as I went off
up on the grass
I nodded
and turned away
the sky had brightened
blue skies
had moved off
the dull of grey.
Judith took me
to the derelict cottage
just off the wood
in the Easter recess
from school
she opened up
the back door
and into the kitchen
with its smell
of damp and decay
it's been empty for years
she said
my sister and I
used to come here
and pretend
it was our own cottage
smells horrible
I said
ignore the smell
she said
pretend it's our
own cottage
and we have
just moved in
after marrying
when did we marry?
I asked
after we left school
she said
smiling
she walked into
a larger room
with wide windows
looking out
onto a large
overgrown garden
we could grow
some of our own food
she said
looking out
the window
I looked at
the hanging wallpaper
and a damp patch
on the ceiling
and our children
could play out there
she said
what children? I asked
when did they come along?
after we married
she said
I don't remember
I said smiling
you will
if you pretend better
she said
moving through
to another room
at the front
I noticed a space
where a picture
must have hung
because it was cleaner
than the rest
of the wall
I like this room
she said
this is where we will sit
and have our TV
and radio
and the children
can sit with us
and we can cuddle them
I nodded playing along
let me show you upstairs
to the bedrooms
she said
so I followed her
up the creaky stairs
her green skirt
swaying as she walked
three bedrooms
she said
one for us
one for our boys
and one for our girls
she stood
in the front bedroom
looking out
over an untidy hedge
onto the road
this is our bedroom
she said
turning around
looking at it all
our bed can go there
she said
pointing to a wall
on the left
and we can have
a dressing table
and dresser
the room was empty
and smelt
over by the right wall
was a pile of shit
some one's been here
and dumped
I said
probably some tramp
or hobo
she looked
at the shit
and said
who's dumped
in our bedroom?
I laughed
it isn't our room yet
pretend
she said
I pretended
the shit wasn't there
and we went
into the other bedrooms
and she said
this was where
such and such
will be
and out of the window
the overgrown garden
seemed vast
with an apple orchard
to the left
she touched my hand
and squeezed it
we will be happy here
she said
I looked about
the room years after
the cottage smelt ranker
and she was dead.
Elaine sits
in her room
the door shut
her sister
in the room
next to hers
plays records
all too loud
an Elvis
Rock and Roll
kind of song
but Elaine
shuts it out
as best as
she now can
curtain's drawn
chink of light
through a gap
gazing hard
at herself
in mirror
her features
those two eyes
her thoughts on
the boy John
what went wrong?
almost there
getting close
yet so tense
lost in words
burnt in touch
scared to feel
love as this
undoing
lost balance
this love feel
this chasm
she pretends
to kiss him
her eyes close
Elvis sings
from nearby
the song hurts
feels undone
makes her cry.
Benedict
thinks of her
Christina
the girlfriend
at high school
as he now
undresses
preparing
for bedtime
she far off
in her house
in her town
her parents
probably
below stairs
watching their
dull programmes
on TV
while she in
her bedroom
undresses
or so he
imagines
(in his head)
watching her
removing
each piece of
clothing
as he too
undresses
in his room
a coloured
centrefold
of a fast
racing car
on the wall
and her small
photograph
by his bed
she gave him
he'd seen her
on the field
at high school
during their
lunch recess
she sitting
with her friends
giggling
then walking
together
off alone
high smell of
lavender
her soft hand
lips kissing
now in bed
lying there
lights all out
just moonlight
reflecting
her image
he pretends
she is there
next to him
not speaking
not laughing
both watching
the moon move
and stars shine
hands touching
fingers entwined
each having
the same thoughts
in shared mind.