boyfriends

for the cheater

Everything in my life was so 

secure and now you went 

and fucked that all up for me. 

 

I was sober and doing fine 

Now you drive me to spark up, 

To drink up, 

Drowwwwwn my sorrows. 

You surfaced all of the evil in the world 

To my attention. 

You made me see the worst in everyone 

And I hate you for it. 

You say I'm the best thing that's ever happened you 

And that I lifted you up 

When you needed it most 

And what did you do for me? 

Try to drag me down to your level. 

I can't even comprehend 

Your close-mindedness, 

Your ignorance 

It's all beyond belief for me 

I cant understand how someone like you 

That I fell for 

Could turn out so stupid 

But I knew it from the start 

And I ignored it 

Because everyone said we were cute together 

But they were wrong 

Because our personalities clashed like no others. 

You're terrible you're awful 

And I could never tell this to your face because 

I can't hurt you like that, 

I can't stoop down to that level 

But I've never felt more of a need to Drag you back down 

After all I did to bring you up. 

You wasted it you wasted me 

I'm never coming back. 

 

That's the worst mistake you've made, 

You swapped a dime for two pennies 

Maybe more than two pennies

Maybe a handful for poor girls 

Didn't even know. 

They didn't even know 

Because you're evil you didn't tell the poor girls. 

Oh fuck you 

I wish all the harm in the world 

Upon you how could you 

How dare you 

Oh fuck you.

 

Now it's midnight and I still can't sleep

It's lunchtime and I still can't eat

Skipped breakfast, left my lunch in the brown paper bag

Never touched, never craved

Because you've still got me

Feeling nauseas 

Feeling sickened

Sick slimy grime

You're pollution, you're cancer

You're cigarettes to my lungs 

 

In the moment I didn't care much 

I thought I could brush it off

I didn't even like you much

Why is this feeling so fucking intoxicating

Save me from this 

This carcinogenic darkness

That you've inflicted upon me

How can you not be capable

Of thinking 

Deeply

Thinking of life with meaning

You are so shallow

So shallow

I'll never understand

 
Author's Notes/Comments: 

I made this right after the guy I was with cheated on me with 2 drunk hoes at a party and told them that I was totally okay with it (obviously not true)

"He's a Keeper"...fer sure!

Folder: 
Just a thought!

So, you think your back hat, phone texting, 2 am. sun glass wearin,

droopy drawer, booty call boy friend, wants you for
more than a free cheese burger and a roll in the hay?

  Well, you should deffinately trust him when he comes up with...

 "Baby, I ain't trin ta hear all dat...you knows I loves ya..."

  "Moonlight don't glow without you in it!..."

               "Now get me a beer and... what's for desert?" 

 

                                                          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ZAwZhRI4Vo

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

"Just a little late night, sarcastic, yet, Poetic humor"Tongue Out

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My Compass

Folder: 
2011

You are my one true north
No matter where you are
That is my north
You are my north star

I suppose that it has
Always been this way
I'm sure I always
Want this to stay

I can always find you
Just follow my heart
And there you are
No matter where I start

Even if you are south of me
I follow my heart, not my brain
And I always end up at your side
Its something I cannot explain

But I know I don’t want
It to ever change
Don’t you know that my
Feelings have been rearranged?

Yes, they have and put
You at north, this I know
And I think everyone can see
Because I always let it show

~Chrystal
Written on
December 22, 2011

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This one is for Tom Neville. I had this thought as I was walking to see him the one day, it was a thought that stayed in my head, even a few days later. So I wrote it out, and it came to be what you see. I love him with everything that makes me, me.

Perplexing Love Life

Folder: 
2011

At one time I was known as Aphrodite
Among other things
And I was a very good goddess,
If I do say so myself

I dated this one
All the while
I set myself on chasing
That one

And this was quite all right to me
Or I thought so
You can read back in my poems
And see a broken woman

All across the lines
I said that I found love
Then about six poems later
I hated that guy

And this was my life
All the way up until
The accident that seriously
Changed my life

I was all set on having one man
Get married, have kids, grow old
But all the while I am realizing,
I am still Aphrodite, in different form

I still have guys chasing me
But I do not use ‘love’ lightly
Not like I used to
That will not happen again

So when I told Brian I loved him
At that time I really meant it
But then he turned around and hurt me
Lost his Internet connection

And now we are at
Six months, half a fricken year
With no attempt at contact
So I said to hell with him

And moved on to the next guy
Scott was his name
We are still together
But now I am in a predicament

I find myself falling for another
One that I am sure dad doesn’t approve of
And now this is very perplexing
Because the one I’m with I know

Dad will love when he meets him
But the other one I am not so sure of
His looks, and our history
I highly doubt dad will approve of

But I am realizing that I’m thinking
About him every second of every day
He’s so sweet and considerate to me,
That in and of itself, means so much to me

I don’t know what I am to do
I know who I was, and who I still seem to be
This splits my head in two, till I have a headache
From trying to figure it all out

Sleep on it they all say,
Well I have, it don’t work
Because it has been a week
With no signs of figuring it out

Let it all go, and go with it,
Yeah that sounds good
If I knew one or the other
Would do the same thing

Well, not really, if they would
Just put it out there,
Wear they’re heart on there sleeve
And come out and say it

One has, but he can’t go through
With his feelings and come to me
The other one, I know what he feels
But he can’t say it, so what do I do?

Just wait for one or the other
To come and say, face to face
What he feels for me
That sounds fine but,

What am I to do in the mean time?
Leave little signs for the both of them
And see what they will do
That’s what I will do

~Chrystal
Written on
September 4, 2011

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This one was written about Scott and another I wont name. Not now. It was written about my confusion between the two men. Mind you, this was/is the longest poem I have written to date. If that tells of my confusion. =)

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Guys In My Life

Folder: 
2011

All my short life,
I have had guys
Who wanted me to marry them
Some of whom, told me lies

But all that did,
Was push me farther away
Each and every time
So never did I stay

There were some who
All they did was tell me how it is
Or supposed to be
I found myself detesting this

So I left him
I found someone else, another
But, he wouldn’t stop talking of the ex
So I left him too, just like the others

I kept looking and found nothing
But liars, thieves, and fakes
Then I had this accident
So I pulled up all my stakes

I looked all around, after this
Found again, the same types
As I kept looking I kept a list
And through their names I put strikes

And I re-found you
So you told me how you felt before
And that it hasn’t changed too much
Well, except the fact that it became more

But now that I found you,
I talked about it
So many times
That you said enough of it

Not in so many words,
Yet you still made the point clear
Had I caused the same aching in you
That so many others had caused in me, dear

And for that I am sorry
But, at least we’re still talking
And moving forward towards a
Trip, one to which I will give anything

To have, I am so interested in taking
I know I won’t be able to drive
But you’ll be coming to see, me
Which I am so thankful to be alive

We both will be able to have
A time so enchanting
Even though we can’t do it all
Like we were planning

To take trips throughout the state
But oh well, we still get to see each other
And that is the real point of the trip
To physically see one another

So I know, and you know
That this trip will be far from a disappoint
Because in the end we will be able
To see each other and that is the point

~Chrystal
Written on
August 4, 2011

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This was about/for Scott Wolf. How the guys in my past are just that, memories. And that I made my desision and they are gone; but as for Scott, he hasnt made the mistakes that they have and he will be around for a long while.

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Heart Thief

Folder: 
2011

He had a tight
Grip on my heart
I didn’t know it then, but
He had it from the start

Eight years ago
When I gave him my love
I gave him my entire heart
Was he sent from above?

I didn’t know it then,
How could I, back then?
That he would rescue me
From so many years of sin

Oh take me away
My dearest Scott
Give me your love just
The way I like it, hot

And when you’re done
I will proudly wear your ring
When that day comes
We both shall sing

~Chrystal
Written on
July 4, 2011

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This one was written to and about Scott Wolf. I am crossing my fingers on this, but hopefully he will become my husband, and father to our children.

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Without You

Folder: 
2011

Every day I wake up
With the hope you’ll be online
Fumbling through the day,
I go to sleep without you

And I know that it’s only for now
But everyday the depression worsens
As I don’t get to talk to you
But all this is just a person’s

Need to be near another person
Yet I know you are trying
To get everything in order
But all this is underlying

My need to be with you
And my want to hold you
Am I insane? Could I want a man
That will never be with me and still be true

No I highly doubt that
For the last ten years
He has wanted to be with me
With a passion so hot it sears

Both him and me, it does
Go to sleep without talking to you
I will, if that proves my love
And I do love you, so true

Yet this poem doesn’t have an end
Because I don’t want an end
Of you and I, and to you
All my love, to you, I send

~Chrystal
Written on
April 30, 2011

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This is another poem written to Bri. About how I am missing him so badly. Its like I literally gave him my heart, and now that we arent talking, it breaks more and deeper each day we spend not talking.

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My Love

Folder: 
2011

When I promised you
That I will love you till death came undone
I didn’t know that I would
Have to wait in the long run

Yet, all that made it clear to me
Wait for you I will, until you come down
And be with me that will be
The only time I lose my frown

So wait for you I will
If waiting means that I love you
Then I will wait forever for you
Because my love for you is true

Right now I am living in a shadow
Because the sun wont come out
It feels like I must yell for you to hear me
You have no way to communicate so all I can do is pout

And wait for you to come around
Because I know you will
I am content to wait for you
And you know that I will

~Chrystal
Written on
April 30, 2011

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This was written to Bri. I wrote it because its going on two months since we last talked, and i wrote this just to say that I love hm, and if waiting proves my love for him, then wait I will. I love you, Bri

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Privately Yours

Folder: 
2008

Lay down to sleep

I feel you

Holding me

Dreaming of you

 

Opening my eyes

I feel you

Stirring my heart

Lifting me up

 

Living this life

I feel you

Wanting what I want

Life with you

 

~Chrystal

Written on

December 4, 2008

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This one was written to Seven.

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