headaches

Throb

 

I've got a throb in my head.

I got a throb, oh I'm dead.

 

A throbbing pounding crazy screaming,
freaking squeeling bitch of a headache.

 

Ache.

It is really quite an ache.

Break.

It feels like it will break.

Break!

It's going to break.

Take.

I don't know how much I can take.

Take!

Take it and make it break.

 

It aches. It will break. Let me take.

Let me take all week long.

Let me take it all year long.

 

Bitch, you must make me take it, and make it break.

Make me take.
Take it.
You must. You must.
Make me take it.
Make me make it.

Make it far.

 

My head is throbbing.

And it's not stopping.

 

I need an aspirin.

If I can find an aspirin.

Will it help?

Maybe not.

Because I've got the headache from hell!

 

I need a quick fix to take away this.

And it's going to take a lot.

The throb is calling the shots.

 

It's so discustingly cosmic.

It's so sick, I need to vomit.

 

So deep in the distress.
It's a dizzying mess.

 

I've got a throb in my head.
I don't know what it is.
Or when, if I can even rid this miserable bitch.
I got a throb, oh I'm dead.
Yes, It's all in my head.

 

 

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Migraine

i'm locked into a battle with my own head.
the pain hides beneath my skull.
it pounds upon my brain with no mercy at all.
my eyes close to shut out the light.
i pray to God to help me with this fight.

i wake up hot and sweaty.
it is not the good kind.
the scent of illness lingers upon my flesh.
my fever burns me from the inside out.
i worry about the day ahead.
how am i to function this way?

i take a cold shower hoping to lower the heat of my skin.
i think i see steam coming off of my body.
i take the necessary medications.
i hope they are able to tame the monster in my head.
my body is till hot to the touch.
i curl up on my couch and cry praying for darkness.

i fall into a deep drug induced sleep.
my dreams are hazy, disturbed, and brief.
i awake to a sound of a horn.
the dog licks the salt from the tracks of my tears.
i slept two hours, but my brain still throbs.
the migraine is winning the war.

it takes all my remaining strength to get up.
i stumble to the sink to get some water to drink.
the days are longer when the pain is stronger.
i'm overwhelmed from this attack.
i manage to get upstairs and collapse.

i lie there staring at the wall.
the migraine is strangling my brain.
i close my eyes and try to focus.
i utter one sentence, God help me!
finally, i drift away into the solace of sleep.

it's 2am now and i have awoken feeling better.
i take another cold shower.
the fever is gone, but the migraine desperately hangs on.
the pain is now dull.
it is a welcomed change.

i thank God for the relief.
i can see the light at the end of this excruciating tunnel.
i smile a little bit at myself in the mirror.
my migraines and i have a long ugly history.

it's not my friend, but a bitter enemy.
one day i had hoped to be free of them.
the years have showed me otherwise.
i know now they come and go as they damn well please!

Perplexing Love Life

Folder: 
2011

At one time I was known as Aphrodite
Among other things
And I was a very good goddess,
If I do say so myself

I dated this one
All the while
I set myself on chasing
That one

And this was quite all right to me
Or I thought so
You can read back in my poems
And see a broken woman

All across the lines
I said that I found love
Then about six poems later
I hated that guy

And this was my life
All the way up until
The accident that seriously
Changed my life

I was all set on having one man
Get married, have kids, grow old
But all the while I am realizing,
I am still Aphrodite, in different form

I still have guys chasing me
But I do not use ‘love’ lightly
Not like I used to
That will not happen again

So when I told Brian I loved him
At that time I really meant it
But then he turned around and hurt me
Lost his Internet connection

And now we are at
Six months, half a fricken year
With no attempt at contact
So I said to hell with him

And moved on to the next guy
Scott was his name
We are still together
But now I am in a predicament

I find myself falling for another
One that I am sure dad doesn’t approve of
And now this is very perplexing
Because the one I’m with I know

Dad will love when he meets him
But the other one I am not so sure of
His looks, and our history
I highly doubt dad will approve of

But I am realizing that I’m thinking
About him every second of every day
He’s so sweet and considerate to me,
That in and of itself, means so much to me

I don’t know what I am to do
I know who I was, and who I still seem to be
This splits my head in two, till I have a headache
From trying to figure it all out

Sleep on it they all say,
Well I have, it don’t work
Because it has been a week
With no signs of figuring it out

Let it all go, and go with it,
Yeah that sounds good
If I knew one or the other
Would do the same thing

Well, not really, if they would
Just put it out there,
Wear they’re heart on there sleeve
And come out and say it

One has, but he can’t go through
With his feelings and come to me
The other one, I know what he feels
But he can’t say it, so what do I do?

Just wait for one or the other
To come and say, face to face
What he feels for me
That sounds fine but,

What am I to do in the mean time?
Leave little signs for the both of them
And see what they will do
That’s what I will do

~Chrystal
Written on
September 4, 2011

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This one was written about Scott and another I wont name. Not now. It was written about my confusion between the two men. Mind you, this was/is the longest poem I have written to date. If that tells of my confusion. =)

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