adoption

My Only Regret

Folder: 
Life

Hush now child

do not be afraid

for I will love you

until the end of my days.

then I will wait 

for you in the heaven

I prey that God

will let me live in.

because I love you

more than you know

I've watched you live

I've watched you grow.

you are my child

never forget

giving you up 

is my only regret. 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I have never had nor lost a child but this simply came to mind and I felt I had to share it. Hopefully I do the topic some justice and, as always, I hope you enjoyed reading it. 

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Sent Away Again

Little girl,

crying as she is sent away.

 

Sent away yet again.

 

Sent away from the place

where she has been for weeks.

 

The place she thought she

might finally fit in.

 

 

But she was wrong.

 

So now she's leaving again.

 

 

She can't find the place,

HER place,

the place where she belongs!

 

She's searching,

forever searching,

for the one place she will be loved.

 

 

She's searching,

forever searching,

for her forever home!

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Dedicated to the more than 400,000 children in foster care.

Please let me know what you think!

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Benevolent Nebula

Lost and confused, yet daring and bold,
Silly and innocent at 14 years old,
Devoid of a mother, dreaming of a lover,
With closed mind and open heart, not a clue of where to start,
Aimless, wandering towards an abyss,
Missed four months of menses, from a prison-bound kiss.
Paralyzed, fearsome of taking account,
The cost I would pay, was a lifetime amount,
Destined, without a goodbye from a soul,
The rug pulled out from under, lost...no control,
A baby is born to a child alone,
In a frightening place, a cold hospital zone,
No one is present to hold her cold hands,
Sneers and contempt, nurses scoff and demand.
Life is preserved, but a spark inside dies,
Questions unanswered, at best she's told lies,
Darkness ensues and becomes her befriended,
Adoption is evident, this journey is ended,
But then it's unfinished, more searching to do,
A marriage, a carriage, some wine, a corkscrew,
A nose of cocaine and a fist full of weed,
To fill up and cover the pain...with godspeed

Years of self loss and a belly of rum,
It's been 10 years gone by, my Lord...this is not fun.
Cleaning it up feels as good as can be,
At 35 years old...wondering where the hell's me?
When you're sure what is missing can never be found,
Never think that your past won't come sneaking around.
So the child now 20, finally we greeted,
Surreal as it was, neither one of us were cheated,
Babies are born in the world to be free,
They belong to no one...not you, not me,
I will never forget you, nor how we did feel,
You said you felt 'whole', I say, 'finally real'.
Scattered and fragile, like menageries of glass,
Treasure life's memories, however deep the crevasse,
We can all become vicitms of loss in this world,
How we choose to accept it, savored, or hurled,
Weaves the fiber of all future bloodlines to come,
You can let go the line, or bridge the chasm.
People will be who they are, leave them be,
Some only awaken when it's too late to see,
Love is intriguing, some think it's a fad,
Some want just good things, they deny the bad,
I never regretted a moment of mine,
Good, bad, indifferent, it's been sweet and sublime,
Grateful for everythng, how could I miss?
My dark side was what guided me into my bliss.

 

 

Copyright 2013 ©

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Part of my road towards living my truth. This is more about adoption in the 70s than it is about me.

To-My Mother

Folder: 
Mother Poems

To my mother,
who took me in,
when my birth mother,
was taken away.

To my mother,
who made me her own,
and raised me in a way I'd never know
if I had stayed with my birth mother.

When I was born,
I couldn't breathe
since I was born
three months premature.

I was put onto a ventilator,
in intensive care for several weeks.
And through all this time,
I sorta belonged to the government.

When I was eighteen months old,
I finally got adopted by my mother,
she was my foster parent, too!
So we already had a bond.

Thank you mom,
for taking me in,
and being the one
to take care of me!

For being the one to tuck me in,
to show me love,
and teach me what is right
from what is really wrong!

I love you mom,
and to think that
you took me in
as a single parent!

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This poem is dedicated to my Mom. Thank you mom! Because of you, I wasn't placed with an abusive parent. I love you mom!

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Adopted

Folder: 
My thoughts

I’m adopted,
Got a second chance,
Second chance at family.

Wouldn’t have been
Able to be
Living the life I was meant to be.

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This time

This time around,
I will be the mom I wanted to be. 
I'll be there for all the milestones
I'll leave behind the years of bitterness and learn to be happy.

This time around
I'll be the one to dry the tears,
Watch as you grow bigger each day,
Calm all of your fears. 

This time around,
I'll watch as my baby learns to walk.
I'll catch her if she falls,
I'll be there when she learns to talk.

I'll be there the first time she goes to school,
I'll be there when her heart breaks for the first time around,
I'll be there on her wedding day,
And I will be there should her dreams come crashing to the ground.

And someday I mwill tell her of her sister who has always crossed my mind,
I'll make up to her all the things I couldn't do for you,
I'll give her all the love I saved in my heart.
I'll be the mom I always wanted to.

And this time around no one will take my baby away and tell me I can't be it's mom.
No one will tell me I am too young to try,
This time around birthdays will be happy times of joy and love,
Never a time to morn and cry.

Almost 17 years have passed,
And always you were in  my thoughts never far from my mind.
I loved you then, I love you now,
But this time around I won't be so blind.

I love you my daughter I gave away,
I have lived with so many regrets and tears.
I never believed I would get another chance,
Now, this time around, with the new baby growing inside me, at last I will make up for all the lost years.

 

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