Benevolent Nebula

Lost and confused, yet daring and bold,
Silly and innocent at 14 years old,
Devoid of a mother, dreaming of a lover,
With closed mind and open heart, not a clue of where to start,
Aimless, wandering towards an abyss,
Missed four months of menses, from a prison-bound kiss.
Paralyzed, fearsome of taking account,
The cost I would pay, was a lifetime amount,
Destined, without a goodbye from a soul,
The rug pulled out from under, lost...no control,
A baby is born to a child alone,
In a frightening place, a cold hospital zone,
No one is present to hold her cold hands,
Sneers and contempt, nurses scoff and demand.
Life is preserved, but a spark inside dies,
Questions unanswered, at best she's told lies,
Darkness ensues and becomes her befriended,
Adoption is evident, this journey is ended,
But then it's unfinished, more searching to do,
A marriage, a carriage, some wine, a corkscrew,
A nose of cocaine and a fist full of weed,
To fill up and cover the pain...with godspeed

Years of self loss and a belly of rum,
It's been 10 years gone by, my Lord...this is not fun.
Cleaning it up feels as good as can be,
At 35 years old...wondering where the hell's me?
When you're sure what is missing can never be found,
Never think that your past won't come sneaking around.
So the child now 20, finally we greeted,
Surreal as it was, neither one of us were cheated,
Babies are born in the world to be free,
They belong to no one...not you, not me,
I will never forget you, nor how we did feel,
You said you felt 'whole', I say, 'finally real'.
Scattered and fragile, like menageries of glass,
Treasure life's memories, however deep the crevasse,
We can all become vicitms of loss in this world,
How we choose to accept it, savored, or hurled,
Weaves the fiber of all future bloodlines to come,
You can let go the line, or bridge the chasm.
People will be who they are, leave them be,
Some only awaken when it's too late to see,
Love is intriguing, some think it's a fad,
Some want just good things, they deny the bad,
I never regretted a moment of mine,
Good, bad, indifferent, it's been sweet and sublime,
Grateful for everythng, how could I miss?
My dark side was what guided me into my bliss.

 

 

Copyright 2013 ©

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Part of my road towards living my truth. This is more about adoption in the 70s than it is about me.

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SSmoothie's picture

Brilliant the rhymes

Brilliant the rhymes everything the rhythm the content was a class! Wonderful, tugged my heart strings!hugss 


Don't let any one shake your dream stars from your eyes, lest your soul Come away with them! -SS    

"Well, it's life SIMS, but not as we know it" - ¡$&am

nightlight1220's picture

Thx SSmoothie <3 !!

Thx SSmoothie <3 !!


...and he asked her, "do you write poetry? Because I feel as if I am the ink that flows from your quill."

"No", she replied, "but I have experienced it. "

 

Lovethatred's picture

Yes indeed I do understand! 

Yes indeed I do understand!  The distance between my daughter and I is beyond repair BUT....I am okay with it now.  Too long I felt everything was all my fault for one reason or another, I begged, I pleaded I done stupid things...whatever she wished trying to make things better....well...it didn't.  When the final straw was broken and the last button was pushed this huge (and I mean very huge) light went off finally showing me the final act was over and the fat lady sang her song.  What relief!  What joy!  Just might be another poem just because of that.  I enjoy reading your writes along with others, you all are so talented, I know what I want to say but it sometimes takes awhile for the words to group together saying what I wish them to convey.  Keep writing!


Susan Bressman

nightlight1220's picture

thx. I thought you'd have the

thx. I thought you'd have the wisdom to understand. Smile we cannot do any better than our best. <3

~peace~


...and he asked her, "do you write poetry? Because I feel as if I am the ink that flows from your quill."

"No", she replied, "but I have experienced it. "