Cruel repos

Quelle étrange mélodie surgit dans mon âme?

Combien harmonieuse, mais que tant je méprise,

-Une lueur noire, à l’aube de ma demise...

Jouée par l’instrument ultime qu’est ta lame.

Le voile sombre de la souffrance recouvre

Mon coeur, ablati par la flamme qui brûlait

En nous; un paysage de glace en retrait

À présent, si violemment détruit par la foudre.

Retraçant nos pas dans les cendres déjà froides,

Je m’enfonce dans un passé sous les décombres,

Royaume de douleur et de toutes ses ombres.

Sinistré par cette hantante sérénade,

Je m’en vais dormir dans mon chéri mausolée;

Au fin fond de la nuit, masqué par sa beauté.

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Tainted Blood

Prick me and I bleed,

A blood colored with disease.

I can breathe in your desperate plea,

because you everything I think I need.

There's a million sleeping me's

inside this little girl body.

I am lucky just to be,

instead of drowning in your toxic sea.

Off of my vitality you feed,

sprouting upwards like a tree.

All from the blood I bleed,

that is tainted with disease.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

You drank so deeply from me,
that you sucked the light out of my heart.

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i am inflicted with pain

not from my familair blade...

but from you and all the things you did

from you and your life

your choices

your sorry act that you called love

i looked up to you because you were my sister

at least i thought you were my sister

but that was a long time ago...

so i sit inflicted with pain that you caused...

that only you caused.

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It’s throbbing, my mind racing wildly

It’s bleeding, it’s seeping locked inside my head

So cold, I shiver

Nothing to keep me affectionate

So dark, I quiver

Everything turned to powder

Escaping the brutality of loneliness

I cried the lonely tears

Rapidly shifting somewhere new

Pieces of me broke off

Swinging it all away

Sickened and beaten down blue

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nobody wnats to talk to me words unspoken

nobody wnats to be with me,mirrors broken

im what u never wnat to be,and ill never be open

im invisable

you dont wanna see me

im invisable uncurable

you wouldnt wanna be me

nobody wnats to look at me,ugly as hell

nobody wnats to care for me,still in this shell

and you wouldnt care to see,just as well

Author's Notes/Comments: 

just my insecurities in a song

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Old Poems

I'm horrible I'm mean I'm depressed I'm stupid thats what they say

But they dont know how I feel all day

No ones there I always take the blame

People only see my shame

I try my best to do the right thing believe me

But they dont make it any easier trying to be all friendly

But I'm horrible I'm mean I'm depressed I'm stupid thats what they say

And I know that I'm not okay

I need help I know I do

But there is no one who will be true

To really listen and not say a word

Who wont grow tired of me or get bored

I'm horrible I'm mean I'm depressed I'm stupid thats what they say

And they are all right I am what they say

I'm the worst no one believes in me anymore I've let down everyone

Now look who I am at this person I've become  

Author's Notes/Comments: 

My teenage years were full of insecurities, and I am so glad to have found confidence. I would love to read what you think of these old poems from my once depressed soul.

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Old Poems

I smile so big when i hear your voice

but forgiving you was the wrong choice

you havent changed at all

but i know you will catch me if I fall

because i know you love me and always will

everyhting was going great until

you went back into that person again

i forgot all about him look how long its been

since you yelled and cussed in the wrong ways

brought back memories of the old days

and it scared me to death

at that moment i wanted to take my last breath

move on to a better place

in heaven why stay on earth if this is the case

just know that I love you dad even though you keep doing this to me

even if i never see you again you'll always be my daddy

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I wrote this for my dad he was a drunk but got better but i know he hasnt changed and now im actualy glad my parents got a divorse i do miss my dad though i wish i could see him more

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Hope You're Happy

closet boxes 2008

The empty thoughts of years of love

all more then thoughts of loss

to see you standing next to me

to know the steepened cost.

To know that nothing can be said

for you don't care no more

to know that you may never have

it rocks me to the core.

Remembering long moments past

like ghosts of empty days

trying to make it better

but lacking all the words to say.

And glad that you have moved along

and found your hearts content

despite the pain within my heart

your happiness I meant.

I miss you so much I could cry

and do at random times

but I hope your happy where you are

and I hope that i'll be fine.

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Sad and beautiful Ede

Your sorrow is the earth's plan

Set out in sullen skys lit

With your morose name on it

Like a fragile scarlet rose

You grow in graves and out of sadness

Like a torch you flicker in the gravity

Of impermanence

I want to hug her from the inside

and let her know how much ive missed her

And feel her pain instead of her

My sweet and beautiful sister

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