Pain/Sorrow

Untitled -- 4.12.2008

Folder: 
2008 Poems

Staring at the shadows on the wall,

Eyes lost in thought.



Can't bear to look at the mirror,

See the reflection staring back.



Who is he?

Why can't he ever let himself feel?

Always hiding,

always crying.

Yet no one ever sees that far down.



Here he is,

Alone in the room,

four walls closing in.



Suffocation,

The window is the only escape.

Six floors are enough to kill him,

if the knife doesn’t reach his heart first.



Falling slowly,

Cool wind gently touching the skin.

A light breeze,

The final taste of life.



The intoxicating smell,

Fog and night,

Circle in around him.



Yet he can’t feel it,

He can’t smell it,

He can’t taste it.



For he is to numb,

For the price to kill the pain,

Is you miss out on everything entirely.



The sounds blur in the distance,

The taste lost upon a senseless tongue.

The smell never reaches him.

Eyes glazed over,

Sleep takes hold.



Yet his grip remains strong,

And his mind always on.



Crying on the inside,

But smiling to the world.

No one guesses,

No one knows,

No one would understand.



Here he is,

On the verge of the fall,

The news reaches the rest,

But no one really cares.



Constantly yearning,

Always searching,

Yet he doesn’t know what he’s looking for.



He won’t let himself find,

What he yearns for the most.



To scared to give in,

Admit what he felt.



To scared to take risks,

Just accepts the pain.



Life,

To him,

Means simply existing.

Never going farther,

Never getting what he wants.



Just waiting for it to fall in his lap.

And even then,

He’d sooner throw it away,

Then realize what it means.



So here he is,

Lying down for one more night.



The sounds of cars in the distance,

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Behind The Mask

Folder: 
Michaels poems

Stumbling.. wandering through the darkness alone,

grasping for something,anything,

reaching out,longing for someone.

Bitter cold.. all encompassing.

A soul afraid.. crying out in the night.



True beauty,

scarred.. hidden by the sufferings of the past,

a heart soiled, a spirit fractured.

The emptiness,

the need to be.. a mask.



Here i am.. look at me,

hold me.. love me.. want me.

A brief respite,

a moments relief from the pain,

suddenly, the mask shatters.. the peace no more.



Continuing.. so tired,

one shatters.. another replaces,

the never ending facade.

True Joy.. Happiness.. Peace,

always at a distance, forever out of reach...



When hiding behind the mask.

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Vile

I close my eyes to feel you again,

Opening them to see you gone

Like the silent whisper in the wind

The restless sleep comforts me



Reaching out to to hold a hand,

A hand that was never there.

Straining to see a face,

A face that that would quickly fade



I shut myself off to feel you...

Opening up to an empty closure

Like a warm feeling of a cold hand...

A soulless body saved me.



Hoping and believing in faith

A faith that was betrayed

Fighting for a feeling...

A feeling that was never there.

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Tired

Folder: 
2008 Poems

I'm tired of walking around this stage,

Tired of the lights in my eyes.



I'm tired of the act.

Tired of pretending I'm not falling apart.



Tired of hiding in the disaster.

Not letting anyone see past my eyes.



I hide it so well,

No one would guess,

No one really sees,

The disaster below this skin.



I'm a walking bomb.

Slowly ticking down to the day I explode.



Anger and rage,

Consuming the inside.



An empty shell,

Acting like something’s left beneath.



I fuck up every night.

One more mistake,

One more screw up,

To add to the book of my life.



When can I do anything write.

Always pissing off friends,

Pissing off Professors,

Pissing off myself.



Always something,

Yet it’s nothing good.

Never is there a good story on the news.



Never do you see me smile without trying.

Never do you see me living,

Without struggling.



Falling back to the person I once was.

Slowly dying,

Slowly failing.



Falling deeper and deeper,

This dark hole,

It consumes my mind,

It consumes my life.



Numb with drink,

Blurry with smoke.



Yet the pain reaches back,

And yanks me out of the daze.



Wash it away,

Vodka stings the throat,

As hands slowly strangle the breath from me.



No one understands,

Can't talk to anyone.

They won’t get it.



Some stupid fucked up kid,

Some suburban fag.

Shouldn't be complaining.



He's got it made,

A car,

The family that loves him,

The money to pay for things...

Why is he so pissed off?

Why does he hate the world?



Why do I hate everything good around me?





Tried to break through these chains,

Cut through my legs to escape,

But I’m still here.



Blood spilling onto the floor,

I can’t walk anymore.





Look through the window.

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Friend or foe?

Is she Friend or foe?

Will i ever know?

Is that truth in her eyes or lies?

will she teach me to love or despise?



Will her true nature shine through

In time?

Or is this trust problem a dysfunction of mine?

I find it so hard to relate because the last one i loved

Turned my affection to hate.



Can i be cured of this cancer mistrust?

or is it simply too late?



To simplify this

all in all

I'm terrified in case i fall.

I'm scared to fall in love.

I fall so fast and every time i fall it never seems to last.



My mistrust will keep me from pain,

And stop me from falling again.

My heart will lie still by my own strength of will.

and i will not suffer in vain.


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I Am Not Safe

I am not safe from my demons

That which I've seen still haunts me

The wounds I have still bleed

The pain from that strike still fresh

My cheeks are still wet from the tears shed

What can I do about this?

I stand naked and bare before you

I try to cover myself to save my dignity

The one thing I have left

But it is no use

All hope is lost

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The Rising Tension

The pains still remains

It's here to remind me

that I've not been

dreaming



Soundless screams

and a numb feeling

Sweet silence

The rising tension



Still I feel

it moving inside

With a mighty force

exploring



The tension is rising

but the pain subsiding

Untouched flesh

A dream no more

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Her House

You’re stood upon the precipice, gonna take the sacred plunge

Gonna dive into her mind, gonna see what you can find,

A mind made up in townhouse style, a floor for each event

Of trials, tribulations and memories long spent.



Downstairs, the basement, a kindergarten room,

Awash with screams of joy,

The innocence of childhood, no fears would dare destroy.

Naivety, exuberance, precipitating youth,

A manic state of anarchy, through learning, play and truth.



Upstairs, the bedrooms, the dens of teenage angst,

A silent floor of hormone change, but little or no thanks.

Where she develops her own ID, a full three-fold attack,

Spiritual, Emotional and physical, it's where her dreams are at

For these formative years, mould her mind and body set

But are riddled with self-doubt, demons she can't forget.

Someone took her took her childhood days, and pressed her faith so hard,

She's lost her will to trust, wounds cut by cuts of shards.



And then there is the attic: An eclectic mix of things,

Of joyous memories and happy days

Tied up with coloured strings.

But then there are the ghosts, of scars she cannot heal

They're in the locked up trunks, never to reveal

Until the doubts come flooding back, a trigger always set,

a smell, a sound or vision, these fears are never met.

For whilst she hides them well enough, they always find a hole,

And creep out unexpectedly, and torture her lost soul.



You know she hurts, deep down inside, and no-one can appease,

The help of friends and allies, must fill her heart with glee,

For there is nothing more precious, than friendship, love and hope,

To make her life complete, her dreams far less remote.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Stolen Innocence. Found Friendship.

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Forever Yours

Folder: 
Love? Answers?

My heart beats

Pounding

At everything you do and say

Beating, For you



Pain is just another feeling

Another thing that brings me to you

The one thing I can't have

The one thing I want



Love was just a cover up for you

I gave you all I had

I gave you what meant the most

You are no longer what you were



Things will never be the same again

You say you'll leave

She will too

Its happened all before



I pour my soul out to you

I'm hit with a slap accross the face

The pain lingers

It has lingered



It won't end

I'm going off the edge

Nothing I can do but wait

See how things go



I was the only one to love you

At least the way I did

The only one you have claimed who did

I can only sit and wait



You will realize...

That its all true

Me being the only one

Until then I sit and wait



I will sit and wait patiently

Forget all this has happened

You'll forget in time

Thats how it will be



We will sit and see

See what happens

I can only hope you will realize

I am the one to love you

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This is I guess a clear indication of how I feel about someone/something....I hope it could get through to them....-Bye

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