Pain/Sorrow

Again and Again

Folder: 
First Love

So here I am again

Telling you waht you already know

This pain is killing me

I just can't let you go



So here I am again

Staying up late because I cannot sleep

I'm tossing and turning again

Why do I care so much and let feelings run so deep?



So here I am again

Writing these damn poems about you

I can't give up hope, even if I wanted

Promise me that we can see it through



So here I am again

In your arms tonight

Falling asleep to your heartbeat

If this is wrong, why does it feel so right?



So here I am again

I'm wondering how you feel

I'm unsure of what to do or say

I hope you want this to be real

Author's Notes/Comments: 

07/02/04

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Forlorn

Folder: 
From 2008 and on

Our love was essential

Passion was plentiful

Lost time is consequential

And heartache monumental



And you were so stubborn

And sometimes pretentious

And it left me so forlorn

And I felt conscientious



(Chorus)

But every day, I close my eyes and pray

Wishing we had a chance, maybe one more dance

Then you could look in my eyes, and see past the lies

That my mouth wants to tell, cuz it knows them so well



My heart is so broken

Because things go unspoken

And my heart like a drain

Keeps on pouring the pain



But it has been filled

And it's gonna spill

Yeah, I can't be whole

Damn that self control

(Repeat chorus, "And, everyday, I...")



My emotions so pitiful

And you make a mockery

But it'd be meaningful

If only your heart could see



That now I have spoken

And I am so vulnerable

And I am so broken

  Does hope make me gullible?



And now I have spoken

And I've battled the storm

But my mast is battered

And my sail is tattered

And I'm sailing forlorn

Through the heart of the storm

Wishing I was,... in your arms...

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I had just gotten done listening to STAIND and 32Leaves (bands) when I wrote this so in my head a guy is singing this. 8/28/08

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It Takes Something...

It takes something special

to be able to make me smile

at the drop of a wink...



it takes something amazing

to be able to force out the dark

that is enveloping the way that I think



it takes something close to a miracle

to take this heart away from me

and make it your own...



and it takes someone incredible

for me to let down my guard

and leave my insides shown...



It takes something terrible

to know that you do

all of this to me



it takes something horrible

to use that against me

as a disability



it takes something so awesome

with its absolute power

over all that is in me



And it takes someone conniving

to twist that power

and utterly kill me...

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Scars

Folder: 
Poems

You can see them on the outside
This one was by fire tried and true
This one; a knife in anger; who knew
A razor blade seduction was the cause of these you see
They tell stories of pain and pleasure
The deepest reside within your soul
Tearing apart the flesh until the final moment
When it is too much it must be realized
Inner pain is traded for outer as the cycle starts
The drug is the razor
The pain; is you.

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Not all Scars are visible.

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Insain

I think I've done it.

I think I've gone insain.

Yep I've finally done it.

I think its kinda lame.

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self inflicted pain

I dont know why I do it.

Its like I have no controll.

I watch the blood.

This crazy shit.

I wish i hadn't done.

Self inflicted pain.

There is no reason for it.

Its just a stupied game

that i happen to play.

Its hurts a lil now.

But i'll get over it.

I wish I could stop it.

Can someone tell me how.

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A struggle for life.

Each night is a struggle for life.

All I see is blood and knifes.

I want so much to tell someone,

of all the things that I have done.

Of all this pain that I feel.

Its almost as if its not even real.

I like to think that that is true,

as the blood drips to my shoe.

I wish to walk away from this.

But I can't forget whats on my wrist.

Each night is a struggle for life.

All I see is blood and knifes.

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Hellearth

Folder: 
Thought For Food

we're all going to hell

we're all already there

cooking in this melting pot

that just won't stir



we're all bo'ling and cold

we're all luke warm

soaking in this waiting broth

we don't absorb



the spices are on the table

the Kill is waking up

looking for some friends

knowing it's not enough



we're all on vacation

one way ticket in hand

waving goodbye to paradise

diving..at dusk



we're all so'ling ourselves

we're all so warm

soaking in what we won't tell

and don't ask keep face



the patient is on the table

the baby water broke

holding it in, are hands

thinking it's not enough



maybe it's not what we want



this is a front page story

pushed to the back

then edited it all out

blacklisted author



the message is in the cable

it's trapped between space

passing off as thoughts

knowing it's not enough



maybe it's what we want,

but it's not what i want



you're all going to hell

i'm already there

calling on melting pot

that just won't stir


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Living Hell

The darkness of hell,

The ring of fire,

The soals that burn,

The life to desrire...



The burning smell,

Of fleshen skin,

The bone they shutter,

Of burning sins...



The rivers of blood,

Day's and night,

the soals that wells,

Seeking the light...



The place they call,

The devils tumb,

They never let go,

Forever they're doomed.....

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