PostPoems Be Artistic. Be Creative. Be Inspired!

People think I’m crazy when I have two jobs, and think that it is wrong of me to take a day off from my full time job. That it is all on me that I do this and all. But in reality, they do not understand the truth. 

People are always judging the book cover rather then the contents. They do not understand what really happens within the book chapters or the story. 

Reason I work a lot is because if I stay home, I will fall asleep all day. I understand for some that is not a bad problem; but for others it is.  And since living alone, boredom gets to me bad. Yea, i could go “out” and unborn me... but to where? Mall...been there. Movies...been there. Parks....yes & no (especially not when it is cold out).  

What other people do not understand, is that I have anxiety (and some depression)... so going out is a challenge for me as well. Which is why I rather work then to going out out. With this “mental” issue, if I were to stay home...then I’d nap all day. Which I do not want to get into that habit again (used to take 3 hour naps).

Social gatherings? Yea, I could do that as well. But when you are an adult in my age (sector), it is harder to make new friends as well. Yea, there are social media gatherings for meet-ups... which I used to do when Yahoo! Chat was still a thing. But it was a struggle for me. 

Part of the issues was growing up when friends (so I thought they were) didn’t want to meet up/hang out because I lived “too far away”...yep, I was told this once (when I was a teen in HS) or they went away for the weekend or “their” idea was better, but not mine (and in college). So a lot of the times I gave up hanging out with people even though I still want to. Now most are either too busy or I am too busy or something is up (not that it is a bad thing, but I respect those who have families). 

As we grow older, our “friend group” gets smaller than from when we were kids. Which is why I have Facebook, Instagram, etc... to keep in touch with some friends; even if I don’t hang out with them since they are indeed too far. And even then, unknown if we would though due to different schedules. 

Just trying to explain to love ones or friends all this....I know they are there for me. But to what end? Do I need to quit a job to see them? Do I need to move on? I’m not much of reading books, because I will fall asleep (always have); my anxiety hits each time I want to “go out” and explore new places & ideas and laziness hits me. So, I rather work sometimes rather then be bored all the time. 

And then I re-question life and the cycle goes around again. I question:

Who am I? Why am I here? Who are we? Who are they? What do you want? 

This world of ice
Forged in frozen sheets
Layer upon layer
So many attempts to thaw
Daily melting
Hidden tears, weeping alone
Drip from the tips
Of every cycle formed
Crying out, wishing to remain
And finally end the pain
But it’s hard to move

In the cold
For the days are short

The sun sets again
The lonely frost

Once more sweeps in
And progress that was made to flow
Turns once again to ice and snow

Leaving nothing to hold

In the chill of this night
But a faint hope
That perhaps tomorrow
I’ll finally find courage

In a silent moment

Of light and warmth of sun
And turn to you

And finally say...
I'm sorry

Fill up room with haze.

Morals are just a phase.

Trust is all the same.

Leave it to the waste.

Dreamt of all the ways.

Thoughts have passed away.

Scream til black and grey.

Faded with the days.

Everytime I've tried.

Your heart won't bugde a mile.

Just won't slip away.

I need it to behave.

Think of all the ways.

Your smile can make me go insane.

Whenever you call my name.

I'll send with so much haste.

I'd hope you'd do the same.

i am the scarecrow,

because i hold the scare,

i can be your fantasy

turned into nightmare,

i've been serrated and shattered,

my eyeballs are clocks,

they threw my brains in a trashcan,

and so i've stolen your thoughts,

my torso's in a lake somewhere

and my arms lit on fire,

oh, i don't want to be the scarecrow

but truth is, i'm just a liar,

i could run to you slow motion,

and walk along the ocean,

but poor me i'm deranged,

i could think i'd be winkin'

if my armpits weren't stinkin'

oh, i wish i had a brain!

wouldn't have to play the advocate

of these devils so dam* adamant 

if i only hadda brain!!! 

8:00 AM 7/9/2013  ©

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nauLgZISozs.............

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Quietly, he kept all night
So that none could find
His eyes which often drifted
Toward my corner of the room

I took him as arrogant in youth
His mannerisms which disgusted
And his remarks which stung
Left me with a tainted view

Until one day he did send word
Dinner, he asked, would I attend
Curiosity did curb my disdain
And so I sent word that I would

An evening of rhetoric unmatched
Wits set against wits, stubborn
He with his quiet rebuttals
I, finding a louder defense

And when dinner was done
How he took my hand
So that I may not trip myself
But I stumbled over words

It would appear as if we
Two separated by birthright
Should find ourselves matched
In every way imaginable

We reached the door of my home
He kissed my hand then
And sent my heart into a flutter
Not allowing me to release him

Slowly, I ascended the steps
Watching him follow, slowly
He lit the candles all around
I read the poems of my past

A night spent in the dim lighting
Small kisses shared to keep warm
Until finally the red sun rose
And there he was sleeping, quietly.