#relationships

I guess sometimes love just dies

Have I killed it? When I struggled for so long to grasp it, had it for so brief a time that I barely can name it now--was it my lack that sunk it into nothing? And now it comes to friends again, though you had been the one chasing me when I told you that you would make me love you and then leave me there heartbroken. What about me or us makes less seem more? Why would you want to go back to the vagueness of 'just friends' after having the vibrancy of what we can be? It's that pain of soured things that haunts me now. It comes in how I know we should work so well and yet we haven't. In how you understand me but are so wrong when you think I want to change you. A year ago I laughed at those who lost love and said it was the worst in the world, because in all the hurts and pain how could that be the greatest? I understand now that that knife of knowing you inspired something in someone and then lost it makes the sun seem dull and your life like slavery. For all that I want, I cannot make those feelings return in you, though you have made me crave them. I cannot even make you explain. Instead you hide behind your 'I don't know's and make me feel worse in knowing im not worth enough to warrant an explanation. We talk now, trying to bring it back, and its all one sided and shallow. You say it won't work and what's the point. I know you're wrong, I know it! But I can't make you know it as I do. Perhaps what was there is just gone. Perhaps it has been gone a while, and no one heard the echo in the empty spaces until now. I guess sometimes love just dies.

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a life lesson

i sit here thinking of everything we have been through

the good, the bad, the happy, and the sad.

no matter what we stayed by eachothers side.

 

there is no one to fully blame for why we've parted ways,

however that is not what i wanted, i needed us to stay.

 

i confided in you with things that no one knew,

there were things that i told you first before anyone else.

 

you became my bestfriend before my lover,

and now im left with just a memory of what once was.

 

i forgave you for the wrongs that you did, 

i stood by your side no matter what.

but i supposed when a person has enough, they are done.

 

im not easy to be with.

im stubborn, i pick fights for no reason,

im no where near perfect.

ive told you before that our relationship was simply

perfectly imperfect.

 

i imagined a future for us, 

getting over the drama thats current,

and getting closer and loving eachoher the way we used to.

 

maybe im just a dreamer,

i choose to ignore the reality of situations.

 

maybe that has lead me to where i am... 

alone.

 

i know that its over now because youve had enough.

im sorry that it had to end, but i will always love you.

you will always be my first true love.

 

it doesnt matter how many bad times we have had over the years,

nor will it ever matter.

i will always remember the good times that we shared.

 

i will no longer hope for a future with you,

and hope to start a family with you.

 

because now i know,

when its over...

its over.

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A Soul For Mine

I came to coat my dark insides
in starch white walls and watchful eyes
void of hopes, dreams pushed aside
I stared only at the veins I drained each night
Left only with the bitter taste
of watching all I'd loved go up in flames
I cared not to know your name
and what had brought you to this place
but there you were, always in my brain
You were light and I a moth
try as I might to shake you off
always resting on the tip of my tongue
frightening, foreign words like "love"
Here I was a giddy fool
love is child's play in a world so cruel 
and for you to love a soul so torn?
All I could offer you was my inevitable grave to mourn
But there you stood night and day
until my throat dried up of words to say
my soul molding to yours like clay
there in your heart I found a place to stay
a place to spend the rest of my no longer
miserable days.

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