Parenthood

Here & Gone

Folder: 
Parenthood

 

 

Here & Gone

 

 

 

Overfull days, ring with "Shh!", "Don't!" and "Stop it!",

 

Forgetting that (despite the noise) you can't live without this,

 

Teeth clenched and searching for homework, bag and shoes,

 

Chuck them in the car and drive towards more time you lose,

 

 

 

Shouts, kicks and pinches..three times on the naughty step,

 

A blissful nights reprieve, then you miss them when they've left,

 

The tempo of a thousand days, drowning out the love,

 

You feel it never changes, but blink and then it does,

 

 

 

 

 

Fighting for the best..guilty it's not always you,

 

Despite the many big mistakes, they seem to battle through,

 

Sharing horror stories with the other folk they know,

 

reconfirms they're little angels every other place they go,

 

 

 

Occasionally painful love tears through the daily grind,

 

Look at who they soon won't be, try to pin it in your mind

 

"It goes so fast!", "You'll miss so much!" everyone will say,

 

Memories missed, care that's shared, REALLY tough some days,

 

 

 

Unexpectedly they flourish, all too often unlike you,

 

forgetting that there's only so much time for you to do,

 

They say "It takes a village" so you've built one for your child,

 

Still the taunts of "part-time parent" tend to gnaw their way inside,

 

 

 

"Sod you!" is what you really really need to start to think,

 

Everybody's armour has that nasty little chink,

 

Oh miracle of miracles, not broken boys or girls,

 

but smart and kind and ready for a big judgemental world

 

 

 

 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

 

 

View rose.t.morrell's Full Portfolio

Daddy's Little Girl

February 21st, 2003 the year, I almost shed a tear that very night you first appeared,
and every since I saw you Tia, you have been the one, my heart's been filled with you, my moon, my star, my shining sun.

I haven't been the bestest dad but God I surely try, on wings of love I fly, without you, I would surely die,
cause you stand front and center up in Daddy's little world, I call you "Stinky Faces" cause you're Daddy's little girl.

Your birthday's coming up, it seems that time just really flies, I love explaining things to you, the look inside your eyes,
is one of understanding, you're so smart and I'm so proud, I think of you and clouds just dissipate from all around.

I'm guiding you to live life right, that's all it is with me, your job will not define you, Esqire or Mickey Ds,
no matter if you're rich or poor my love will stay the same, it's on that higher plain like where the mountains meet the rain.

My precious little angel, numerous demands you meet, act up I'll tan that seat, you have your Daddy's hands and feet,
and when we hug our noses meet, that's just a thing we do, we laugh and we have fun when we're together me and you.

It's safe to say I love you even more than my own self, to save your life I'd walk with open arms to my own death,
I rue the day you bring some young'n in through my front door, that's just the way a Daddy feels, we all want something more,

for all our little girls, we want a man who'll treat you right, no question you're the greatest thing that's happened in my life,
it'll look as though I'm giving you away come wedding day, but even when you're old and gray my little girl you'll stay.

I'm here for you through thick and thin, we'll have our kicks and grins, we'll prob'ly fight and argue but we'll be in thick again,
you're worth a whole lot more than all the diamonds in the world, you're 9 years old this birthday still, you're Daddy's little girl.

©2012

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This was my 1st original effort of the new year, inspired by the angel that makes go hard at it everyday, my daughter Tia. Every year as her birthday nears, it amazes me how quickly the time has passed.

View thecunninglinguist's Full Portfolio

My Rising Sons

This is of the love I share
With my sons I hold so dear
They are my life, my very world
They are the beings that are adored
They came into my life against my will
But I love them all my heart even still
I would not give them for the universe
They are my blessing, not a curse
Every day I hold them and play
How I care for them I cannot say
Through the smiles and the tears
Through their triumphs and their fears
I will be there with comfort and love
Whether or not they push and shove
When they play and when they fight
I will be there to help with all my might
No matter what happens to me in life
I will watch them grow and live with strife
Death will never come for me
Until they are strong enough to see
The love I feel for them is strong
Even beyond death, my heart is where they belong
They shine bright through my darkest hour
They are like the rising sun, sorrows they devour
They burn up the pain, they burn and bring joys
Perfect little beings, my precious baby boys

Author's Notes/Comments: 

About y 2 wonderful sons

View lexiicarnage's Full Portfolio

Mommy, Mommy, Mommy

“Mommy, mommy, mommy,”

Is all I seem to hear

“Mommy, mommy, mommy.”

Is it my chance to disappear?

I hear that name again,

That the birth of him has given me;

And yet I sometimes dread it,

When all I want is peace and quiet.



“Mommy, mommy, mommy!

Do you see me in front of you?

Mommy, mommy, mommy!

I’m dancing for you, too!”

And so it seems I adore him;

Once again, I remember,

Why I love him as much as I do;

And what a blessing he truly is.



“Mommy, mommy, mommy!

Can you sing me to sleep?

Mommy, mommy, mommy!

And tell me a story?”

Nothing is better,

Than kissing him goodnight;

Or the peace and quiet,

That comes with tucking him in.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written on 9/28/10

View takemewithy0u's Full Portfolio

First Child

Oh, the joys of being a mother

To bear a child of your own

To look into their innocent eyes,

For the first time

Holding them to you,

Feeling their heartbeat against your own

The small yet subtle changes;

You watch before your very eyes

The moment you realize

You have never loved like this before

Motherhood cannot be understood,

By one who is not a mother

I have never dreamed up such a happiness as this

The swell of my heart,

When I look down upon his innocence

The roundness of his gorgeous face;

His beautiful brown eyes

The smiles and the giggles;

The coos and the squeels

He’s mine; this beautiful creature,

In which I have created

Oh, the joys I will feel,

When he takes his first step.

Oh, the tears I shall shed,

On his first day of independence

How I will miss his first breath,

His smile, his first kiss on my cheek

Days will fly by,

And he’ll disappear before my eyes

Into a world of his own,

To conquer and behold

So many tears, I have not yet shed

So many fears, which have not yet been met

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written in April of 2007

View takemewithy0u's Full Portfolio

Princess (for Ivy)

A  Iong time ago, I had given birth to a beautiful baby girl, when I was 24 years old. I was a carney, and had been traveling with a midway game company while her biological father was employed by a company that was responsible for setting up the rides. I started dating him about one week after my employment. Things seemed to be going well; we liked each other and it was a good enough reason for us. Since I had already had an abortion in mid October--not even six months before, I knew my body and the signs of pregnancy. The home pregnancy kit I’d purchased came up positive, but the ER doctor at one of the local hospitals declared a negative result through a blood test. But I knew that was wrong. No morning sickness--something I didn’t have with the last pregnancy, but the other symptoms were there just as before. By the time my blood test came up negative, my daughter’s father and I had already split up; the "pregnancy scare" had caused him to break it off with me. It was mid-June when this happened.

 

The game company, who’s name I can’t recall, was still touring with the same ride company the last week of June. My appetite was increasing and my period had already been about six weeks late. And my girl’s father was still with the ride company, though not for that week as some of the other ride operators were in a different city in Ohio. I can’t remember where we were stationed, but the closest hospital was Timken Mercy Medical Center. Since I was lifting heavy lumber and setting up the game joints with the rest of the crew, I had to know; for the type of lifting I was doing might cause a miscarriage, and this time abortion was not an option--I wanted this child.

 

I walked part of the way in the nearly pitch-black darkness of the night; I had hitched a ride the rest of the way to the hospital’s ER. And that’s when my suspicions proved to be dead-on: I was pregnant. Obviously, the first test that I’d done was correct to begin with. But, knowing that my boss nor the other "jointies" I toured with wouldn’t believe me without a signed note from the doctor, I had the staff write the results on a script with the attending physician’s signature on it.. I had to stay all night at the hospital since there was no chance of a ride back until morning. With note in hand, I made it back to the campground. I’d thought I was fired for certain since I was gone all night. But thankfully I wasn’t fired. I located my boss and handed him the note, then passed it around to my fellow carneys. By that time, they had already distanced themselves from me due to whom I was dating; I was no longer on their social list. But when everyone was informed, they were much nicer to me, though that didn’t last for too long. To my fellow carneys, I was now an outsider. My boss and the rest of the group did take it easy on me for awhile, since they knew I wasn’t getting an abortion. They weren’t allowing me to lift the heavy lumber, but their concern was for a short time. Soon I was back to lifting the boards and other game components--risking the life of my child.

 

I knew I had to leave, and soon.

 

Medical staff at Timken Hospital had given me a bunch of numbers to call--names of organizations that helped find homes for unwed pregnant women. I got lucky and found a surrogate family who would take me in. By this time it was now the last week of June and we were stationed in Cuyahoga Falls, a city just north of Akron. Word was given to me that my child’s father had returned to the carnival circuit and was at this location with the same ride company. I located him and handed him the note. Surprisingly, he wanted to make things right by finding an apartment where the two/three of us could live. But I said no. I told him that we would just wind up hating each other; so I departed from him and never got together intimately with him again. But I thought he should at least know that I was carrying his child.

 

July 4th came and went. By this time, we were stationed in Orville, Ohio. My ride to my new home sat and waited for my job to be done tearing down our setup; for my boss wouldn’t hand me my saved money until all the work was done.  I didn't even say goodbye to my fellow carneys, I hated them by then.  I was handed my pay after work was finished, and then headed for the sleepy man in a station wagon in the parking lot, who would be taking me to where he and his wife lived. And so began my new journey in life: Preparing to expect my first and only child.

 

Things pretty much went according to plan. The whole time I was pondering my unborn baby’s gender. I was hoping for a girl. I even had her name all picked out: I would name her Ivy, based on a book I had read a long time ago. Then, one Monday afternoon on February the 17th, my water broke, I went to the hospital, where staff set me up not in a birthing suite, but a birthing room all to myself; it was designed just like a hotel suite, with every comfort one could imagine. I had not just my original childbirth coach, but three of them. Seven and a half hours later at St. Thomas Hospital in Akron, Ohio, February 18th at 1:59 a.am., I gave birth to a baby girl weighing a little over 8 pounds and healthy, with a head full of hair. Nearly everyone in the room cried. My tiny little princess was finally in my arms.

 

And we lived happily ever after? Not exactly.

 

Throughout the three+ years that I raised her, everything went according to plan. Then one day an elder, a member of a Christian cult I was a part of at the time--someone whom I would’ve taken a bullet for, came to me on a Saturday afternoon while I was watching my three year old child play in her pool in the front yard. It was the early summer of 1989 when the minister of my church back-stabbed me--a man with whom I was still doing pastoral counseling--and sent that elder to tell me that a judgement call was made against me, because of a man who had abused and rejected me. Their plan was to announce in front of the entire church body, that I had sinned; they were going to instruct the women in the congregation not to help me out anymore; this included transportation for my child to emergency rooms and doctors’ visits.

 

Something went terribly wrong inside of me after the male church member and elder did what they did (and no, I’m not going to talk about it). I had taken up drinking again, almost on a daily basis. Though I was neither physically nor verbally/mentally abusing my daughter, I began to resent her, an innocent who did nothing wrong. I began a rapid descent into suicidal ideation and crying all throughout the day. I had become so sick that I had started leaving my child alone for just 10 minutes at first to go to the corner store. I’d put her to bed first, then made my little trips to the 7-11 across the street. Then the time lapse became longer until I had a rude awakening within myself. I sensed the same cycle of resentment toward my beautiful princess that existed between my mother and I, though I suffered much worse at the hands of my mother--and that’s what scared the shit out of me: The inexplicable feeling of certainty that I would soon do the same things to my daughter if I didn’t do something to get her away from me.  It was time to make a decision that would cost me a lot of friends and the already-declining love and support of my family.

 

For one year, my child was in foster care; while I was seeking counseling, she was growing by leaps and bounds. I was able to visit her in a neutral location and have her over to stay with me one weekend a month. Not even an entire year had passed before I knew that my princess was never coming back home. Counseling did no good, so there was only one choice: Give my daughter up and never see her again.

 

So I continued to stumble through life, never finding my place in this world. Many decades had passed since that day I last gazed upon her face and held her in my arms. Even when I was doing street time, I still thought about her. When I had no possessions to call my own, I had a memory of Ivy; I carried her birth certificate with me, no matter where I roamed.

 

Then one day, nineteen years later, I made a decision to try and find her. And my efforts were rewarded. I made first contact with her. I took one look at her face and knew that it was her. But she would need further proof. I devised a fool-proof means long ago that only my true daughter would know of. I described my gift to her in every detail, pulling as much from my memory as I could. She still had that gift I made. After revealing even more details to her, it was confirmed: In April of 2009, I’d finally found my daughter. I’d downloaded her photo to my computer, staring at it every night. All I could do for two weeks was cry tears of joy each time I looked at her photograph; her eyes alone were a dead giveaway.

 

Then about a month later, we had an argument, something that I was hoping to avoid. The internet exchanges between us seemed to go from mutual joy to the harsh reality that a friend of mine warned me of: She didn’t wish to see me for awhile, but only through email. My friend told me to prepare for this, as my daughter was now a young woman who is just starting out and making her own way in this world.

 

Reality can be quite devastating, especially if one is living in a dream world when it hits.  For approximately two months, I was barely able to have any meaningful discussion with my daughter. Then the thought had occurred to me that I needed to apologize for the things I said, and let her take it from there.

 

For awhile I stepped gingerly when I emailed her, following my friend’s advice and the advice of a few others. My last words with my child went from ugly and offensive to encouraging. I avoided the words "I love you" for awhile until I felt that she was ready for them. From there I meticulously read through my every email before sending it to her. Ivy slowly began to warm up to me, very slowly--which was exactly how I was instructed to proceed. I became genuinely interested in what she was doing, taking great care to proceed with caution. After all, I had not been a part of her life for nineteen years.

 

You know that part in a letter/email where, at the bottom, the loved one in question ends their letter with words like "I love you" or a shorter version of it? Well: My persistence met with the word "love" coming from my daughter’s lips.

 

For many of us, the word "love" is an illusion. Either we say the words and do not mean it, because we have been so conditioned by our dysfunctional families to do things to one another that in no way demonstrates its true meaning; or, we simply avoid that word altogether. 

 

And why have I chosen to write this? Because very soon my "fire tiger" will be celebrating her birthday.

 

To my fire tiger: I gave you up once, knowing that I may never see you again.

 

Happy birthday, princess.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fran Hinkle 02/14/10

Revised 5/25/2019

View scorpiodominant's Full Portfolio

My true mom.

My mom was never there

for me past nor present.

She yelled and agreeed with the monster unseen.

She hated me and never cared.

but my true mom was always there.

When i was scared, she was allways there to comfort me.

or when i was mad she calmed me down when i cryed

she held me and told me it will be ok.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

to my real mom who truely cared about a little kid whos mom silently sayed FUCK IT. And gave up on her kids.

View blondelf's Full Portfolio

My Baby Boy

Folder: 
My Children

A love so strong
Everyone can see
You belong
To my family of three
You are my son
My heart my soul
Watching you grow is now my fun
You my baby I will console
Wipe your evry tear
And make you smile
When ever you need me I will appear
Please just be my baby for another little while

View babe1233's Full Portfolio

My Planner

What does my planner do for me?

It keeps away stress and sets my mind free

No more do I worry about missing an appointment

It's easy to see and check off when I went

Both mine and Trin's activities are there

Each day I write them in with care

It shows names, numbers and addresses too

It tells me whether or not I know you

There are birthdays listed by each name

And it also shows when company came

Yes my planner shows me all these facts

A grocery list and daily meal guide are all it lacks

I would be lost if it wasn't by my side

My planner is my everyday guide.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

November 20, 2007

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