Pain/Sorrow

Pain: Real or Imaginary

Pain is the result of a harmful stimuli

causing suffering or distress to body and or mind.

It is very personal and a private experience.

Manifestations of impulses, questionably undefined.

Disguised or hidden until time is right.

A phenomenon that wears well in all situations.

Maybe diffused or concentrated at one site.

A boring topic in many conversations.



Who are we to pass judgement of those who suffer,

a chronic, disabling syndrome as such.

A grimace, curdling cry or a buffer.

Agony to body or mind just may become too much.

To believe or not is an individual's choice.

Remember, though, before you interfere

listen closely at the quivering voice,

before it becomes irreversibly severe.

Ending the life of someone so dear.




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Loneliness

Folder: 
4-Pain

You never thought you'd make it this far    

with no one by your side.

You never thought you'd have to give in

and swallow all your pride.

It's hard to see the future

when you're not happy with the past.

And it's hard to see a happy ending

when nothing seems to last.

Your life at this point seems to really be a mess.

Loneliness.



Sometimes it's not too hard to do,

getting in touch with yourself.

Sometimes it feels like there's no way

You'll ever trust anyone else.

Sometimes that's a good thing.

It can start to help you grow.

Sometimes it's a bad thing.

But that's what's hard to know.

Sometimes it can really seem to cause a lot of stress

and loneliness.



You look for someone special

but it has to be someone that fits.

Because sometimes things look special

but they'll blow your world to bits.

You've lived it many times

but you've never had it right.

Surely someone somewhere

can help you through the night.

You dream about a helping hand with a slow soft caress.

Loneliness.



The spirits are all at work.

The angels are all on your side.

Come out and watch the world spin,

Don't run away and hide.

You can learn about forgiveness.

You can learn about your mind.

You can even take advantage

of all the things you find.

You can learn the reason why it seems like you obsess,

on loneliness.





It's time to make a change.

The stars are all in place.

The future will be different

but the past can't be erased.

I hope you've learned your lessons

and I hope you've learned them well.

I hope you never have to spend another moment in hell.

I hope you never again have to deal with distress,

or loneliness.


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EMBITTERED

Folder: 
2002 Poetry

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



dwarfed by undue comparison

the feeling of being thrown to the dungeon

to undergo mental seclusion



the treatments you get are far beyond to what they have

you look around and can differentiate the better from best

since when did you last receive a part of their best?



when was the last time you heard their praise

all the eulogies spurting to your siblings

nothing seems wrong, perfect they all dub them



what  are you then? Nobody but another breathing member of the family

  

you sit in one corner as though you aren’t a kin

they call on them when food is served to be eaten

can’t go first you all have to wait for her or him



how many are you again in the family?

in sigh you replied, my mom my dad my two siblings and me

stuck in the middle, maybe a consolation for my folks

when my two siblings are away for a grand splurge



sometimes you wonder if you're truly a progeny

or an adopted one from a close pal or acquaintance

Author's Notes/Comments: 

this is where sibling rivalry begins

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The Bottom Line

Folder: 
Poetry

my heart is breakin; won't stop achin,

And I let the teardrops fall,

the words are spoken; i'm left broken

there's no point in trying to call,

so now i'm straining; and you're gaining,

everything you'd left behind,

i didn't choose; you had nothing to lose,

and that's the bottom line.



Things won't be the same; I'm to blame,

I guess I didn't love you enough,

you say it's "right"; to give up the fight,

Well, then why is this so tough?

so I'm just hoping; and i'm choking,

back the urge to sit and cry,

i'm speechless, perfectly faithless,

and that's the bottom line.



i can't be bold; i've lost my soul,

it's all i can do to pretend not to care,

it's too much for me, when you say you feel "free",

Was that really something you had to share?

i'm tired of thinkin', my mood is sinkin',

and i've given up on feeling fine,

i just need space, of you not a trace,

and that's the bottom line.



~Inspired by "I Cry" by Tammy Cochran~

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My Everything

Folder: 
Poetry

You were...

My constant; the one thing I thought would never change,

But change it did,

My northern star; shining brightly- you outshone them all,

Now it's faded,

My sun; giving me light through everything,

It's been covered by clouds,

My angel; helping me fly when I had no wings,

I will never fly again,

My hope; when I thought things were at their worst,

I have no more hope,

My rose; among all the thorns and weeds,

You've been overgrown,

My sky; clear, wide, with no boundaries,

Now there are so many boundaries,

My dream; showing me that nothing is impossible,

Now my dreams are shattered,

my everything; you meant the world to me,

But I've lost you.



~For Christian Ray Oliveros~



-inspired by The X-Files-

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Your Greatest Performance

Take a bow up on your stage

while all the while in a cage

Not knowing where you really are

hiding not healed over scars

Living days in the spotlight

while tears do fall during the night

Fake a smile, shake a hand

you know that they don't understand

They think you live a perfect life

but they don't see your pain and strife

Your greatest performance, take a bow

I hope you make it through somehow.

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almost a last breath

I AM A WONDERER

NOW MORE INCOMPLETE THAN EVER

MY RAY OF LIGHT HAS LEFT ME TO FATHOM THE ROUGH SEAS OF LIFE ALONE

WHERE THERE WAS LIGHT, AND CALM WATERS

THE SEAS HAVE TURNED AS BLACK AS DEEPEST SPACE

THE CIRCLE OF LIFE HAS BEEN BROKEN

THE UNBRIDLED EMOTIONS THAT KEPT SO LONG TO THEMSELVES

GROW TO HURRICANE PROPORTIONS

IM TRAPPED IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS OCEAN THRASHING AROUND ME

NO LIGHTHOUSE IN SIGHT

NO TOWER OF HOPE TO MAKE SURE I SURVIVE THE NIGHT

I'M A LOST SOUL IN THIS OCEAN OF LIFE

FOR EVER A DRIFT

GOD

TAKE THIS POOR MEANINGLESS LIFE



"20 DEMON 02"

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Power

You give love its willingness to die.

You have the power to kill me at will.

You give angels the will to cry.

You're the devil whos heart beats still.



You caused my heart to bleed openly.

You enraged the devil inside of me,

and subsided the power of my faith.



What is held in the future now?

The past now?

My memories decieved by your power.



I have become weak

and surrounded by my worst fears.

Trapped in this eternity,

drownded by tears.



Can you guess who brought on this pain?

This power that forces me to scream your name.

When my voice fades? I am nothing.



What is this power that I cannot over come????

It is the power of your love.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Love is a powerful thing.

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"I've been" ~

Folder: 
Other

For all eternity, I've lived,

Watched the oceans form.

For all eternity, I've been,

I've never felt so warm.

I've been learning through the ages,

Feel the planet squirm.

Listen to the world around me,

Hear the planet turn.



But there is a problem,

One I just can't shake.

I can sense the whole earth,

Feel foundations shake.

Hear the children sleeping,

From night till they wake.

Mine eyes fail to serve me,

Visions I can't take.



Thirsting for this through creation,

Wishing for this right.

I confess I've always envied,

Humans for their sight.

Given life to live eternal,

Time has become trite.

Lack the words to express my thoughts,

Can't tell black from white.

      -Lo Ruhamah

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Am I butterfly dreaming I'm a man? Or a bowling ball dreaming I'm a plate of sashimi? Never assume what you see and feel is real!
- Doreen  Chrono Trigger

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