loved ones

Perfect Centerpiece

Folder: 
human beings

We curse.

 

Such a life, my sweet,

To be as a fixture upon a lace doily,

A centerpiece, waiting to be gazed at

Through the eyes of someone who might 

See your world, hear your heart, touch your soul.

 

Such a life, my sweet, 

Waking up every morning, 

The gurgle of drainage down a silicone tube

To accompany the first glimpse of daylight,

The taste of toothpaste,

Replaces morning coffee,

And though you can smell its aroma

As it floats upstairs, 

No one even knows you are aware.

 

Sounds of your Dad's leather workboots,

I know you can hear,

Tapping on an oak floorboard,

They fade into memories,

A seemingly otherworld away

From the morning enema about to call on you,

You know, that one you swore you never wanted?

You never thought they'd be so cruel, I know,

The words you wrote were jumbled and twisted, 

Even with clear instructions listed.

 

Your eyes burn through my soul

Like a welding torch,

Because I know you are there, aware,

And if you had said this life 

Were all you had ever dreamed of, 

Or hoped for,

We could rejoice that you are alive,

No one would have to pretend 

They were happy buying 50 adult diapers a week.

Wiping the drool from lips 

That kissed mine so tenderly on hot summer nights,

Would not produce the warm rush of shame that it does.

The frigid glares of judgement

By onlookers are like daggers.

Their thoughts pierce through,

And shatter the glass walls 

Of our new home named "denial".

 

So we curse.

 

We curse the shattered shards we trample under foot,

We curse the time we spend in front of the mirror.

We curse the smile worn in vain,

And smothered in invisible pain,

That we don so shamelessly to greet you daily, 

And we choke on every lie that slips through

This carefully orchestrated facade

That screams to be seen for what it is.

 

We curse the night,

Because sleep was something 

That died when the flatline disappeared,

When they told us this is what "alive" is.

 

We curse the tubes,

We curse the sound of breathing monitors.

We curse wheelchairs,

And doctor's offices,

We curse every dream we ever shared,

Every challenge we ever dared,

The rising sun, the day that's done,

The fun, the laughter, the tears.

 

We curse ourselves.

We curse the thousands of dollars 

Our suffering is making

For others' taking

As your body contorts,

Into nothing more than a fragile shell.


It is like we all

At the same time,

 

Arrived

 

In hell.

 

 

2015 ©

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Just more ramblings of empathetic garbage that nurses become magnets for in the midst of seeing life through the eyes of family caregivers. No, not a first hand experience. I am that strong...NOT!!

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*In Passing Time*

 

 Febrary.12.2001

 Trisha Barrek Hopkins

 

In passing time 

We may lose the ones we deeply love

But part of them will still shine

And in our hearts new love remains true

 

It may be hard for us 

To go on from the past

But for that person they would want us to move on

For thier love will always in our heart last 

And they would want you to stay strong

 

In passing time 

I will be by your side

Every single day

Your tears don't hide

Every night for you I'll pray

In me please confide

 

I will help you through days that are tough

Pick you back up when your blue

For you my love I'll always help you when things are rough

This I hope you knew 

 

Days when you know you're going to cry

Let me know so I can wipe the tears away

When I tell you "I love you" It's no lie

I want to be with you every day

Through sunshine and rain

In every way

So I can take away the pain

 

In passing time 

You will always come out on top 

Through thick and thin

You are strong and you no one can stop

This struggle You're determined to win

I will be by your side forever

I will always be here

What I want with you is stay together

I will always wipe away your tear

 

No other guy from you will steal

They won't ever take me away

Because their love isn't real

With you I want to be with everyday

I'm going to stay with you forever

To cherish your touch

To love eachother

To show I love you so much

Through this passing time 

 

Copyright

Do They Really Watch Over Us?

Folder: 
Death

They say that when
someone you love dies,
they will watch over you.

But is that really true?
Sometimes I believe it,
but other times I don't.

I find it hard to believe in it
since I would like to
be able to know when
my loved ones are
watching over me.

That way I could talk to them,
tell them how much I miss them,
and how much they mean to me.

I love my sister,
and the family cats,
who have passed away,
and wish that I could show this to them.

Do they really watch over us?
When loved ones die,
is it really true that they
watch over us?

I really wish I knew
the true answer to this,
and not just some answer
from someone who is just
trying to make me feel better.

I want to know the answer!
But I know that getting it
is something that will
most likely not happen.

Do they really watch over us
after they die?
Is that really the truth?

If it really is,
I wish that I knew
when I was being watched over...

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Just a poem I wrote when I was pondering over whether or not we are really watched over by our loved ones who have died.