#motherandson

FIREFLY MEMORIES

 

There was a light rain falling as I walked this morning…the weather was cool and calm

when I remembered a night just like this…years ago…in our backyard with my mom.

 

It was the first time I ever saw fireflies…I watched them flash and dance out in the rain

It’s a memory that to this day still makes me smile…a memory that remains.

 

I remember that day as if it was yesterday…Mom looked up and smiled at me…

She said, “I’m glad I was here to witness your first firefly memory.”

 

Mom had a unique way of looking at the world…it was a little odd and at the same time wise…

She saw memory as this endless meadow within our hearts…filled with fireflies.

 

She believed anytime an experience finds its way into our heart…

there is a firefly waiting patiently….

whose sole purpose is to take that experience…

and create a memory.

 

Each firefly has one memory to hold…and they take their job seriously…

ready to flash to life when we want to recall it…and sometimes…unexpectedly.

 

Mom believed some firefly memories last forever…while others have a shorter lifespan….

which is why, she always said, we need to make as many memories as we can.

 

That is why this morning’s light rain brought a smile to my face  

as this memory of Mom flashed before my eyes….

and I was thankful this memory appeared from out my field of fireflies.

 

Thankful for all the fireflies in that field…ready to undertake…

the job of capturing and holding any new memory I make…

 

And thankful for how old memories once captured

can flash into my mind with ease…

Like sitting with my mom in the rain long ago

making firefly memories.

 
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LESSONS UNDER THE STARS

 

He used to love walks with his mom…and his favorite walks…by far…were their evening walks along the beach paired with her lessons under the stars…

 

Her first lesson was to wave at all the stars as they walked along the sea.

She’d say…”I like to think…all my ancestors are waving back at me.”

 

Her second lesson was if he needed to make a wish…and wanted that wish to travel far…to make that wish upon the wind…and send it to a star.

 

She’d say, “Keep your eyes upon that star…watch it glow…if you’re lucky you’ll see it twinkle too…then you’ll know your wish has landed…and there’s a chance it will come true.

 

Her third lesson was whenever he was sad….not to be afraid to cry…to believe in a high-power…to believe there’s magic in the sky.

 

She’d say…”I’m not sure how this works and it is difficult to comprehend…but, after you begin to cry…your tears and stardust blend…

 

“Only for a moment, however,…a moment of transcending…as the beach is forever changed…by your tears and star’s dust blending…

 

“For it’s one of natures wonders…one of her secrets we may never understand…how our blended tears help create the oceans…while blended stardust forms the sand.

 

 

He continues to take long walks today…his favorites are still those he takes along the beach…as he remembers walking with his mom…and the lessons she would teach…

 

Now he walks alone,…but to her first lesson he thinks back…

and when he waves at the stars in the heavens…

he imagines it’s his mom who’s waving back.

 

 

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TUCKED IN

Before he was born…before his life in this world would begin…inside his mommy’s tummy…he felt safe…secure…tucked in.

 

When he was just a baby…before his memory in this world would begin…his mom was there to say good night…and safely tuck him in.

 

When he was just a lad…growing…still small and pale and thin…he remembers all those nights when his mom would tuck him in.

 

Whether it was a day when he would lose…or a day when he would win…he remembers his mom was there at night to safely tuck him in.

 

When he grew a little older…now more mature…finally growing into his skin…he told his mom he was too old for her to tuck him in.

 

With a smile and a nod his mom acquiesced…much to her chagrin…for she knew, in his heart, there were more important things than to have his mother tuck him in.

 

As much as she loved tucking him in…as much as she hoped those moments would last…as what happens in every family…she knew those days had passed.

 

But she was there to lend a hand, when he needed a smile, a pat..a grin…in her mind she found other ways to safely tuck him in…

 

Her impact on his life was everlasting…even though she’s gone, at night in bed he grins…as he closes his eyes and remembers…all those nights she tucked him in.

 
 
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WHERE DOES THE MUSIC GO

He loved the nights when it was just the two of them

when his mother would take out her guitar

and they would sit together in the grass as she’d play music under the stars.

 

There in the cool of the evening he felt safe, secure and calm…

It’s where he realized he loved her music as much as he loved his mom.

 

One night as he leaned against her…listening to her show

he looked into his mother’s eyes and asked,

“Mom, where does the music go?”

 

She smiled as she picked him up and sat him on her knee…

“There’s magic in the music.” she said, “but not everyone can see.”

 

Every time a note is played it hovers in the air.

She picked a string on her guitar then pointed

“Do you see it…floating there?”.

 

“Keep watching as it only lingers for a short time before it travels far…

“I see it Mom I see it! He said. “I saw it land upon that star!”

 

Next she played a chord and he watched the notes hover for a moment 

a musical avatar…until they flew up to the sky and landed on a star.

 

“Some notes are rather slow”, she said, “and some, you’ll see, move quicker.”

“But they all end up on the stars.” she winked.  “That’s what makes them flicker.”

 

And to this day he smiles when he looks up as he walks under the night sky

Listening for its melodies….so he can watch the music fly.

 

As it reminds him of a time long ago when his mom would take out her guitar

the night she taught him how to see the notes

as they journey to the stars.

 
 
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IN MY DREAMS

On the gloomy day of his Grandma’s funeral

at the cemetery…he was trying to be brave

but when it came time to go back home…he could not leave her grave.

 

He stood their all alone…wondering if anyone would understand

until his mother walked up beside him and gently took his hand.

 

“A day like today shows us how our heart can ache…how much it can bleed…

I will miss her too!” she said. “Take all the time you need.”

 

“I’ve been thinking of all the times I walked into her arms.” He said.

“What makes me sad today is that I’ll never walk into them again…

from today…I only walk away.”

 

“And from today every step we take”, his mother said

“every minute, every hour, every day

as unfair as it is…takes us farther and farther away."

 

“I don’t want Grandma to be sad.” he nodded…”I don’t want to upset her.

I don’t want her to think, now that’s she’s gone, I ever will forget her.”

 

The mother smiled, squeezed his hand and said, “There’s something you should know.

Grandma will always be a part of you…she’ll never let you go.”

 

“You cannot forget someone you love…they stay a lot closer than they seem

Grandma will pop up any time you think about her…any time you dream.”

 

He looked up at his mothers as their tears began to flow

Then smiling through his tears he said, “I guess it’s time to go.”

 

HIs mother nodded, ‘Yes it is…don’t worry, Grandma will understand.”

and they walked away together…silently…hand in hand.

 

Suddenly the sun peeked through the clouds 

and with his face illuminated by her beams

he turned around

waved goodbye to his grandma saying,

 

“I will see you in my dreams.”


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THE ANSWER TO HER QUIZ

On the day her son was born…a day of happiness and joy

the doctor came to her bedside and said, “There’s a problem with your boy.”

 

“He will never be like other boys.” the doctor said

“You should think about finding him a permanent place to stay.

It will make your life so much easier…and he won’t be in the way.”

 

“I know just the place.” the mother said.

Where he’ll be happy and free to roam.

Then she thanked the doctor, packed their bags and took her baby home.

 

“You know it wouldn’t be easy.” the doctor said.

The mother smiled…. “Answer me this quiz:

When it comes to being easy..what life ever is?”

 

His teachers said it’s difficult for him to learn

that he has a short attention span…

“I know.” His mother smiled and said, “let’s just teach him what we can.”

 

“You know it won’t be easy.” the teacher said

The mother smiled…. “Answer me this quiz:

When it comes to being easy..what life ever is?”

 

All her life she’s worried about him

as all mothers do

anyplace he ever went 

anytime he started something new.

 

And to everyone who told her it won’t be easy

she gave them this same quiz:

“When it comes to being easy,” she’d ask, “what life ever is?”

 

She worked to make his life meaningful

never thinking as the years passed in such a blur

that as she brought meaning into his life

he brought meaning into hers.

 

And though it wasn’t always easy…

What life ever is?

She’s glad from the beginning 

she knew

 

the answer to her quiz.


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A LONG LINE OF DREAMALISTS

My mom loved to mix her imagination with reality

which meant her stories had a few twists 

I called her world Dreamality…making her a dreamalist.

 

I remember one night when I was young 

We were sitting outside…just her…and me

“Close your eyes.” She said, “and when you open them 

your star will be the first one that you see."

 

“That star was created when you were born…

when you became my son

It was placed up in the heavens to announce 

a new life has begun.”

 

“See how it is beating…it matches the beating of your heart…

Those stars beating brightest are the new ones

while those whose beats are fading are preparing to depart.

 

“Your star remains aglow until the day you die.” She said.

“for our stars are nothing if not precise

at which point it will swoop down and carry your soul to paradise?”

 

I imagine Mom was wise enough to understand the science of light diffusion

how the brightness and the beating of the stars is just an optical illusion…

 

I imagine she understood how meteoroids 

are just burning bits of dust and rock…quite small 

And, scientifically speaking, are not shooting stars at all.

 

But that did not deter her from believing her story in totality

(now you begin to understand my mom’s world of Dreamality).

 

Mom’s star burned out years ago and, yes, I consider it quite nice

to think it swooped down from above and carried her soul to paradise.

 

Many nights I still greet my star…

it’s something I can’t resist.

I regard it as a gift...given to me long ago, 

 

by my Mom, the dreamalist.


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RETURNING THE FAVOR

“What are you doing, son?” she asked after he began to carry her

when she was having trouble as they walked down by the sea?

 

“Just returning the favor,” Mom, he said, 

 

“for all those years…you carried me.”


HOW MANY TIMES

 

He was moving out to be on his own. 

She was filled with happiness…and dread

“Drive safe…don’t forget to call me when you get there…

and remember…I love you…she said.

 

“Mom!” he said rolling his eyes, then smiling facetiously, 

“I wonder in all the years I’ve lived here…

how many times have you said I love you to me.”

 

Which immediately started her thinking as her heart was beginning to bleed

“How many times have I said I love you?” she whispered.

“How many times indeed.”

 

“How many times have I held you in my arms?

How many times have I seen you laugh, seen you cry?

How many times have I read you a story or sang you a lullaby?”

 

“How many sandwiches have I made for you?

How many cookies or pies or ice cream?

How many lunches have I packed you over the years

How many times have I watched as you dream?”

 

“How many times have I worried about you?

How many solutions to your problems did I seek?

How many times have I bandaged your knees?

How many tears have I wiped from your cheeks?”

 

“In all of the times I’ve hugged you hello,”

She said as a tear fell from her eye,

“I never dreamed this day would come

the first time I’d be hugging goodbye.”

 

“So no matter how many times we say goodbye

each time for me is going to be rough

and no matter how many times I’ve told you I love you

 

one more time is never enough.”

 

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