# #betrayal #life #forgiveness #suffering #sadness #pain #mistakes #madness #love

Hungry For Heaven

Hungry For Heaven

you struck a chord yet deep within
white lines that filtered through my brain
the lover in life is not the sinner
the less that you give your a taker

through the head of a small child learning to dream
coupled with the given ambiance of the moment
sincere promises made in the dark
will light the inner spark to where I'm destined to go

we seek for shelter among the wolves that howl
blind wolves desperately bleeding in the night
shadows block the sun in my search for fun
I'm hungry for heaven burning the midnight oil

take too long watching water to boil
dig much deeper then ever before
Dig much deeper then ever before

A willingness to explore the vast perpetual universe

For a cause of true brotherhood & togetherness.

One needs to capture the true essence of their youth.

Carve out time each day to meditate or pray.

Share your unique creativity to a hurting world in search of love

As a beacon of light to a much battered existence.

We need to break the amends answer the call.

Live in light of eternal implications to suffice.

We only get one chance at which to roll the dice.

The modern man does more then search through his Sunday morning newspaper

Sort of a caped crusader with the memory of Steve Jobs in tow.

To evoke creativity toward the mass populace.

Common courtesy by holding open the door for a neighbor

Searches for truth with all of his heart

This will light the inner spark to what he has been waiting for.

Search for the true riches that Christ has in store
an open door by which to humbly explore
the world, the lust of the flesh & pride of life
never relent to ever give up the fight !

The friend

You hurt me. More than anyone else could. You shattered my heart into so many pieces it'll never be the same again. You were the one I trusted most. You were the one I loved the most. You were the one I cared for more than anything. But guess you didn't think the same. Now all you've done is hurt me and I'm still giving you my all. You gave up on me, and I began to fall. You said forever and always. But guess that was a lie. Seems how you've just left me broken and to die. You're just letting everyone else tell me how it is. But you're not thinking of how much it's killing me. You betrayed me. And that's something I'll never forgive. You say I was never there for you. Just cause I didn't show it. But little did you know. I was always with you. I was on your side no matter what. But yet I was the one who wasn't there. I've had to get other people to tell you to text me back. Just because you wouldn't even pay me attention. But I guess that's okay because it's you doing it right?  I told you that I loved almost every single night. Guess that wasn't enough to have you hold on tight. Have fun with those news girls. Who fake being there for you. When they are over here talking shit. And I was the one who really cared for you. 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This poem was inspired by my best friend who hurt me in so many ways. 

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(7 seconds) 7 seconds, she'll be back again,

My eyes wonder under moist eye-lids,

how long till she knows im here,

When she realizes I click my heels and disappear,

I want to be her homie, lover, friend,

I cant decide which one is more pleasing,

So I puff out my chest around her so she'll dismiss me,

Mind running rapid,

I hope she doesnt judge me for these things I cant control from happening,

Mellow soul, I want to grab her breast while shes in control,

On top of me, where I want her, in my dreams thats where she belongs,

I wish I could tell her this, and after she tells me shes in love too and we share a kiss,

But I'm too nervous to tell her how I feel,

So I watch it in my mind until it feels real.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Wrote this long ago for you. ENJOY

Unwanted - I am a constant reminder of your pain

Unwanted – I am a constant reminder of your pain


She gave birth to a beautiful little boy

No pain, no sadness, all he brought was pure joy

A new life into this world, for her to love and to hold and call your very own

Her biggest wish was to have more children, her little boy’s clone


Pity she didn’t know that it would be her biggest woe

A horror memory engraved in her heart and soul, a memory she will never be able to let go

If she knew, would she have still gone through following her heart’s desires?

I don’t believe so, and those who do, are all liars


Two years later she couldn’t wait for the birth of her second baby

This time around, she expected a little girl, but the wait was driving her crazy

This little baby just didn’t want to let go and come out to bloom

Two weeks late after the due arrival she decided to leave the womb


Excruciating labour pains for hours is all she felt

Tears streaming down her cheeks while screaming in agony for help

Instead of giving her a caesarean, or calling a doctor, she was told to be silent

The little new-born girl was coming out bridge, large, but no giant


The new-born tore her open from side to side

She lost so much blood giving birth, she could have died

Nurses took the baby and called the doctor

Who only arrived a day later and simply gave her pain killers, his carelessness shocked her


She didn’t want to see or hear her new-born for days

This little baby girl left her in a constant daze

The baby was to blame for her pain

The baby was to blame that she may never have babies ever again


The baby was to blame that she was left alone in a pool of blood

To scream and suffer with so much tears, almost causing a flood

With no one there to ease her pain, no doctor, no friend, no husband, left alone in vain

The baby was to blame for her dismal future which will forever remain


Yet, days later she called this child ‘’Desire’’

Funny, that one’s biggest desire could turn out to be your biggest heart’s regret fire

For this poor baby girl was once wanted

But once she greeted this world, she was immediately unwanted


Weeks passed, months passed, she loved and cared for a baby girl

But in her mind, she was always reminded of the hell she caused her, this little pearl

Decades passed, the baby grew older into a young precious lady

But still, she could not forgive and forget, she had to tell this child what she did to her as a baby


When the child reached her mid-twenties she decided to tell her of the birth from hell

And confessed that she didn’t want anything to do with her for days after the painful spell

She decided to tell her because the child suffered from depression

Showed signs of a cold heart and unlovable, unwanted, signs of death obsession


But her confession didn’t change the child’s behaviour

What was done to the new-born decades earlier will leave a lasting scar forever

The feeling of being unwanted, left alone and unloved, no matter how long

That loneliness and empty feeling the child will always carry that burden along


It almost seemed to make her happy, taking revenge on her own child, maybe

To remind her daughter on a regular basis of the pain she had caused her as a baby

The regrets that she carries for giving birth and wanting a second child

The regrets that she has still grows very deeply and wild


This baby is now 40, and it is me

Three weeks until I turn 41 I was reminded yet again of all the pain I caused her, she is still not free

If I am so unwanted, a constant reminder of your pain

Why then, does God not take me away from your again?


Why can’t I just die to ease your horror memories and unforgettable, forgivable pain?

Why does God keep me on this earth in your presence if all you want is revenge over again?

You want to get me back for what I did to you in your womb

You want to hurt my heart and health as much as you can to revenge your pain memories until my doom


Once Wanted

Became Unwanted

I am a constant reminder of your misery and pain


Why must I be alive? Why does God not take me away? What do you have to gain?

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Im sad for my country

current affairs


im sad for my country

cos nice guys finish last

im sad for my country

cos of its evil chequered past

im sad for my country

cos the media's so biased

im sad for my country

cos the system just tries us


im sad for my country

being brainwashed by the elite

im sad for my country

the people get treated like sheep

im sad for my country

the media in the torys pocket

im sad for my country

and theres no way to stop it


im sad for my country

cos the people who run the world

im sad for my country

its controlled by the underworld

im sad for my country

bloodline of cain own everything

im sad for my country

and profit from war n suffering


im sad for my country

cos good guys finish last

im sad for my country

and all the evidence of that

im sad for my country

will be plain to see next month

im sad for my country

when Labour will be out of luck


im sad for my country

but nothing to do with luck at all

im sad for my country

dice are loaded, I am appauled

im sad for my country

the system is so entrenched

im sad for my country

it stinks; a real bad stench


im sad for my country

things changing soon, not just yet

im sad for my country

when it does: heaven sent

im sad for my country

until then, its just a con

im sad for my country

yet life goes on


Author's Notes/Comments: 

written in advance of the 2017 general election in the UK

Kill Every Part of Me

I would rather get a lobotomy

Than deal with this fucked up part of me

That I can't seem to make

Worth your future days


All I ever seem to ask myself 

Is why does he want somebody else

And I lay alone at night feeling burdened by my life


I feel like I can't breathe sometimes because the truth is hard to find

When all the things he says are lies to cover up his true inner desires

Why should I continue to push through the pain

When all he ever does is complain and say I am trying to put him in chains

He rests easy every night, while I barely sleep sometimes


Why doesn't he see that his lies have him in way too deep

It burdens me to think that the love that I had could keep me from seeing

I was with somebody else that did not even care about himself

He wasted a part of my life and killed the peace within my mind


I'd rather get a lobotomy

Than deal with this fucked up part of me

How can you sit there and point fingers at me

While you go around and make yourself look like some kind of king

You tell them all your stupid lies and ask them why she doesn't treat me right

Honey, you are not my knight when all you do is fucking lie!

Can't you see you caused almost all of the fights?


I had some bitter-sweet insight and began to see straight through your lies

The things you'd promise me and say while looking right into my eyes

You always failed to mention your other motives, your other decisions


So I must ask you- 


Do you see why I'd rather get a lobotomy

Than deal with the messed up thoughts you forced inside of me

My mind is not the same

When everyday I have been in love with you was always just a game

So please someone come take away my pain

Get a drill and fix my brain 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Happiness is not achieved by lying to your partner. 

He destroyed my views on love.



The Dragon

Friends come and go,

but lovers remain rotten in the heart,

to taint the blood with flashbacks of

what could have been; their names are

tattooed on my face: I wear these old

emotions, I am stained by their blood,

they drive nails into my eyes, the pain

is execrutiating but I accept it willingly,

Built to take it.

I was built to take it
the roaring fires
white glow below
raging flames
and billowing smoke


She came as stranger
fires I had known seemed nothing
tenderly she filled my furnace
lovingly prepped my coal tray
and brought forth an inferno,


a small flame here
a gentle blow there
from tiny twigs to large logs
my flames licked hungrily
the fuel becoming more and more

filling me up


in what seemed so small a time
I had become a beast
always hungry for more
waiting for her to refill me
she helped my consume the fuel


added coal timed perfectly
billows pumped vigorously
passions like an atomic blast
stoked into a frenzy
Never letting the heat wain


so naturally we worked
she fed my fires
ours a union of perfection
power generated for all to see
bringing heat to all near


my insides were a furnace
my grace brought forth
only the sun himself hotter
my flames rolled like liquid destruction
my ash blown into oblivion


where is she
why didnt she come back
did I hurt her
burn to hot
incenrate her in my haste
surely not


My coals or cooling
my smoke dissapates
bricks growing cold
rain water drips down the flue
like tears I cannot shed
ash slurry in my bowls


here in the dark and damp
I go over and over and over
what I could, should I have done different
it makes no difference in the end
something said cannot be unsaid
things done remain
my embers smolder to nothing


woken in the night
footsteps on the stairs
is it, can it
old embers stirring
whirling excitedly
alas no it cannot be
it will never be again


A new owner takes
plasters over the cracks
cleans out the sludge
wakes a small fire in my belly
but its not their fault
they cannot know
the fire is pittyful
it doesnt even warm the bricks
for when you have had the sun
who is happy with a far off star


A ray of sunlight peaks into my basement
a shaft of hope
the clouds return
just and like that the gloom is back
ever present in the shadows
the flames tickle my insides
a constant reminder of the inferno's past

No matter....

I was built to take it.


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