# addiction # disapointement # life # heart # truth # suffering # sadness # pain # happiness # empty # mistakes # fate # time # difference # deceit # madness # theone # learninglove #dreams # poetry # longing

I do

I do

 

 

Do you know what it feels like to have never been loved?

Do you know what it feels like to have never been liked?

Do you know what it feels like to hear the words, believing it, only to be bluffed?

Do you know what it feels like to feel liked, told you are liked, only to be able to get ‘’their’’ true intentions right?

 

I do

 

Do you know what it feels like to have your heart broken for 42 years?

The hurt never ever goes away, or fades, it stays

Do you know what it feels like to realize each and every time you’ve just been fooled, and tears…

Well the tears never dry up, it lasts for decades

 

I do

 

Do you know what it feels like to be used your entire life?

Do you know what it feels like to be the one who always has to heal, and help?

At your own emotional and financial loss, just to serve your purpose in life?

Do you know what it feels like to know, that you will never have anyone when you need help?

 

I do

 

Do you know what it feels like to only be viewed and desired as sexual object?

Do you know what it feels like to only be used and viewed as emotional help?

Do you know what it feels like to fall in love with the only outcome being: reject?

Do you know what it feels like to carry your Mother from birth knowing she didn’t want you, she wished you could just melt

 

I do

 

Do you know what it feels like to work your entire life only to survive?

Do you know what it feels like to be hated by most females, due to jealousy?

Do you know what it feels like to live with so much hatred from strangers just because you are alive?

Do you know what it feels like to try live your life in secrecy?

 

I do

Do you know what it’s like to know you will never be loved?

Do you know what it’s like to only attract lust?

Do you know what it’s like to know you will never be liked?

Do you know that my entire life, people lied, just to be able to satisfy their lust?

 

I do

 

Do you know what it’s like to know you were never wanted from birth, yet ‘’loved’’ because you are her slave, and your Mom can life a happy life and relive her youth through you and all boyfriends and dates who claims to love me even though it is just lust

 

Do you know what it’s like to know you are only ‘’liked’’ for the financial and emotional help you can be?

Only be liked because they lust after you?

Do you know what it’s like to be me?

 

I do

 

 Do you know what it is like to have your heart broken endlessly?

 

I do

 

Do you know what’s it’s like to think of a perfect way to commit suicide daily knowing what the rest of your life will be

 

I do

 

Marriage, engagement, true love, true friendships based on like –I will never experience

Death is imminent, and I pray that the day comes soonest, before I find my own way

 

Do you know how much pain my heart and soul can handle?

 

I do

 

It has reached the limit


Written by

Dlr

Home

Verse1: 

Home - A Timeless Reverie (a figment of my dreams) 

Though you're gone forever (rest in peace) 

I still truly believe in us and our love 

Everlasting scenes, it's constantly playing on my mind 

 

Verse2: 

I feel the sun blinding my eyes 

It shines brightly while 

Running into our veins 

Best be sure this is an everlasting moment 

 

Bridge: 

Show me where to go from here 

If I could turn back time (turn back time) 

I found the grace and love in your eyes 

Your smile still comforts me to this day 

(I won't have to live in fear) 

 

Chorus: 

Home - a timeless reverie 

If I could turn back time, you gave me peace, love, joy, and hope 

God grant the same peace, love, hope, and grace in our lives 

Our lives - where does the time fly? 

 

Verse3: 

What shall I do? 

How shall I proceed?

Author's Notes/Comments: 

A song I wrote back in 2014 while in a group home in Orange County, CA.

‘CHASING THE DRAGON’

Inverse relationship for diminishing returns

on big investments in crack cocaine.

 

For each expenditure

of untold dollars,

she obtain an ever shrinking

imaginary benefits with a compounded deficit,

on a five minute high.

 

The Government provides crack pipes,

and money for the addict’s many highs;

with holding hands

of social policy

for the public good.

 

To weave a sarcastic social fabric,

and mend the gaping tears

in our lasting living sheets.

 

The dealer pushes the crack

mixed with this and that;

whatever they got

or want to concoct.

 

With the long arm of the law

the police smashes the glass sticks.

Maybe even arrest a few

for unlawful use

or illegal drug deals,

unless done in

“HARM REDUCTION” sanctuaries.

 

Check the centre’s policies,

on Police entry.

 

Friends provide the peer pressure,

the encouragement,

as continuous whispering

demon voices in her pretty little ear.

 

What an unbreakable synergy

working in marvelous harmony

for the common good

of our fragile community.

 

Byway of accumulation

or differential summation,

life fleys her body;

governed by the decay power function.

While there is an exponential increase

in hidden cost

to the burning of our own cross.

 

A mosaic of communal organic tapestry,

stitched together with fragile living treads

of bonds and trust,

being slowly eaten

by narcotic worms.

 

With her flesh sizzling,

her soul and spirit frying,

in merciless fires, heat, and lies.

 

Burning up in inhalations,

then exhalations

of puffs of crack smoke.

 

Grab the “HARM REDUCTION” instruments,

insert the solid cocaine stone,

then ignite the rock

like a dying red sun

at the end of it’s life’s journey,

into dazzling pops and crackles

like the fourth of july.

 

Like playful puppies,

jumping and frolicking all about

with great exhilaration in anticipation

of being fed their mother’s warm milk.

 

She takes one puff

of the real stuff.

Her eyes roll back

in her shrunken skull.

 

Her muscles continuously twitch and scream

like break dancers on the big screens,

or sirens hollowing on the ocean breeze.

 

Her muscle spasm,

as though she is in

of multiple organismic trance.

 

Or like the last gasp of living breath

from a stuck bloodletting hog,

expelling it last vestige of life giving fluids,

and driving it’s cold body into convulsions.

 

The damaged neurons

scattered through the vast expanse

of the nervous system.

JUST DON’T SEEM TO FIRE RIGHT!

 

Bastardization and degradation

of bio-chemical-electrical transmissions,

sins against one’s own flesh.

 

She is trapped

like a fidgeting rat,

trotting back and forth

on the path of life’s journey without

a meaning

a purpose

a place for being.

 

Other than to be used,

and be consumed

or to devour on the hour.

Almighty God,

where has all the hope gone.

 

Crack has caught

another big blissful fish

with curved barbed hollowed hooks;

 

that continually sucks her blood

as it slowly works its way

deeper and deeper into poisoned flesh.

 

To wither her spirit,

to dry up her soul,

and continue to siphon her very life

till all that remains is brittle bones.

 

She become easily prone

to suggestions

or suggestive conditioning.

 

Mesmerized like pavlovian dogs,

to salivate,

to rob,

to steel,

to be an irrational hoodlum.

 

Or even worse!

 

To bow down low

on her knees and toes

as though she carries a curse.

 

Without the whimper of a scream.

Surrendering...

Submitting...

Selling holy things

that should never be sold.

 

Pleasuring for bad money

that cannot even buy old clothes.

 

To sell her precious essence,

barter her personal treasures,

man or woman it makes no difference.

 

For she have entered the inescapable world

of teasing psychotic visions,

titillatingly beautiful

and seem so real.

 

Where she chase a fleeting dream

of fire breathing dragons.

She will never catch,

but hope to sack.

 

As the blinking fireflies

with their beacon of hope

in innocent dreams

hasen to leave

the vile realm

she has chosen to lead.

 

Until the Grim Reaper recycles her life,

and comes calling her living soul.

Which was given in good-faith,

in an act of trust and confidence

on an expired timely lone.

 

For the life we carry

is not our own.

 

Leaving a world of damage

and heart aches.

Her tsunami of destruction,

caused by a quick burning flame.

 

Tries to cast an illusion of control,

for an out of control wildfire of cocaine

feeding off her brain,

chopping up the circuits of her mind

to make her insane.

 

The many little demons from the

stenching

stagnant

heavy

thick

malodor

emanating from

hell’s glass cylinder door.

 

Attaching to her blood,

and inserting themselves

into chosen parts of her id

to suckle on her thoughts

like minions of starving leeches.

 

To assault

twist,

and even squeeze out

every last drop of dripping pain

to reap the real gains

of crack cocaine.

 

Causing her to surrender to madness,

and the selling of her four beloved babies,

on a dirty one way track,

around the corner at the back,

and next to the garbage dumpster

for crack.

 

The mirage of the utopia she first believe,

disappear like billions of night stars

vanishing with the reality

of a coming dawn.

 

The endless black board screams

behind her purgatory viel

seem so surreal

in this dystopian field

 

But,

her hell just started!

 

To begin her holy-war,

she declared on herself,

and expect to win

while singing

“THE CONQUEROR’S VICTORY SONG.”

 

On her personal jihad,

with her own guilty right hand,

she takes her bloody grinning head,

held aloft in mocking conquest

of herself.

 

Slumbering sleeper,

you better awake!

Your time is already come and gone!

 

Leegal Poet

 

Wayne Ferron . All rights reserved @ copyright

lost Life

Here I stand on the edge of lost hope,
Lay me away as my heart just cant cope.
My life taking a more unloved slope,
trying to breathe underwater with a slippery rope.
Looking at you threw a empty house,
Holding upon the memories of a old blouse.
Wishing life would take me like a fish with a dowse.
Losing all my meaning to life, holding my baby,
Missing you so bad as I just been so weak and crazy.
You dying has made me become more antisocial lately.
Why did this have to happen to you my Bailey?
Your father took all his stuff and is now gone,
Telling me life will just have to keep on.
Knowing my heart is empty filled with iron.
Goodbye to you my love,
I know heaven is holding you above. 

Standing in the Light (Living in the Dark)

Droplets form

Slowly caressing my cheek

An uncontrollable sense of sadness

Washes over my body

Facial muscles contracting

Mind exploding

Eyes flooding

I struggle to keep them open

As my hands grip the wheel tighter

My emotions are being overrun

Reason fades

I'm losing control

If only you could know

I need you

The loss of another bright day

Standing in the shadow of the sun

You were my first love

Everything crashes  

Nothing remains

But an empty shell

I want to go with you

Lost forever

With you

If I lose myself tonight

Will it be you and I

A break in the silence

I stare into the sun

This ship on a collision course

Screams ring

As all goes dark

The light won't stop me

I am going home

 

 

 

Eyes

There was nothing in her eyes,

Cold business chatter,

Let's get this done.

There once was a luminance,

Knowing glances,

Gaze for moments on end,

As if I were the one.

There was nothing in her eyes, 

Cold business chatter, 

Sign the papers,

Done

NOT QUITE A PRAYER

Folder: 
Satish Verma

You had placed floating 
garden on the crest 
of five-headed white cobra. 

The hooded death, 
strikes; when you were 
tending to bonsai. 

Over to moon, 
you send the message. But 
The book was incomplete. 

On the way to 
tiny thoughts, an odyssean 
task to put the right words. 

I will go and 
stand on the edge, to 
watch the glorious senset.

Satish Verma

Tonight

Folder: 
Satish Verma

Will you come for a 
final goodbye in dark. 
I will wear you like a moon. 

The black hole was 
widening. There was no 
sin, if you bring a candle. 

September, morning. 
The cuckoo gives a two-note call. 
Anybody still sleeping?

Satish Verma

Breakthough

Folder: 
Satish Verma

Take a call and bring 
the upside down. 
The desire becomes supreme. 

Are you going to redeem 
for the lost empire? 
A musk deer will start 

the scent-marking. 
This was the price of 
insecurity in the mob. 

Unhook the wounds. 
Life will give you 
a new pretext to die. 

It was an ordinary name. 
No prefix and no frills. 
You were ready to become anonymous.

Satish Verma