Angst

Shake And Tremble

Folder: 
Dark Poetry

I sit in my car, the night air around.

I rock back and forth with no ties to the ground.

My legs, they shake, and the pen does quiver.

My hands, they tremble, and words do shiver.

From my mind to the page, the letters fall.

For they are my comfort within this all.

I break away and voice my song.

An elegy of demons, so cruel and wrong.

I awake from dreams of butterflies

and plunge into the world of lies.

Reality is bleak and pale.

It's pallor masked in graying veils.

A ribbon of light; of white and truth

rescues me from the swinging noose.

Though the gallows call for me to hang

they pause and glare for the requiem sang.

I have been saved, alone at last.

No longer regretful of those in the past.

My hand and body still does quake.

My sanity threatening and willing to break.

I'm still in the car, waiting for peace.

Still waiting for this shaking to cease.

But time does not subside the pain

and the sky does not permit the rain.

The cleansing water, wash away

will come along another day.

So I sit, trembling in my car

just waiting for this wound to scar.

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Fine

I'm fine

I need to stop saying that

Those two simple words

They lie

Their portrayal of my feeling

Are wrong, are off

I need to stop saying that

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Written 2/13/09

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Insanity Rant of Jan. 26, 2009

Folder: 
Long Winded Rants

Mwahaha!!! Watch me rant. Ugg, I wish that I had something… maybe not pills, since I have decided to retaliate and not want any more pills. Ha!! That will show all of them suckers. Screw them and the horses the rode in on!!! Yeah me for quoting The Dark Tower!!! Oh well. One thing is for sure, my craving for jonathan crane fanfiction has not yet gone away. I Want More!!! More I say!!! Oh well. And do you know what I have discovered?? I think I have a small crush on Harvey Dent!! How about that!! A crush on Two-Face… oh well. As if I didn’t already have a ginormus crush on crane before… but after seeing The Dark Knight, it was like, Must Have Shirt With Harvey Dent On It!!! Weird. I think I have also taken a shine to Edward, or Eddums, as they call him, mainly because of that series of fanfics that included him… made me happy. I want to see Repo! The genetic opera… AND MIDNIGHT MEAT TRAIN!!!!! Grrr… from what I can see, it should be in stores by now, but do blockbuster or cashwise have them??? NO!!! for fucks sake… hey, I wonder why that didn’t capitalize.. who cares. Ha!! Oh, I see why. There aint no space there!!! Ha!! Ha I say!!! … dot dot dot… heh… look at all the words Word says I am misspelling… yeah!!! I didn’t misspell that though. Or that. I am queen!! Or so I say. I should send in that dare, that would make me insanely (wow, I spelled that right!!!) happy… Crane. *happy sigh*UGG!! That makes me despise Lyle Bolton so much, I wanna  hurt him, like he hurt Crane. Err… make me angry. How could he do that to him???? And all of the others for that matter. As is Edward would stand any better chance, though Crane is a bit bigger threat than Edward… and there is Jervis… now it says I spelled it right… oh well. Stupid word. It cant dictate what is or isn’t spelled right!!!! Mwahaha!!! Such as that. That is not misspelled. “What part of “mwahahahahahaha!!!” do you not understand?” yeah. Such a loverly quote.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This rant was done at between around 5:30 am and 6 am. I had been reading some of my old stuff on here, and wanted to do a rant before I fell asleep, seeing as how running out of my pills has rendered me nocturnal... so hope you enjoy! I had to share this.

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tags:

Lingering Anguish

The turmoil burns slowly within me

Bringing such devesation upon my body

Weary and feeble, what have I become?

Slowly I wonder what I've truely done.



I stare almost incredulously toward myself

How my reflection has changed with such stealth

Quipped with uncertainty that lies within my wake

I try hiding the insecurities of each day.



I think I was strong once, how elusive of me

to truely believe in something so petty

How each person has affected me so profoundly

Continues to lie within as a ominious mystery.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

(January 24, 2009)

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My wish

Folder: 
2009

will I ever get better

or will I be this way forever

will I ever stop crying

will I ever stop dying

will I ever be happy again

and stop having to pretend

I don't want to be sick anymore

I want to be the way I was before

will I ever stop feeling this agony

will I ever feel alive inside of me

View fighter4life's Full Portfolio
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Can you hear me now?

Folder: 
2009

how I long for someone to be there

how I long for someone to tell me they care

how I long for someone to call to just say hello to me

how I long for someone to tell me they love me

how I long for someone to tell me they are here

how I long for someone to wipe away my every tear

I just need to know that someone cares how I feel inside

and will be there to catch the tears I've cried

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Tainted

Folder: 
2009

darkness has left my heart tainted red

and the rust within me makes me dead

hardly breathing, my airways have closed

and this pain I feel no one knows

lonliness has left a stain on my heart

ripping and tearing me completely apart

silence has taken over me again over the years

and now I have lost count over how many tears

that I have cried

and died inside

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Lonely Tears

Folder: 
2009

lonely tears have drowned me in sorrow

they say things will look better tomorrow

but tomorrow came

and things were the same

I am still living with this pain



lonely tears I cry in silence by myself

trying to find my way out of this hell

I am dying inside of me

and I can't break free

so watch me as I bleed



lonely tears fall from my eyes

as you tell me all your lies

you tell me it's going to be okay

and that things will improve the next day

but these tears never go away

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My new best friend

Folder: 
2009

will you catch my tears as they fall

until I have no more tears left at all

cause I can not stop crying

no matter how hard I've been trying

the tears won't go away

they are in my eyes every day

just waiting to fall down my face

and give this bitterness a sour taste



Chorus

should I believe you when you tell me it's okay

should I stay alive for one more lonely day

should I say my prayers and hope they come true

should I dream of what it is like to be you

should I fall in love with sadness again

and make misery be my new best friend



yes, I know that I am the one to blame

for all of the fear and all of the pain

I have become a stranger to my self

and now I am trapped in hell

the flames burn me and I scream

is there anyone who can save me?

where do you turn when everyone has deserted you

and poisoned you with lies, hiding the truth?

Chorus



happiness left me behind

and love didn't have the time

so I turn to the darkness of night

to tell me everything will be all right

promises were meant to be broken

and lies are meant to be outspoken

so I will go another night crying these tears

and drowning again in the ocean of my fears

Chorus

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