Angst

Blades of Grass

     I run my hand through blades of grass and slowly I begin to bleed

Each blade cuts deep through my pride and into my skin

I feel each and every sting telling my brain that I am in pain

Still I ignore it hoping this dream might come to an end

I close my eyes tight dark as night hoping to awake

Slowly I reopen my eyes to a red surprise I’m still bleeding

Each minute passes with rivers of red that never stop

Feeling faint and losing sight maybe I should rest

But the thought of dying keeps me awake and alive

I try to find anything to stop the bleeding and survive

It gets darker as if someone turned out the lights

The filament of my life grows dim as does my sight



     I awake lying in the grass hands covering my face

Thinking back I strangely recall this place

With a handful of grass I peel back the skin

Running through blades of grass again I begin

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Am I Alive

Am I alive?

I ask myself so many times

Throughout so many lines

Am I alive?

Or could it really be

The end of me

Am I alive?

Or am I dead

With a bullet in my head



I try not to think of what might be

A world so empty without me

The colors all around seem so real

But it’s life that I can’t seem to feel

The snow is still cold and the sun is still hot

Maybe I am alive and they are not

This could be true but I highly doubt

Tease tempted just to find out

I burn my hand but feel no pain

Maybe there is something wrong with my brain

I would call on the devil just to make a deal

So one day again I would be able to feel



Am I dead?............or am I alive?

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Burn From The Inside

Broken heart lies on the floor

Secrets hide behind closed doors

Feelings rage from the way you left me

So selfish you can’t see me

Your words light the fires I hide

I burn from the inside



Trapped front to back in a cage

Inside out the fires still rage

Three simple words to start

The rage that would break my heart

You say I HATE YOU

But I know it’s not true

My denial fuels the flames

Nothing will ever be the same

I no longer have a place to hide

I burn from the inside

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comfort in misery

consumed by the sorrows i feel

the wounds deep inside can never be healed

again im lost in my thoughts

i wish you'd lift the misery clouding my eyes

cuz im surrounded by everything that i despise

i wish it could crash down and die

the bleak emptiness reaching out to me

so tempting to be at peace with my animosity

ill lick the wounds inside of me

sever the scars and blacken teh stars

im dragged in,feels so calm and warm

but they say every rose has its thorns

drawing me in,so inviting now its cutting me within

i watch the clouds fall

into the deep abyss behind our walls

if we have to fall to learn

id rather just crash and burn

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stuck in the cycle.

Folder: 
home.

you fall,

i watch in horror.

you pursue.

i pull back and cry.

you console,

it infuriates me.



you fall for her,

and you're used.

you pursue her,

and she leads you on.

you console me,

without even knowing i exist.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

5.14.08

briaen.

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Democracy Reigns

Go broke to make the world the same

We’re falling behind on technology

Our schools and youth are suffering

The economy is going to other countries



How is democracy best

When poor and rich grow farther apart

The same happened in monarchies



They’ve painted their picture

And shoved it down our throats

Capitalists rejoice

Democracy reigns!



Change the world to your model

War with those who don’t agree

And rule your own people with fear

Democracy is the king of hypocrisy



How is democracy best

When military is used for wrong

The same happened in dictatorships



They’ve painted their picture

And shoved it down our throats

Capitalists rejoice

Democracy reigns!



Land of the business and the feds

The power of the people is gone

Corporations pay politicians

Lobbyists have their own agendas



How is democracy best

When they tell us how to live

The same happens in communism



They’ve painted their picture

And shoved it down our throats

Capitalists rejoice

Democracy reigns!


Author's Notes/Comments: 

Wrote on February 17,2008

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Be my Morphine

Folder: 
2008

could you be my morphine

and take away the pain

could you be my coat

that blocks out the rain



I need something to ease the pain

and to wash away the tears

that have escaped from my eyes

as I drank a couple beers



cause I am bleeding

and I am dying

and I am falling

and I am crying



can't you see the pain

that has taken me captive unseen

I need someone to save me

someone to be my morphine

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Counting tears instead of sheep

Folder: 
2008

fragile tears fall from my bloodshot eyes

as my heart that beats in my chest slowly dies

I have lost count of how many tears I've cried

and I now know what it is like to die inside

this pain I feel within me is cunning

and I wonder when happiness will be coming



don't try to save me, I'm too far gone

and I have run out of ways to be strong

you have all just left me here to die

and I'll never understand why



Chorus

will I ever stop crying

will I ever stop dying

will I ever stop bleeding

will I ever stop needing

needing something to kill the pain



bleeding inside like a wounded animal

feeling so weak and so vulnerable

I watch as my blood falls to the floor

I want to escape so I don't have to hurt anymore

cause the pain is becoming unbearable to me

and I am dying more and more the more I bleed



don't try to save me, I'm too far gone

and I have run out of ways to be strong

you have all just left me here to die

and I'll never understand why

Chorus



the more I live the more I die

the more I laugh the more I cry

and you'll never understand

no, you'll never understand

Chorus

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Nightmare



4-28-08





It never goes away



Each waking moment



I am trapped in this



Self-constructed nightmare



I open my eyes



There is only darkness

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