Woke up this morning


I'm not breathing anymore

Can't find a reason to live for

you sing me a lullaby to put me to sleep

but then I am so lost within my dreams

my fantasy and reality have collided

I woke up this morning and found myself dead


how I long to hear you say

that it is all going to be okay

can't you just once this time

tell me that I'll be fine

cause I need this hope to keep alive

can't you tell me it's going to be alright

no one is ever there to hold me when I cry

so I guess I don't need to even say goodbye

and I'll be the only one at my funeral not crying

because all along I had been slowly dying

watching the blood flow of bright red

cause I woke up this morning and found myself dead


I scream until my lungs bleed

maybe sometime I'll get what I need

I cry until my eyes disintegrate into the air

I scream again, is anyone there?

I can't stop these voices in my head

cause I woke up this morning and found myself dead


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Self harm/Suicide


For so Long I have

Pushed air into

Your fragile lungs

I no longer have

Breath for my


Author's Notes/Comments: 

Deticated to Jimi

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101806 rum…

Depressed, 3 nights, 3 days

Oh, what a fucking sober

How I made myself suffer

Without anything for cover..

Myself have flown away

How much you’ve made me under

3 fucking days I suffered

3 fucking nights I sobbed

doesn’t make any sense to you!!!???

hate me!

All the way you want it to be

Hate me!

If that makes you happy

Hate me, hate me, all the way

I don’t fucking care

The way you don’t even care…

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Scared to death of your hallucinations

Clinging to the only bit of hope still alive

Hearing voices telling you to die

In so much mental distress each day

Zipping your lips afraid to speak

Offering anything to take the pain away

Paranoid thinking people are out to get you

Hollow and empty inside of yourself

Running from imaginary threats

Entering a world no one else can imagine

No one to hold you or comfort you

Ignoring the pain and faking a smile

Continuing to breathe one breath at a time

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Happiness Spiral

Happiness is a feeling

One that tends not to last

It's brought about by your surroundings

not stuff, things, and cash

Mine is in a spiral

Going out of controll

I don't know how to stop it

If it'll stop I don't know

With me losing mine

Another gains there own

I don't think they've gained it yet

At least from what they've shown

It seems to be a process

Like some crazy game of tag

While someones happiness rises

Anothers begins to lag

Author's Notes/Comments: 

  It was happening and I didn't see it

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Whisper in the Darkness


my tears are hiding in the rain

and my happiness is lost within my pain

it is like I am burning within the flames of a fire

sinking deep in the quicksand of my deepest desire

are my tears so quiet that you can't tell when I cry?

does my smile look so real that you don't see me as I die?

I want to lay my pain down to rest tonight

but it seems that the darkness has forsaken the light

and I am lost within the darkest moment in time

and yet I lie to you and tell you I'm doing fine

I wear my mask perfectly upon my face, it never frowns

and no one is there when the mask falls to the ground

and it's only me

that you will see

trapped in a living hell

I know you don't know me to well

but I am begging you please

will you come and save me

my tears are frozen in my eyes

and I am a frown in disguise

my screams have been silenced

to just a whisper in the darkness

and I can't see the light at the end

but I will reunite with it like a lost friend

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go then, there are other worlds than these.

if only, i wish.

to be in a different world, with different people.

away from all of this that i know.

even maybe not a total change, just a few things here or there.

but no, i'm stuck here.

in this stupid reality of mine.

never to know anything amazing,

or otherworldy.

stuck here, in a dull and hard world.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This is me whining about nothing, promted by the line on my desktop background. And yes, the first line is from the Dark Tower series, I take no credit for it. The rest is mine.

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Clouds of Rain

Cover my sky with clouds of rain

So the darkness can cover my pain

I try to be mad but all I can do is cry

My chest burns so bad all I want to do is die

My heart feels like it is sinking to the floor

All I know is that I cannot take anymore

Piercing pain like a needle in my heart

A needle that could tear me apart

No matter what I do the pain will not leave

The air gets heavy and hard to breathe

I swallow hard and choke on my pride

As the rain clouds subside I am left with nowhere to hide

The tears roll as the clouds retreat

I crash to my knees and admit my defeat

My hands cover my face

Trying to mask my disgrace

Behind my mask lies the true me

Open and exposed for everyone to see

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I see you standing under a tree

It seems you are waving at me

Is it hello or goodbye?

Are you here to stay or is it time to die?

I close my eyes and smell you in the air

I open my eyes only to see you are not there

You’re just an illusion

A figment of my imagination

An image of my recreation

You’re just an illusion

I saw you there without a doubt

My mind brought you here and the wind took you out

Trying to forget is just something I cannot do

I can’t seem to erase the memories of you

You are everywhere I seem to be

Here you are again back to play tricks on me

You’re just an illusion

One only I can see

A sacred piece to my insanity

You’re just an illusion

Visions subside

Deep inside

But they never go away

They just wait for their day

There is nothing I can do

I will always remember you

The visions surface once more

Starting again just like before

You’re just an illusion

Just an illusion

Is it all in my head?

Or is it that I’m dead?

Just an illusion

You are…an illusion

You again…staring at me

Cannot believe…everything you see

You are an illusion

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